he makes me blush the brightest brown. his words slide over me like sunlight snaking down my spine tonguing my emotions in a language so sinful that i pray for punishment by his hands sentence me 700 years of waking to the rhythm of his breathing & putting words to every sigh he's ever sighed lynch me from the highest branch of his smile so that i can swing between his lips & let my life drip & roll slow from the corners of his mouth i'd let him bury me in hot satin sheets of sweat & silk or burn me up w/ his fingertips & swallow my ashes deep
we're living a biblical lust he is my genesis & when he makes his exodus from my mind & down my stomach to feather my clit w/ seductive prayers o, what a revelation... i tried to be a church girl but he makes me blush the brightest brown w/ him forever at the tip of my tongue i can't help but sing orgasmic elegies for the little girl i silenced the first time i sang out for him a caged bird who never knew that she could fly i landed in his lap & introduced him to my center of gravity spread wide my wings & hovered low above his touch teasing him w/ tacit promises & whispers of secret kisses in illicit dreams
we were destined to spend our Sunday moanings together we'll wake the earliest birds of every fantasy we've ever murdered & for the resurrection i'll dress him in the brightest brown that our spirits can conjure.
what in the hell did you do this sunday morning!! hmmmmm.
IM TELLIN! IM TELLIN IM TELLIN! dammit.. tha chicken been let out the closet.. i hate to be the first response and joke with you.. when i know u take yer writing shyt serious.. but IM TELLIN.
Oh my, On my first visit back to the boards in a long while and this is one of the first things I see. Oh my, does he have a brother? cause if you can get it like that on Sunday imagine what it would be like sat. night.... I really liked the imagery, you have a gift with words sis...but Ive told you that so many times before
Very nice piece...I enjoyed the fluidity of the words and the imagery that you created/projected throughout. Also, the way that your words stayed in line with the concept you began from the very first line on down to your ending was tight. i liked that...i kinda felt like you should have repeated the last line two more times changing the word conjured to a similar word for the last two lines so that it would be ..conjured...(synonym for conjured)...(another synonym for conjured)...but that is just a suggestion. anyhow i liked your piece. very nice.
"& when he makes his exodus from my mind & down my stomach to feather my clit w/ seductive prayers o, what a revelation..." ! whooo... dunno why, but this piece gave me a feeling of it being more like you telling someone this other than you writing it down.. and i like that. gives it a bit of vibrance. and it made me grin.
i loved this piece.. very clever and powerful.. i esp. loved the reference of the bible.. the only thing that i wasn't really feelin' was, "brightest brown".. i couldn't see it.. like in the beginning: "he makes me blush the brightest brown".. i couldn't see that.. my only suggestion for that line (and you don't have to take it if you don't want it.. 'cause this is just my opinion.. it's not fact..) "he brings an orange blush against my brown skin".. i figured that 'cause i've seen pictures of you.. and you're a beautiful sista.. you have kinda' an orange-brown complexion.. just a suggestion.. but the rest of this piece is very beautiful.. i am very proud of your growth and always look forward to readin' new work from you.. be easy..
>he makes me blush the brightest brown. >his words slide over me like sunlight >snaking down my spine >tonguing my emotions in a language >so sinful >that i pray for punishment by his hands >sentence me 700 years of >waking to the rhythm of his breathing >& putting words to every sigh >he's ever sighed >lynch me from the highest branch >of his smile >so that i can swing between his lips >& let my life drip >& roll slow from the corners >of his mouth >i'd let him bury me >in hot satin sheets of sweat >& silk >or burn me up w/ his fingertips >& swallow >my ashes >deep > >we're living >a biblical lust >he is my genesis >& when he makes his exodus >from my mind
this reminds me of alot that ive written except totally different
i didnt really like the rest to tellu the truth but that first stanza and two lines was peace
...i disagree with Gio this time. I didn't care for the biblical references. I didn't see the connection. i liked the imagery of the whole piece, and i liked how you expressed how much his love means to you; like torture....that was bangin' just didn't see the understand the usage clit and genesis in the same poem.
36. "RE: honestly...what ever" In response to Reply # 21
how could you not see clit and genesis together it goes with the whole theme of worship and sacrifice. I dug it deeply, I'll have to agree with gio on the brown issue, I personally think of a lighter color to fit better over all this was excellent, made me wanna write, and inspiration is key
All praises to the Ansestors that light my way though the darkness
The perfect blend of love-n-lust...we really can't have one without the other artfully done i like that use of "Sunday moanings" ASIEM "Kuun fiyah Kuun" Quran (Be and it is) " A writer takes his pen to write the words again that all in love is fair" Stevie Wonder checkout this site http://4luvofpoetry.com
"keep pennin till the earth birth's your rightful seed then nurture it wit more ink..." ASIEM "Kuun fiyah Kuun" Quran (Be and it is) " A writer takes his pen to write the words again that all in love is fair" Stevie Wonder
15. "RE: Brightest Brown" In response to Reply # 0
"he makes me blush the brightest brown." That line there was enough to make me like this piece. I must say Sis'....you got skillz. Not that you did'nt have em before.... I guess I just never noticed..... pardon me for sleepin'. Keep Flowin'.......
_________________________________________ "Too weird to live.... too rare to die..."
17. "RE: Brightest Brown" In response to Reply # 0
DAMN I WISH MY SUNDAYS MOANINGS COULD BE SO COLORFUL I WAS FEELIN THAT PIECE FO SHO. HOPE THERE'S MORE FROM WHERE THAT CAME FROM. HAHAHA KEEP IT UP SIS.
"i've been drinking too strong to be thinking this long" Common
"i regret having small hands because the lines in my palms aren't long enuff to love you as long as I'd like to" Def Jam Poet
18. "RE: Brightest Brown" In response to Reply # 0
Haven't been on the boards for awhile and ther first thing I peep is this piece. Well I must say I enjoyed the first stanza the most. Just had a nice fluidity and visual aspect I liked. 2nd stanza didn't grab me as hard, but the last stanza summed up everything nicely.
Good Job.....
Missin' you like lungs miss oxygen in a chokehold-Muse
The sexual revolution was born in between these thighs waiting to be reinvented.
"I've come to realise that I never loved Hip-Hop as a whole, just a particular era that happened at the same time as I was actively checking actively for new music."
26. "RE: Brightest Brown" In response to Reply # 0
Just found this, and this was such love...really beautiful girly... i cant even pick just ONE favourite quote keep on keepin on
Blessed Love.
"If you look at my skin And think that I'm a Couple of shades TOO MANY To Qualify... Then the only thing that I Think is TOO BLACK???? >>>> Is that PATCH Over your>>>> 3rd eye!!!!!" - me.
"If you look at my skin And think that I'm a Couple of shades TOO MANY To Qualify... Then the only thing that I Think is TOO BLACK???? >>>> Is that PATCH Over your>>>> 3rd eye!!!!!" - me
27. "RE: Brightest Brown" In response to Reply # 0
Most every pce I've read from you has been hot. This one ranks #1 with me (not that I'm a credible judge). You always touch me deep, deep inside, like you know what I'm feeling and tell everyone. I blush not out of prudence, but because I thought no one else knew...
Sunday moanings, indeed...
-------------------------------------------- "Their rims were high and awesome..." --Ezekiel 1:18
"One Monkey don't stop the show" --Black Thought in The Seed 2.0
"And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." --Luke
28. "RE: Brightest Brown" In response to Reply # 0
This piece -- Like yo name -- HOT LIKE ~FIRE~ -- sizzles!
"Fans self"
A guitar string vibrating, a measure of my soul, a breech in the silence -- I've always felt like words come through me & I write them down... they have no master --- gsquared ♥
"And tell your momma quit paging a brotha at work and leave this rappin' shit to the experts" Mc Ren
Vision this like Vivitar, whose repituar is as vast as Madagascar pull you out the car, murder so bizarre, ARE YOU READY!! RBX
"Let freedom ring with a buck shot but not just yet, first we need to truly understand the nature of the threat, the pale man walks in the threshold of darkness...." Ras Kass
"My mental is the bullet and my tounge is the finger to pull it..." Ras Kass
" What good is a beautiful dame with a rolls royce frame with a volkswagon brain" J-Ro
"*because I had a pretty large dome when I was a shorty. I had to wear a helmet because my head was so heavy that I would lean into shit.*" ... "*"I don't know what's more cruel...The fact that my parents bought a helmet to keep me from falling over, or the fact that they also bought a football T-Shirt so I can pretend that I'm Walter Payton?*" SpookyElectric reply
But anyway this woman is fine...plus she can sang...man she could get it in the worst way... I'm talking bout in the middle of a public crowd wearing a clown suit with the shoes.. while I'm dressed like a magician and shit... hitting from the back.. waving my top hat saying "Now that's a magic...Trick" ... villian_1998
--------------------------------------- << Seattle by moonlight...
30. "how did i miss THIS??!!??" In response to Reply # 0
that's what i'm talkin 'bout
*whew*
*fanning self*
that is HOT!!! lol....definitely diggin that one
_____________________________ "But we are not anti-American. We are anti or against what America is doing wrong in other parts of the world as well as here... Now, you're not supposed to be so blind with patriotism that you can't face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who does it or who says it..." ~Malcolm X
"as moons and responsibilities confound me/and death is my messiah, distantly arriving/winged and unconquerable/in the knowledge that I shall rest/I can continue, ever." (c) limbic_system
so u said you want critique right? wow this is good just follow the parentheses. but uh, your similies and imagery are brilliant.
>in hot satin sheets of sweat >& silk (cliche but got damn! everything before this had me going)
>the first time i sang out for him
(okay this transition is akward. it doesn't flow really. i'd say get rid of it and start a new stanza. but once again... everything before this.... on muthahumping point!)
>a caged bird
>we were destined to spend >our Sunday moanings (good play on words)
>together >we'll wake the earliest birds >of every fantasy we've ever murdered >& for the resurrection >i'll dress him in the brightest brown >that our spirits >can conjure.
this last stanza closed it out perfectly. this piece was fierce. damn!
> > > > )
back to basics
many think my patience's complacence others too quick to turn their backs & just jump ship don't understand a rushed plan won't bear fruit busy choking others with thier truth no time to search their yards for weeds to uproot won't focus on their souls or get grown chasing that (infamous) dream are they too far gone?
need to stop looking in the world for that quick fix time to face yourself strip naked and get back to basics
...she had a body like a cello with legs i mean the ass was absurd long neck smooth skin pretty face cookie nipples eyes wide as her hips full lips between dimples
33. "LET THE CHOICH SAY AMEN!!!!" In response to Reply # 0
AMEN!
AMEN!
AMEN!
That was the nicest drop I've seen on here in weeks....my heart actually skipped a couple times while reading it! I know you want critique, but give me a few moments to get myself together........where's my church fan??????
Plus I got niggas in DC That'll hit you for 3G's and a box of Yum's carry out! Little Brother
37. "this is really good." In response to Reply # 0
shows skills
I'm an ametuer . I got skillet; y'know. The only thing is..I be that others don't. Half of me is corrupt while the other half remains a .
-i need to preface anything i say on the topic of typing online about getting laid with the fact that i do, indeed, get laid. fairly often. i slang a mean piece of kahq when i choose to. just this past weekend i did the dirty deed, made the beast with two backs. sometimes, there was only one back, but... i get laid. -(c)bfnh on why he posts about sex
:::::::
"And the more you hit something hard, the more hardened it becomes--the stronger it becomes. And that's what's happened: I'm resilient." - Michael Jackson
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