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bshelly
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Wed Feb-02-00 02:37 PM

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"Trippin: An Okayplayer Fantasy"


  

          

<BR>Trippin: An Okayplayer Fantasy<BR>or, How We'll Win the War<BR>by me<P>February 2000<P>With his album enconsed at number one, D'Angelo gets the cover of Vibe (regrettably, the latter omits the contributions of a certain funky drummer). The cover shows the ladies what they didn't get to see in "Untitled"--a full body shot of D with two very attrative female hands covering his naughty bits, ala Janet. The issue flies off the shelf.<P>Inside, between checking Marvin, Stevie, Cutris, et al., D makes sure to include a lengthy discussion on Quest's contributions and how the Roots have influenced his own music. He also shouts Common as droppping the hip-hop album of the year in one month. Seeing as how this has been Vibe's best selling issue ever, a lot of confused people walk around saying, "D likes some group called...the Roots? Who dat? Common? That doesn't make sense...." <P>The buzz increases when, in the midst of accepting their second Grammy of the night, the Roots are interrupted by an excited and out-of-rehab ODB, who exclaims, "YEAH!! HELL YEAH!! EFF A BUSTA, EFF A DRE!! Busta is good, but Roots is for the children!!" Thugs across the nation are forced to reconsider.<P>March 2000<P>D lands the cover of Rolling Stone with the subheading, "Soul's Fiery Messiah." Housewives across the nation are given hot flashes from the cover's unblocked view of his entire backside. Inside, D refuses to talk about anything but "Like Water for Chocolate." The entire 4 page interview is a history behind the album's production. When the reporter tries to ask D about Voodoo, D exclaims, "Look, it's my ass on the cover. You'll sell your magazines, so Ima talk about whatever the fuck I want."<P>Shock, surprise, horror. Music industry execs are placed under 24 hour suicide watch as "Like Water for Chocolate" debuts at number 1, outplacing new releases from the Backstreet Boys, Korn, and Tupac ("Maybe, just maybe, we're beating a dead horse here," exclaims the president of 'Pac's label). Shocked, an editor at The Source asks D if he can ask Common to PLEASE be on their cover. D responds by buying The Source and naming Bob Power the new Editor in Chief. <P>April 2000<P>Common and D are featured on the cover of The Source, with the subheadline, "Okay, players?" Both are completely naked except for neon yellow thongs and Ozzy Osbourne masks. Other articles include a preview for "The Broke Diaries" and a 75 page section in which Quest adjusts the mic rating of every album the Source has ever reviewed.<P>July 2000<P>D and Common play the last date of the "Chocolate Voodoo Tour," which has sold out stadiums across the world, in front of Queen Elizabeth II, who tells D, "I may not be brown, but I can GIVE you some sugar." "Voodoo" is certified five times platinum, "Chocolate" 3 times.<P>In other news, "Big Robotic Killer Monsters," the Will Smith movie of the summer, rakes in 100 million dollars in its first three weeks in the theatres. During the climactic scene, in which Will rescues Tyra Banks and gets his seduction thing on, a song familiar to okayplayers across the world plays softly in the background. By the end of the month, "The Wound" is at #1 and the Jazzies are household names.<P>October 2000<P>After appearing on the cover of Okayplayer:The Magazine (formerly "The Source") for an unprecedented six months (each time wearing nothing more than two strategically placed hats), Black Thought drops his solo album, "1000% Dundee." While math professors are up in arms, the album goes straight to number 1, where it will spend five weeks.<P>Meanwhile, the Soulcies production dynasty is in full swing. The boys do tracks for Black Star, Erykah Badu, De La, and a reunited Pharcyde, all of which go to number one on one chart of another. After failing out of college, Mase reappears, claims that "he always knew Puffy was an herb," and shows up at the studio to ask for a track. Suddenly an anvil falls out of the sky and kills Mase.<P>December 2000<P>Filthy with money from her rushed-into-release "Broke Diaries," Angela Nissel buys a majority interest in MCA Records and promises "to never touch that effin site again." Her first move is to release the Slum Village album. Buoyed by their place as okayplayer's tenth artist, album sales are phenomenal.<P>Black Thought finishes the "Yeah, I Called You a Dotito-Head" Tour, and the Roots enter the studio. The media spotlight is intense--the group is chauffered to and from the studio each day to avoid having to answer yet another question about the Okayplayer dynasty they founded. Quest holds a press conference to read a four hundred page essay on his feelings following his particpation in Playgirl's "Men of Okayplayer" issue.<P>Meanwhile, with America having bought "Voodoo" "Chocolate," and "The Wound" and thirsting for more okayartists, Okayplayer Records (formerly MCA) releases "Live at Lilly." The sales of the album are boosted when it is rumored to contain lurid pictures of various okayplayers from the reunion. <P>February 2001<P>In record time, the Roots complete their fifth album, "Happy Songs for Happy Times." The album comes with a 3000 page paper from Dr. Ahmir Thompson (who has received five honorary degrees in the past six months) that is immediately heralded as the definitive history of 20th Century Black Music. The album will remain at #1 for four months, eventually becoming the fourth okayplayer release to top 20 million units sold in the past year.<P>February 2011<P>After a ten year stranglehold on the world's music (not to mention its interests in banking, real estate, and prok bellies), Okayplayer Associates announces it's retirement. Those who had been down with okp since it was no more than a puny web site have become multimillionaires from the stock options, ala Microsoft. The entire first year okp membership and all the okp staff and artists purchase a small island in the Carribean. There they establish a commune dedicated to equality, harmony with the earth, and channeling the spirit of Bob Marely. The example brings harmony to the world, as nation after nation ceases hostilities and "pushes up their lighters." Peace reigns on earth, all thanks to a little album called "Voodoo" and a little group called The Roots.<P>Hey, it COULD happen...<P>Bryan<P>All I wanna do is disco machine gun!!<P>"I believe in one love."<BR> ---Massive Attack

----
bshelly

"You (Fisher) could get fired, Les Snead could get fired, Kevin Demoff could get fired, but I will always be Eric Dickerson.” (c) The God

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
gah
Feb 02nd 2000
1
i got my shorts ready!!!!
Feb 02nd 2000
2
Okayplaer taking over in 2G!
Feb 03rd 2000
3
Technicolor Dreams
Feb 03rd 2000
4
hehe--classic ish right there n/m
Feb 03rd 2000
5
2 much love
Feb 03rd 2000
6
2 much love
Feb 03rd 2000
7
pushing it up cause I can't read it right now
angieee
Feb 04th 2000
8
Whatever, Biter
Feb 04th 2000
10
Brilliant !!!!!
Feb 04th 2000
9
this thread is wack
Feb 06th 2000
11
My Bad, Tink
Feb 06th 2000
12
wow
Feb 07th 2000
13
Added Clause...
Feb 08th 2000
14
Please archive this thread...
okayraina
Feb 08th 2000
15
complete and utter world domination
jazzgrrl
Feb 08th 2000
16

bshelly
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71707 posts
Wed Feb-02-00 02:38 PM

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1. "gah"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

<BR>This is what happens when you really don't want to read another damn word about John Stuart Mill. I apologize.<P>Bryan<P>All I wanna do is disco machine gun!!<P>"I believe in one love."<BR> ---Massive Attack

----
bshelly

"You (Fisher) could get fired, Les Snead could get fired, Kevin Demoff could get fired, but I will always be Eric Dickerson.” (c) The God

  

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the_fifth
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7346 posts
Wed Feb-02-00 09:11 PM

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2. "i got my shorts ready!!!!"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

when do we buy the stock/ island!!!! damn brian, that was dope, ithink this should be archived, forget what anyone else thinks, that was funny as hell, and i can't wait for every single word to come true, especially the world harmony part, and maybe the money <img src="http://www.okayplayer.com/dcforum/Images/happy.gif">, peace, good story, keep writing.<P>RIP Alexus (aka erin)<P>member of SPAS, soon to be Vp, lol<P>The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.<P>"At the end of 360 degrees, Winter is a metaphor: a term not only used to describe the season of ice, but the period of our lives through which we are traveling. In our hearts we feel that spring is just around the corner: a spring of brotherhood and united spirits among people of color. Everyone is moving, searching. There is a restlessness within our souls that keeps us questioning, discovering and struggling against a system that will not allow us space and time for fresh expression. Western iceman have attempted to distort time. Extra months on the calender and daylight saved, what was Eastern Standard. We approach winter the most depressing period in history of this industrial empire, with threats of oil shortages and energy crises. But we, as Black people, have been a source of endless energy, endless beauty and endless determination. I have many things to tell you about tomorrow's love and light. We will see you in the spring." -Gil Scott-Heron<P>"Rest in peace, move in passion." -Khalil Gibran<P>APPLY LIBERALLY!!!!! <img src="http://www.okayplayer.com/dcforum/Images/happy.gif"><P><BR>

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all other gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours. - Stephen Henry Roberts

Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers

  

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el_rey
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5626 posts
Thu Feb-03-00 07:28 AM

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3. "Okayplaer taking over in 2G!"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

This ish had me laughin OUT LOUD in this little office! Damn, that's some visionary ish, an ya know IT COULD HAPPEN TOO! <P>Yeah, I'm down for the island as well. Of course, once we secede from the US there will be an economic blockade imposed on us, be we'll all be livin phat off the natural fruits of the land (and the royalties of course! LOL).<P>love and respect,<BR>El Rey<P>"I prefer to speak of the impossible, because we already know too much about what is possible" Silvio Rodriguez<P>"If our profanity offends you, look around you and see how destructively society is profaning itself. It is the rape of the land, the pollution of the environment, the betrayal and suffering of the masses by corrupt government that is the real obscenity." - MOVE statement<P>FREE MUMIA!<BR>www.mumia.org<P>FREE THE MOVE 9!<BR>

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
who are you









really

  

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fire
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111370 posts
Thu Feb-03-00 07:35 AM

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4. "Technicolor Dreams"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Wouldn't we then have a perfect world?<P>Hairgrease&Hotcombs<P>I AM BLACK MUSIC<P>"You are the seed and the grain of every harvest, planted in love by a being far beyond this." - Teena Marie<P>"Now, who else wanna fuck with Hollywood Coles?"- Dre/Kast<P>"You need devotion, blessed are the children, deliver from the fruits of evil" -Earth,Wind & Fire<P>"If trouble were money, I swear I'd be a millionaire" - Stokely/MintCondition<P>

________________________________________
who gonna check me boo?!

www.twitter.com/firefire100
http://instagram.com/firefire100
www.philadelphiaeagles.com

  

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MicheleQJ
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5380 posts
Thu Feb-03-00 07:51 AM

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5. "hehe--classic ish right there n/m"
In response to Reply # 0


          

"Well, I like to eat, sleep, drink, and be in love.<BR>I like to work, read, learn, and understand life." - Langston Hughes "Theme for English B"

http://myspace.com/139003080
http://www.last.fm/user/micheleqj/
http://myspace.com/alluswe
http://myspace.com/fermentedspirits
http://www.last.fm/music/Alluswe

  

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annastesia
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51 posts
Thu Feb-03-00 11:20 AM

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6. "2 much love"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Every word in that post was brilliant. I agree that it should be archived. I was grinnin all over the place after reading that...thinking I was really going to stop by the store on the way home and get the copy of Playgirl with the okayplayers. Damn.<P>Thank you for that well-written fantasy.<P><BR>-TC<P>"What if half the things ever said<BR> Turned out 2 be a lie...<BR> How will U know the Truth?" -Prince

  

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annastesia
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51 posts
Thu Feb-03-00 11:24 AM

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7. "2 much love"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Wow...what beauty that would be. I've been sittin here at work with a grin on my face fooling myself thinking that I get to stop by the store on the way home and grab a copy of Playgirl with all my okayplayers in there. Aaah...<P>I agree--that post should be archived. Thank you for the oasis in my desert day.<P>-TC<P>"What if half the things ever said<BR> Turned out 2 be a lie...<BR> How will U know the Truth?" -Prince

  

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angieee

Fri Feb-04-00 08:59 AM

  
8. "pushing it up cause I can't read it right now"
In response to Reply # 7


          

But, based on everyone's comments...it's hot.<P>Will block in in for a good read at 3pm. Don't want to skim it.<P>angieee ('stress)<P>Buy my book. You got a year to save up for it. "The Broke Diaries": Spring 2001 Random House / Villard Press.<P>(Yeah, yeah...Random House, I ain't joking...I'm coming LARGE!, WHAT?!!)<P>Hey! Music and News are here: <a href="http://www.okayplayer.com/update.html" target="_blank">http://www.okayplayer.com/update.html<;/a><P>Looking for those posting guidelines? <BR><a href="http://www.okayplayer.com/guidelines.html" target="_blank">http://www.okayplayer.com/guidelines.html<;/a>

  

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bshelly
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71707 posts
Fri Feb-04-00 12:01 PM

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10. "Whatever, Biter"
In response to Reply # 8


  

          

<BR>What, first you snag my Christmas bonus story for your book, and now you're stalling on my okayplayer fictional debut? <P>IT'S ON, PUNK. I'm taking my literary ass over to Random House first thing on Monday, spreading some sugar, and getting a book contract. Then I'm getting in good with promotions, baking 'em cookies, giving 'em backrubs, all that ish. We'll just see who gets the signings at Borders and who's stuck at Aunt Josie's Discount Book-O-Rama.<P>What, indeed.<P>Bryan<P>All I wanna do is disco machine gun!!<P>"I believe in one love."<BR> ---Massive Attack

----
bshelly

"You (Fisher) could get fired, Les Snead could get fired, Kevin Demoff could get fired, but I will always be Eric Dickerson.” (c) The God

  

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Silky1
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9763 posts
Fri Feb-04-00 09:01 AM

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9. "Brilliant !!!!!"
In response to Reply # 7


  

          

Man, I could actually vision that whole post,while I was reading it. Classic !!!!<P>Peace,<P>Kevin

silk.later

http://soulodyssey.podbean.com/ My new podcast. That's right, i'm baaaaaaacccckkk !!!!!

  

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TinkyWinky
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2726 posts
Sun Feb-06-00 08:23 PM

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11. "this thread is wack"
In response to Reply # 0


          

i wasn't even mentioned ONCE! <img src="http://www.okayplayer.com/dcforum/Images/wink.gif"><P><a href="http://www.thehungersite.com" target="_blank">http://www.thehungersite.com<;/a><P>"I ain't no goddamn son of a bitch--you'd better think about it, baby!"<BR> --Glenn Danzig (Misfits)<P>"Where the F*CK is my purse icon??????"

:::::::::::::
"And I know what the fuck an option quarterback is. He's the black QB under six feet that ends up being converted to wide receiver once he's selected on day two of the NFL draft because he can't hit the ocean from the edge of a boat."

--

  

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bshelly
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71707 posts
Sun Feb-06-00 09:17 PM

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12. "My Bad, Tink"
In response to Reply # 11


  

          

<BR>You got run over by a cement truck for getting the "My Complaint About Questlove" joke and helping me look like the ass of the year. <img src="http://www.okayplayer.com/dcforum/Images/happy.gif"> J/K--I fully take responsibility for my TOTAL missing the joke and retaining the "Okayass of the Day" award.<P>And don't worry--when I get motivated, I'll fantasize about non-artist, non-staff players (in a purely platonic form, of course). First time out I didn't want to presume, since I haven't actually met anyone face to face.<P>Bryan<P>Last album purchased: The Clean "Compilation" (and it's sooo good)<P>"I believe in one love."<BR> ---Massive Attack

----
bshelly

"You (Fisher) could get fired, Les Snead could get fired, Kevin Demoff could get fired, but I will always be Eric Dickerson.” (c) The God

  

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ohioplayer
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1362 posts
Mon Feb-07-00 10:46 AM

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13. "wow"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

That ish was dope. Man, you made me feel like I'm a part of something. (Even though what you just described is fictional. I think.) It's just funny how every black person I know was sittin' up like a fiend waiting for D's album and every white person I know (the ones for whom this topic even came up) were all clueless. It's crazy. But when Common drops his stuff it's gonna be all gravy."Feels so good inside myself/Don't wanna move/Feels so good inside myself/Don't need to move/As soon as I go up/I'm comin' down/And when I'm lost/I know I can't be found." -- Sly Stone, 1971

I'm the one man army Jason/I never been tooken out/I keep Hollywood lookin' out

http://www.twitter.com/JGilFeb4
http://www.iepfilm.com
http://vimeo.com/jasongilmore

  

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UrbanCowgRRL
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8764 posts
Tue Feb-08-00 09:24 AM

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14. "Added Clause..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I can't believe you forgot this month<P>August 2000-<P>A few months after D'angelo was crowned the sexiest man alive, people begin to accept his standards as the norm. The beautiful woman and mother of his child, Angie Stone, becomes the next "Supermodel" ala cindy crawford, and paves the way for all REAL women. Woman across the country ditch their eating disorders for a new full figure. She changes all the social norms for what currently defines beauty! <P><BR>that would be the effin' coolest...<P>(or maybe I'm just tired of seeing all these girls with their half a bagel a day diets!! AHHH...)<P>much love,<BR>kyle

much love,
Kyle

Detroit..Let's GO!!! May 12th Dilla Walk for Lupus...Belle Isle...

http://walk.lupusresearch.org/goto/blackeyedskeez

Even a Dollar can HELP..


http://www.myspace.com/jedikyle
http://www.detroitderbygirls.com/

  

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okayraina

Tue Feb-08-00 12:44 PM

  
15. "Please archive this thread..."
In response to Reply # 0


          

<BR>...it shows what happens when an okayplayer dares to dream...or when an okayplayer has a paper due and is going crazy trying to read the material (been there...)<BR>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<P>"Hey...is that boy NAKED?!?!?" -Raina's grandma after watching 'Untittled' video for first time<P>"Rap is outta control...." -EPMD circa 1992<P>"Uphold your Righteous Name<BR>Skip the fame and f*ck the games<BR>Develop and maintain a sense of awareness without being careless...<BR>A nappy-head warrior such as myself is fearless and ready to expose those<BR>who walk around with their spiritual sides all closed..." -me circa 1995

  

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jazzgrrl

Tue Feb-08-00 06:12 PM

  
16. "complete and utter world domination"
In response to Reply # 0


          

just a small dream held by true heads who revere artistry and expression above all else....<P>Brian's fantasy became my wet dream and now I have glimpsed Nirvana. Heaven is truly okayplayer.com<P>"To be great is to be misunderstood" -- Ralph Waldo Emerson<P>

  

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