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<BR>Trippin: An Okayplayer Fantasy<BR>or, How We'll Win the War<BR>by me<P>February 2000<P>With his album enconsed at number one, D'Angelo gets the cover of Vibe (regrettably, the latter omits the contributions of a certain funky drummer). The cover shows the ladies what they didn't get to see in "Untitled"--a full body shot of D with two very attrative female hands covering his naughty bits, ala Janet. The issue flies off the shelf.<P>Inside, between checking Marvin, Stevie, Cutris, et al., D makes sure to include a lengthy discussion on Quest's contributions and how the Roots have influenced his own music. He also shouts Common as droppping the hip-hop album of the year in one month. Seeing as how this has been Vibe's best selling issue ever, a lot of confused people walk around saying, "D likes some group called...the Roots? Who dat? Common? That doesn't make sense...." <P>The buzz increases when, in the midst of accepting their second Grammy of the night, the Roots are interrupted by an excited and out-of-rehab ODB, who exclaims, "YEAH!! HELL YEAH!! EFF A BUSTA, EFF A DRE!! Busta is good, but Roots is for the children!!" Thugs across the nation are forced to reconsider.<P>March 2000<P>D lands the cover of Rolling Stone with the subheading, "Soul's Fiery Messiah." Housewives across the nation are given hot flashes from the cover's unblocked view of his entire backside. Inside, D refuses to talk about anything but "Like Water for Chocolate." The entire 4 page interview is a history behind the album's production. When the reporter tries to ask D about Voodoo, D exclaims, "Look, it's my ass on the cover. You'll sell your magazines, so Ima talk about whatever the fuck I want."<P>Shock, surprise, horror. Music industry execs are placed under 24 hour suicide watch as "Like Water for Chocolate" debuts at number 1, outplacing new releases from the Backstreet Boys, Korn, and Tupac ("Maybe, just maybe, we're beating a dead horse here," exclaims the president of 'Pac's label). Shocked, an editor at The Source asks D if he can ask Common to PLEASE be on their cover. D responds by buying The Source and naming Bob Power the new Editor in Chief. <P>April 2000<P>Common and D are featured on the cover of The Source, with the subheadline, "Okay, players?" Both are completely naked except for neon yellow thongs and Ozzy Osbourne masks. Other articles include a preview for "The Broke Diaries" and a 75 page section in which Quest adjusts the mic rating of every album the Source has ever reviewed.<P>July 2000<P>D and Common play the last date of the "Chocolate Voodoo Tour," which has sold out stadiums across the world, in front of Queen Elizabeth II, who tells D, "I may not be brown, but I can GIVE you some sugar." "Voodoo" is certified five times platinum, "Chocolate" 3 times.<P>In other news, "Big Robotic Killer Monsters," the Will Smith movie of the summer, rakes in 100 million dollars in its first three weeks in the theatres. During the climactic scene, in which Will rescues Tyra Banks and gets his seduction thing on, a song familiar to okayplayers across the world plays softly in the background. By the end of the month, "The Wound" is at #1 and the Jazzies are household names.<P>October 2000<P>After appearing on the cover of Okayplayer:The Magazine (formerly "The Source") for an unprecedented six months (each time wearing nothing more than two strategically placed hats), Black Thought drops his solo album, "1000% Dundee." While math professors are up in arms, the album goes straight to number 1, where it will spend five weeks.<P>Meanwhile, the Soulcies production dynasty is in full swing. The boys do tracks for Black Star, Erykah Badu, De La, and a reunited Pharcyde, all of which go to number one on one chart of another. After failing out of college, Mase reappears, claims that "he always knew Puffy was an herb," and shows up at the studio to ask for a track. Suddenly an anvil falls out of the sky and kills Mase.<P>December 2000<P>Filthy with money from her rushed-into-release "Broke Diaries," Angela Nissel buys a majority interest in MCA Records and promises "to never touch that effin site again." Her first move is to release the Slum Village album. Buoyed by their place as okayplayer's tenth artist, album sales are phenomenal.<P>Black Thought finishes the "Yeah, I Called You a Dotito-Head" Tour, and the Roots enter the studio. The media spotlight is intense--the group is chauffered to and from the studio each day to avoid having to answer yet another question about the Okayplayer dynasty they founded. Quest holds a press conference to read a four hundred page essay on his feelings following his particpation in Playgirl's "Men of Okayplayer" issue.<P>Meanwhile, with America having bought "Voodoo" "Chocolate," and "The Wound" and thirsting for more okayartists, Okayplayer Records (formerly MCA) releases "Live at Lilly." The sales of the album are boosted when it is rumored to contain lurid pictures of various okayplayers from the reunion. <P>February 2001<P>In record time, the Roots complete their fifth album, "Happy Songs for Happy Times." The album comes with a 3000 page paper from Dr. Ahmir Thompson (who has received five honorary degrees in the past six months) that is immediately heralded as the definitive history of 20th Century Black Music. The album will remain at #1 for four months, eventually becoming the fourth okayplayer release to top 20 million units sold in the past year.<P>February 2011<P>After a ten year stranglehold on the world's music (not to mention its interests in banking, real estate, and prok bellies), Okayplayer Associates announces it's retirement. Those who had been down with okp since it was no more than a puny web site have become multimillionaires from the stock options, ala Microsoft. The entire first year okp membership and all the okp staff and artists purchase a small island in the Carribean. There they establish a commune dedicated to equality, harmony with the earth, and channeling the spirit of Bob Marely. The example brings harmony to the world, as nation after nation ceases hostilities and "pushes up their lighters." Peace reigns on earth, all thanks to a little album called "Voodoo" and a little group called The Roots.<P>Hey, it COULD happen...<P>Bryan<P>All I wanna do is disco machine gun!!<P>"I believe in one love."<BR> ---Massive Attack
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bshelly
"You (Fisher) could get fired, Les Snead could get fired, Kevin Demoff could get fired, but I will always be Eric Dickerson.” (c) The God
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