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this just in!<P>New York Post<BR>March 3, 2000<P>New York - Last night, in a bizzare continuation of the violence that has plagued rap "music" throughout the past several years, an obsure rapper by the name of Common alledgedly stabbed a member of the beloved Grammy-winning rap "band" The Roots. The victim, "drummer" Questlove, was attacked at the Kit Kat Club during a record release party for rapper Beanie Sigel in an apparent altercation revolving around downloadable MP3s.<P>According to witnesses, Common angerly entered the venue draped in eye-scorching african dashikis after scuffling outside with anti-fur activists who had been taunting him mercilessly for his full-length clubbed-baby-seal jacket. Onlookers said that Common made a "beeline" for the plump Quest, who was blissfully sipping expensive champagnes while cradling his recently-won Grammy. "I saw it all", said a visibly-shaken rapper named Dice Raw, "as Common pushed through the crowd, he looked like a raging grizzy with that crazy coat of his." <P>When Common finally reached the frolicking Quest, who by now had jubilantly wedged the Grammy into his well-endowed afro, he withdrew a small knife from the folds of his mu-mu and plunged the blade into into Quest's ample midsection. Onlookers claim that Common whispered, "I used to love her", as he commenced his savage assault. At press time, police investigators have stated that they are unaware of the identity of the female he was referring to. But, said police chief Howard Safir, "if 'her' turns out to be a black male, we will kill him". In the mayhem that ensued after the stabbing, Roots rapper Black Thought was seen crying uncontrollably on stage while a shirtless d'angelo was orally consoled by several women.<P>Industry insiders maintain that the attack was retribution for the rampant MP3ing of Common's forth-coming album "Like Water For Chocolate". MP3's are apparently a way that computer nerds distribute illicit musical materials over the internet during the brief periods of time when they are not exchanging pornography. Thus far in the case, it is not known if normal members of society have any idea what MP3's even are.<P>According to sources close to Common, he believed that Quest, the ringleader of a rogue band of "musicians" called the Soulquarians, was the mastermind behind the MP3 fiasco. "Quest had the access to the master tapes", said a dreadlocked beatboxer who requested anonymity, "and once he started brandishing those iced-out platinum drumsticks and afro-picks, Com was sure he was the culprit". There is speculation that Quest ran his entire piracy operation through an anti-Common web-site known as "Okayplayer", which has branded Common as "racist", "demonic" and "atheist".<P><BR>you better bring me some muthafuckin' cognac or i'll kill you -- supherb<P>words ought to be a little wild for they are the assault of thoughts on the unthinking -- john maynard keynes
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