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Subject: "An Okayplayer Christmas" This topic is locked.
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Mosaic
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Fri Dec-22-00 12:19 PM

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"An Okayplayer Christmas"


          

An Okayplayer Christmas
An Okayplay by Mosaic and Dove
Backdrops courtesy of Dave & Busters

CAST:
The Little Drummer Boy: ?uestlove
Wise Man #1: Black Thought
Wise Man #2: Common
Wise Man #3: Talib Kweli
Evil King Kamal: Kamal
Evil King’s Soldier #1: Scratch
Evil King’s Soldier #2: Rahzel
The Maldogs: King Kamal’s pitbulls
Hub: Hub
Star of Bethlehem: the JazzyFatNastees
Virgin Mary: Jaguar

Special Guest Stars:
Big Daddy Kane as Joseph
And Ol’ Dirty Bastard as Big Baby Jesus

LIGHTS UP

West of Bethlehem--

Little Drummer ?: Damn…it’s gonna be a party over at the manger…at least that’s what the flyer said.
(reads flyer) “For a Yoda cat was born unto us, this day…bring white elephant gift.” Damn.
(checks pockets) Lint. Damn. And it’s a long ass walk, too. And Walkmans haven’t been invented yet. Argh. (light bulb appears) I’ll just take along my drum and some sticks—mash out some beats on the way—and pick up something on the way.

* starts heading out *

Oh, damn! Forgot something. (grabs Grover plush doll)

Cut to: desert east of Bethlehem—

Wiseman BT: You sure this is the way?

Wiseman Com: I’m as sure as this mule-skin wifebeater is itchy.

Wiseman Kweli: Yo, what did y’all get the Kid anyway?

Wiseman BT: Check this out—(pulls out green bottles)—HeineDogs for er’ybody! Celllll-uh-braaaayte, good times! Come on! * does the Black Thought Dance *

Wiseman Com: That’s cool and all—but I got something for the ‘afterparty,’ if you know what I mean…(pulls out a blue box) See? I heard that God had to give Mary a squirt ‘cause Joseph wasn’t hurtin’ nothin’—that’s where the Nag Champa comes in…a natural afrodesiac, nah’mean?

Wiseman Kweli: You wanna talk about aphrodesiac, right? Feast your eyes on this—(pulls out magazine)—Black Tail! I was gonna cop some books on doing the knowledge @ Nkiru Books and Circumcision Hut, but I figure the cat’s a little too young for that…so, I’m gonna have him up on the biological angles. But, Joseph can borrow it to help his limp biscuit, too…(unveils the centerfold)

Wiseman BT: Yo, are those bullet wounds?

Wiseman Com: It’s starting to get dark out here…

Wiseman Kweli: Ayo, THAT’s it! That’s the sign!

Wiseman BT: The stretch marks?

Wiseman Kweli: Nah! That! (points to the sky)

Star of Bethlehem Jazzies: (insert wonderously enchanting singing and stuff here)

Wiseman Com: Aw shit! That’s cold as hell… * does the Humpty Hump *

Wiseman BT: Alright doritoheads, we gotta keep moving…
***************************************************
*Cut to: the streets of Bethlehem—

Evil Guard Rahzel: Uhm…your Kingship, don’t you think we’ve searched around long enough? I mean, the Maldogs seem pretty full after eating all those male newborns—they’re so tired they don’t even wanna sniff each other’s asses—

Evil King Kamal: Silence! I won’t stop my thugging ‘til I’ve OVERfed the Maldogs—I’m trying to be the next Porkchop—can’t nobody fuck with the Maldogs!

Evil Guard Scratch: “c-c-c-can’t nobody fuck with Mal-izzy-izzy-aldogs!”
******************************************************

*Cut to: just outside of Bethlehem

Little Drummer ?: (noticing the song of the Star of Bethlehem Jazzies) ahh, yeah—that’s what I’m talking about. Eff a Sony! (drums harder)
******************************************************

*Cut to: the Manger

Virgin Jaguar: Yo, I just gave birth to a child and shit—and it’s all cold in here!. Warm it up or something! Get me some Jack—

Big Daddy Joseph Kane: I get it—you need another helpin’ hand to swing on…I’m just gonna make a little campfire over here…

Big Baby Jesus: The fuck are all these animallllllls runnin’ up in my criiibbbbb, my nuhs?!

Virgin Jag: Awww, he takes after me…

BD Joseph Kane: You here that?

Star of Bethlehem Jazzies: (singing) siiiii-len night. Hoooooly night. Aaallll is cal—

Big Baby Jesus: Yo, yo, yo—shut that shit up! I’m here now! SHIMMY SHIMMY YAH! SHIMMY YEAH SHIMMY YAY! GIMME YOUR SINS, SO I CAN TAKE ‘EM AWAY!—

BD Joseph Kane & Virgin Jag (in unison): Isn’t that cuuuuuute???? *looking at their son adoringly*

Star of Bethlehem Jazzies: (shrug) eh? (start to harmonize a Shimmy Shimmy Ya/Eden Zoo medley)

Little Drummer ?: (from just outside the manger) This must be the place—oh snap! A jam session! (insert beginning drums of Clones)

Wiseman BT: Damn, we got here just in time!

(Wisemen BT, Com, and Talib join in--)

Hub: (walks up to the manger) …

Everyone: HUB!!!

Hub: (nods)

(they proceed and continue…)

Big Baby Jesus: I wanna give a fuckin shout to Moses and Abraham…they’re the TRUE patriarchs of this shit! Keepin It REAL!

(outta the blue)

Evil Guard Rahzel: HALT!

Evil Guard Scratch: “H-izza-hizzy-ah-eh-ah-alt!”

(everything stops—fear fills the air)

(…) staggering silence

Little Drummer ?: (calmly) when I’m faced with these kinda moments, I think to myself ‘What Would ?uestlove Do?’

everyone: (ponders thoughtfully)

(suddenly)

Big Baby Jesus: (jumping up) FUCK ALL Y’ALL! I’m here to save all your bitch-asses! Big Baby Jesus is for the children! Y’all can’t stop the God, Hay-zoos! I NEVER BEEN TOOKEN OUT! I KEEP SINNERS LOOKIN OUT!—

(the Session, Pt 2 begins anew…)

Evil Guards Rahzel and Scratch look at each other.

Evil Guard Rahzel: (joining in) BRWOINRRRNNW!

Evil Guard Scratch: “l-live and die-eh-ie-rect!…from Ill-eh-ill-eh-IllaBeth!”—eff a Kamal—brutha owes me $5!

Little Drummer ?: * sniff * (a single tear rolls down his cheek) That’s beautiful….anyone wanna grab a Big Mac?



THE END!!!



peace--|mosaic|aim:treisdeuce
meyendstate balloon: it might go pop, but it won't blow up.
if you're thuggin and you know it, clap yo hands--yukmouth

  

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Topic Outline
Subject Author Message Date ID
artistically speaking
Dec 22nd 2000
1
!!
Dec 22nd 2000
2
@@@@@
Dec 23rd 2000
3
tank u
Dec 23rd 2000
7
HAHA!
Dec 23rd 2000
4
FUNNY/ BRILLIANT
srib8343
Dec 23rd 2000
5
archive!!!!!!!
Dec 23rd 2000
6
...
Dec 24th 2000
8
Good shit n/m
Dec 24th 2000
9
Critics agree
Dec 24th 2000
10
      haha you silly!! nm
Dec 24th 2000
11
RE: An Okayplayer Christmas
nappyhead earth
Dec 25th 2000
12
perfect
Dec 26th 2000
13
he needs to be n/m
Dec 26th 2000
14
^^
Dec 27th 2000
15
what a great way to come back to work!!!!!!!!!
Dec 27th 2000
16
I can't believe this...
Dec 27th 2000
17
--semi-related uppance--
Dec 27th 2000
18
how did they KNOW? LOL! n/m
Dec 28th 2000
19
Next: An okayplayer Christmas Carol (C'mon. That would be ill and you kn...
Dec 29th 2000
20
you know
Dec 29th 2000
21
      RE: you know
Dec 29th 2000
22
      nonono!
Dec 29th 2000
23
           Better yet...
Dec 29th 2000
25
                you killin me!! haha!
Dec 29th 2000
26
                     WHAT!!!???!
Dec 30th 2000
27
      Shawn Gee as Scrooge
Dec 29th 2000
24
Steve?
Jan 09th 2001
28
lol-thats too much
Dec 18th 2001
29

Dove
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Fri Dec-22-00 01:20 PM

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1. "artistically speaking"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

I hope the critics come with joy in their hearts.
Dove
~Sheepish Lordess of Chaos~

Peep this:
http://www.flashnewsmag.com

Native 2
http://www.nativemagazine.com

http://UrbLife.com
http://twitter.com/FlyLikeDove
http://instagram.com/FlyLikeDove
http://Facebook.com/FlyLikeDove
http://flylikedove.contently.com

  

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Dove
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32915 posts
Fri Dec-22-00 08:35 PM

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2. "!!"
In response to Reply # 1


  

          

!

http://UrbLife.com
http://twitter.com/FlyLikeDove
http://instagram.com/FlyLikeDove
http://Facebook.com/FlyLikeDove
http://flylikedove.contently.com

  

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qoolquest
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10251 posts
Sat Dec-23-00 08:22 AM

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3. "@@@@@"
In response to Reply # 0


          

classic!


december is........

check the resume

organix-93
(from the ground up)-94
do you want more?!!???!-95
illadelph halflife-96
things fall apart-99
(the legendary)-99
the roots come alive-99
phrenology-2002
the tipping point-2004
(the roots present...) 2004
homegrown: the beginne

  

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Dove
Charter member
32915 posts
Sat Dec-23-00 11:46 AM

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7. "tank u"
In response to Reply # 3


  

          

glad people like it - but you most of all - me & Mo wanted to give you a good smile for the holiday
Dove
~Sheepish Lordess of Chaos~

Peep this:
http://www.flashnewsmag.com

Native 2
http://www.nativemagazine.com

http://UrbLife.com
http://twitter.com/FlyLikeDove
http://instagram.com/FlyLikeDove
http://Facebook.com/FlyLikeDove
http://flylikedove.contently.com

  

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nick
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131 posts
Sat Dec-23-00 09:25 AM

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4. "HAHA!"
In response to Reply # 0


          

That is dope, i love the Everyone - HUB. Hub (nods). They proceed. haha thats dope. Good ish man!

the rap game is all fucked up now, what we goin do now, how we goin eat man, 50 back around

  

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srib8343

Sat Dec-23-00 09:46 AM

  
5. "FUNNY/ BRILLIANT"
In response to Reply # 4


          

That was hilarious- especialy Jag and ODB!! Funny! I ove it- I'm a tell everyone I know to read it. LOVE!!! Merry Christmas, Ramamdan, Kwanzaa, Hanukah.

  

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spirit
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Sat Dec-23-00 10:25 AM

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6. "archive!!!!!!!"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

>Wiseman Com: I’m as sure
>as this mule-skin wifebeater is
>itchy.

MULE SKIN WIFEBEATER!!!! HA!

>Wiseman BT: Yo, are those
>bullet wounds?

classic line # 2


>Wiseman Com: Aw shit!
>That’s cold as hell… *
>does the Humpty Hump *

classic line #3 the humpty hump!!!

>Virgin Jaguar: Yo, I just
>gave birth to a child
>and shit—and it’s all cold
>in here!. Warm it
>up or something! Get
>me some Jack—

ha!

>Big Baby Jesus: The fuck
>are all these animallllllls runnin’
>up in my criiibbbbb, my
>nuhs?!

LOL


>yo—shut that shit up!
>I’m here now! SHIMMY
>SHIMMY YAH! SHIMMY YEAH SHIMMY
>YAY! GIMME YOUR SINS,
>SO I CAN TAKE ‘EM
>AWAY!—

ROTLMAO

- Spirituality

http://www.theamphibians.com - CLICK
IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Peace,

Spirit (Alan)
http://wutangbook.com

  

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Dove
Charter member
32915 posts
Sun Dec-24-00 08:18 AM

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8. "..."
In response to Reply # 6


  

          

:-)
Mo is a genius.

Dove
~Sheepish Lordess of Chaos~

"kids better buy my rookie card now, cuz after this year the price ain't comin down!" - Mos Def

Peep this:
http://www.flashnewsmag.com

Native 2
http://www.nativemagazine.com

http://UrbLife.com
http://twitter.com/FlyLikeDove
http://instagram.com/FlyLikeDove
http://Facebook.com/FlyLikeDove
http://flylikedove.contently.com

  

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QuestOn4
Member since Aug 08th 2003
39 posts
Sun Dec-24-00 08:33 AM

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9. "Good shit n/m"
In response to Reply # 0


          



----Initiating shutdown sequence----
----Deactivating Soul Brother Prototype:"Quest"- - -

"Your nerd jokes mean nothing to me. I gotta go keep it real." (c) Riley, The Boondocks
*******************
QuestOn4: i get irritated though, that
black media is under the impression
that all black people are Christian.
KaRaS: i know
KaRaS: black media is such a crock of doody pops sometimes anyways
KaRaS: and BET? ugh! i won't even start on them
KaRaS: lol
QuestOn4: man...
KaRaS: lol
QuestOn4: BET.
QuestOn4: they...
QuestOn4: they're really special.
KaRaS: indeed!
QuestOn4: what the fuck does Black Star Power mean, anyway?
KaRaS: i dunno
KaRaS: whatever talib and mos have that helps them fight crime
QuestOn4: lmao!
KaRaS: lol
*******************
AIM: QuestOn4

  

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3rd i
Charter member
15831 posts
Sun Dec-24-00 06:58 PM

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10. "Critics agree"
In response to Reply # 9


  

          

it was a very moving piece of work that i hope will be made into a musical that will be shown off Martin Luther King Blvd and Malcolm X way at sometime in tha near future..


Brilliant...Big Baby Jesus was Riviting
--Tha Nubian News
A Must See
--Big Shirley of tha diner

www.myspace.com/3rd_i

3rd i: so u gonna be my child's god parent
Dawgeatah: i already have 3
3rd i: yeah but do u have a black one..like pokemon gotta catch them all.

i am a self-mutilator
of the worst kind...
(c)MyLife

  

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Dove
Charter member
32915 posts
Sun Dec-24-00 07:48 PM

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11. "haha you silly!! nm"
In response to Reply # 10


  

          

Dove
~Sheepish Lordess of Chaos~


http://UrbLife.com
http://twitter.com/FlyLikeDove
http://instagram.com/FlyLikeDove
http://Facebook.com/FlyLikeDove
http://flylikedove.contently.com

  

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nappyhead earth

Mon Dec-25-00 07:41 PM

  
12. "RE: An Okayplayer Christmas"
In response to Reply # 0


          

funny indeed...you have quite a way with storytelling


  

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Hot_Damali
Charter member
8959 posts
Tue Dec-26-00 05:12 AM

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13. "perfect"
In response to Reply # 0


          

Mo, why aren't you a famous comedy/satire writer? Or are you? Hmmmmm...

d


  

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Dove
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32915 posts
Tue Dec-26-00 06:55 AM

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14. "he needs to be n/m"
In response to Reply # 13


  

          

Dove
~Sheepish Lordess of Chaos~

http://UrbLife.com
http://twitter.com/FlyLikeDove
http://instagram.com/FlyLikeDove
http://Facebook.com/FlyLikeDove
http://flylikedove.contently.com

  

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Dove
Charter member
32915 posts
Wed Dec-27-00 07:03 AM

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15. "^^"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

.

http://UrbLife.com
http://twitter.com/FlyLikeDove
http://instagram.com/FlyLikeDove
http://Facebook.com/FlyLikeDove
http://flylikedove.contently.com

  

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el_rey
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5626 posts
Wed Dec-27-00 09:35 AM

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16. "what a great way to come back to work!!!!!!!!!"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

y'all need to keep that ish comming cuz that was dope!

love and respect,
El Rey


http://www.mumia2000.org
http://www.mumia.org

not only am I a co-founder of the HBN, I'm a (daily) client.

"yo he preferido hablar de cosas imposibles ... porque de lo posible, se sabe demasiado" -- Silvio Rodriguez

"I certainly dont live here to be "given" liberty- I live here to continue the struggle that insists that i am already free" -- KoalaLove

http://www.blackgrrrlrevolution.org
cuz yer either down with the revolution or not ...

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
who are you









really

  

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LexM
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28342 posts
Wed Dec-27-00 10:02 AM

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17. "I can't believe this..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

lol...

this was...pure insanity.

*still laughin*

L.


"If you don't have no psychology, and no theology, all you got left to offer a man is your biology."(c) a preacher a friend of mine knows

"words just disguise/all of the things/that you be" ~~Bilal

"hell emphatically no" (c) Damon Wayans in Bamboozled

carameldom@hotmail.com
http://members.blackplanet.com/Lex319

From the bmore/dc area? check out the Bmore Okplayers at http://www.egroups.com

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

  

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Mosaic
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16408 posts
Wed Dec-27-00 01:08 PM

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18. "--semi-related uppance--"
In response to Reply # 0


          

http://www.theonion.com/onion3646/nativity.html

peace--|mosaic|aim:treisdeuce
meyendstate balloon: it might go pop, but it won't blow up.
if you're thuggin and you know it, clap yo hands--yukmouth

  

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Dove
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32915 posts
Thu Dec-28-00 06:35 AM

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19. "how did they KNOW? LOL! n/m"
In response to Reply # 18


  

          

Dove
~Sheepish Lordess of Chaos~

"kids better buy my rookie card now, cuz after this year the price ain't comin down!" - Mos Def

Peep this:
http://www.flashnewsmag.com

Native 2
http://www.nativemagazine.com

http://UrbLife.com
http://twitter.com/FlyLikeDove
http://instagram.com/FlyLikeDove
http://Facebook.com/FlyLikeDove
http://flylikedove.contently.com

  

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HomerILLiad404
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2855 posts
Fri Dec-29-00 05:28 AM

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20. "Next: An okayplayer Christmas Carol (C'mon. That would be ill and you kn..."
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

Another word from The Good Doctor

Dr. Homer M. ILLiad(error 404: cridentals not found)

OKAYOUNGIN!!! The OKAYoungins are dj_teddy_bear, daveyg, zero, DROots, albinomexican, illnes, okaymattd, Daila, HomerILLiad404(the good doctor himself), okaybrazillian, mzhotgirl, Essaywhaman, GoldenWon, Preach, HersheyBit, brown_thought, naame, akweykan, Lyterall, MoJoTaters, Loryn, Imfntubby, ILLusional, tRoUbLeMnD, TotalRequestloveLive, WhiGoStaR, smiler


( o )( o )
DROkayplayer™: "Plant around the March Equinox"-George Carlin

"if a bitch dont look like they are on drugs and squating in an abandon building yet knows all the coolest hollywood bands and goes to choachella... that bitch is no hipster"-M. Ren

  

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Dove
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32915 posts
Fri Dec-29-00 06:37 AM

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21. "you know"
In response to Reply # 20


  

          

that is an excellent idea! We just gotta figure out who's gonna play Scrooge!!!
Dove
~Sheepish Lordess of Chaos~

"kids better buy my rookie card now, cuz after this year the price ain't comin down!" - Mos Def

Peep this:
http://www.flashnewsmag.com

Native 2
http://www.nativemagazine.com

http://UrbLife.com
http://twitter.com/FlyLikeDove
http://instagram.com/FlyLikeDove
http://Facebook.com/FlyLikeDove
http://flylikedove.contently.com

  

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HomerILLiad404
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2855 posts
Fri Dec-29-00 06:44 AM

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22. "RE: you know"
In response to Reply # 21


  

          

?uest would make a tight Scrooge...seriously

( o )( o )
DROkayplayer™: "Plant around the March Equinox"-George Carlin

"if a bitch dont look like they are on drugs and squating in an abandon building yet knows all the coolest hollywood bands and goes to choachella... that bitch is no hipster"-M. Ren

  

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Dove
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32915 posts
Fri Dec-29-00 07:09 AM

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23. "nonono!"
In response to Reply # 22


  

          

He's not a scroogie... he's more like a tiny tim
Dove
~Sheepish Lordess of Chaos~


http://UrbLife.com
http://twitter.com/FlyLikeDove
http://instagram.com/FlyLikeDove
http://Facebook.com/FlyLikeDove
http://flylikedove.contently.com

  

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HomerILLiad404
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2855 posts
Fri Dec-29-00 07:39 AM

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25. "Better yet..."
In response to Reply # 23


  

          

Tariq as Scrooge & ?uest as Marley

( o )( o )
DROkayplayer™: "Plant around the March Equinox"-George Carlin

"if a bitch dont look like they are on drugs and squating in an abandon building yet knows all the coolest hollywood bands and goes to choachella... that bitch is no hipster"-M. Ren

  

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Dove
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32915 posts
Fri Dec-29-00 08:17 AM

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26. "you killin me!! haha!"
In response to Reply # 25


  

          

stop that!

http://UrbLife.com
http://twitter.com/FlyLikeDove
http://instagram.com/FlyLikeDove
http://Facebook.com/FlyLikeDove
http://flylikedove.contently.com

  

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HomerILLiad404
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2855 posts
Sat Dec-30-00 03:55 AM

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27. "WHAT!!!???!"
In response to Reply # 26


  

          

That would be hella tight. Don't front on it! And Com could be the ghost of Christmas Past.

( o )( o )
DROkayplayer™: "Plant around the March Equinox"-George Carlin

"if a bitch dont look like they are on drugs and squating in an abandon building yet knows all the coolest hollywood bands and goes to choachella... that bitch is no hipster"-M. Ren

  

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Imokuede
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5180 posts
Fri Dec-29-00 07:39 AM

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24. "Shawn Gee as Scrooge"
In response to Reply # 21


  

          

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." - Unknown

______________________________
PSN ID - muzuabo

R.I.P. - The Curse

<---Wait til they get a load of me.

1918-2004

October 13th - Kitties Get Wet

  

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Dove
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32915 posts
Tue Jan-09-01 02:11 PM

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28. "Steve?"
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Dove
~Sheepish Lordess of Chaos~

"when I say cute, it's not baby or monkey cute....." - nushooz

"kids better buy my rookie card now, cuz after this year the price ain't comin down!" - Mos Def

Peep this:
http://www.flashnewsmag.com

Native 2
http://www.nativemagazine.com

http://UrbLife.com
http://twitter.com/FlyLikeDove
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http://Facebook.com/FlyLikeDove
http://flylikedove.contently.com

  

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darrylclark
Charter member
16201 posts
Tue Dec-18-01 07:42 PM

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29. "lol-thats too much"
In response to Reply # 0


  

          

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A yo, Nature, I can't hold your hand through this shit man I'm not your father man, be your own man stand on your own two. I believe in you-believe in yo' self nigga, or don't even rep dis man. (c) Nas "Destroy & Rebuild"

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<---------------Naima and Nia Simone

  

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