a few months ago, i got into a very involved conversation with a young lady at an NABJ-related event.

she off-handedly made a comment about how she was confident that she was going to nab her a good black man (she's a senior at Howard).

i, of course, couldn't let the comment slide. ('what does that mean? what are the criteria?')

pretty soon she and i had entered this weird place where everyone else at the table were watching us have this...well, it wasn't a debate, really. we were cracking jokes on each other and we were both conceding points and wrestling with ideas the other had thrown out.

anyway, my basic point was that there was something kinda implicitly insulting about the the phrase: black men are broken by default, and desireable ones were rare. she said that her girlfriend who went to Xavier (Louisiana) was kinda down about the fact that the school was overwhelmingly female (her number was 90% but i couldn't verify that) and that her chances of having a pool of college educated black men would plummet even further when she graduated. she said she empathized with her girl. and then we got into this long aside on masculinity and gender roles and...

blah.

she said an alumnus of Howard made a comment to her while they were in the bathroom at some event. 'get your man now. i got my neurosurgeon back in undergrad.' we both agreed that that was kinda gross.

she said she wanted to include my opinions in her senior thesis, which i guess is nominally about ideas about 'good black men.'

i said all that to say: does anyone else have a problem with the phraseology? with the basic premise?

i dunno.

have you been called this? did you take it as a compliment?

(go.)

~G.D.

(which is prolly for the best)

~G.D.

but she's not playing today.

:-)

~G.D.

bring to these conversations.

~G.D.

~G.D.

irony - check
cynicism - check
and it just got started


*settles in*
~~~~~~~~
I would rather maim than kill
Hurt than maim
Intimidate than hurt
Avoid than intimidate.
~~~~~~~~~
"...and the irony is most of these cats aren't in any position to rate shit but their insurance coverage" ~ Lingo

and old women who say find them in undergrad

obviously they didnt see the herbs i went to school with


_______________________________________
U make me feel like cookies, yo. (c)DeePhunk

but a lot of the points she brought up were kind of hard to dismiss out of hand.

~G.D.

I hope you meant "herbs" as in sorty nerdy / low-key types ... and not losers with no ambition.

>and old women who say find them in undergrad
>
>obviously they didnt see the herbs i went to school with
>
>
>_______________________________________
>U make me feel like cookies, yo. (c)DeePhunk


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dont drink the koolaid yo

_________________________________________
MYKz desusexmachina.tumblr.com (nws)

based on where i was coming from and where i was going it wasnt happening i saw those dudes as brothers and im sure they didnt like me either

but i know going to an ivy league school either they guys are nerdy to point of being socially awkward or think they are gods gift that leaves like 2 normal ones

and i was probably attracted to 2 people in that school

i think its crazy to say snag someone in undergrad when we made up less than 10 percent of the student body and itw asnt like i was at some huge state school where there were 3000 of us it was more like 400 or less

and you know those people with ambigous african ancestry embellish their applications so it wasnt even 400

anyway at 20 what girl is looking to settle down i sure wasnt and im not now at 28 so yeah i think it creates all this pressure to find someone when at that age you still need to work on developing yourself

let me get vain for a moment im hot i dont think ill have trouble finding dudes so that was never my concern if im not married im not married i have more pressing issues to worry about


_______________________________________
U make me feel like cookies, yo. (c)DeePhunk

i have more pressing issues to worry about

-- basically

____________________________________

he walks away
the sun goes down
he takes the day but i'm grown

....who was seeking a professional Black Man at JUSTIN's. =x
gtfohwtbs!

http://sundasill.tumblr.com/

L

I'm on the same spectrum from teh guys perspective. Implicitly that is not only a problem but indicative that there are like minded people out there taht are just plain not meeting.

two, yes the phrasing bothers me to the point it's almost an insult.

but there is nothing wrong with being odd. i mean you arent inkast or adwhizz odd. - VABestBBW
Binlahab is a bitch.
I wouldn't trust okp, some of them don't even get any anymore since the Re's stopped - Anonymous OKP

Her conscious need to seek out a "good" black man could be a reflection of something within her that caused her to seek out "bad" black men. Anyways, good and bad are relative concepts anyway right?

“Being humble is so 2007.” “Trust me.” -E. Badu

"Purists usually end up dying pure but without many accomplishments." -Abner Mikva

~G.D.

First, it's because the speaker is the person making the comment and they're qualified only to speak from their experience. But, when someone says that they need to do anything different (like find a "good" black man) the inference is that they want to change something about their past behavior. The catch is that "good" is relative. So the attorney that's good for one woman may not be as good as the mechanic for another.

“Being humble is so 2007.” “Trust me.” -E. Badu

"Purists usually end up dying pure but without many accomplishments." -Abner Mikva

what?

~G.D.

Okay. If someone says that they need to find a "good" black man, then that likely means that they haven't found a "good" black man. So, the different thing that they need to do is find a "good" black man. It's apparently something they haven't done before.

“Being humble is so 2007.” “Trust me.” -E. Badu

"Purists usually end up dying pure but without many accomplishments." -Abner Mikva

~G.D.

Fit your paradigm.

“Being humble is so 2007.” “Trust me.” -E. Badu

"Purists usually end up dying pure but without many accomplishments." -Abner Mikva

you know nothing about the dating history of this woman and you've made up your mind about the kind of person she was.

~G.D.

If you look above, my comments have absolutely nothing to do with this woman who I don't know. My responses simply offer a logical counterpoint to you question.

Someone says I want to meet a good black man. You ask what that means. I say that I've always interpeted such statements to reflect on the person making the statement and I'm assuming something about that person? Wow.

Really, you should open your mind to the idea that every comment that someone makes might, just might, have something to do with the person making the comment.

“Being humble is so 2007.” “Trust me.” -E. Badu

"Purists usually end up dying pure but without many accomplishments." -Abner Mikva

that's not an assumption?

~G.D.

Your entire post asks for the opinions of the posters. What I offered to you was my opinion. My comment that you quoted is my impression.

Any individual's comment about themselves in which they declare that they have to do something new or different reflects on their past choices. It has nothing to do with me "assuming" anything about the person making the comment. It's the implicit statement underlying that person's comment.

But, it just seems like you'd prefer a discussion on what it means to be a "good" as opposed to a "bad" black man.

“Being humble is so 2007.” “Trust me.” -E. Badu

"Purists usually end up dying pure but without many accomplishments." -Abner Mikva

~G.D.

There's no such thing as absolute good or bad. So why concern yourself about someone's arbitrary assignment of the term?

“Being humble is so 2007.” “Trust me.” -E. Badu

"Purists usually end up dying pure but without many accomplishments." -Abner Mikva

***
when I come around, they frown
then wanna dap me down
but when I leave?

as in 'i'll give you the last word'(c) O'Reilly.

~G.D.

Just let it go.

“Being humble is so 2007.” “Trust me.” -E. Badu

"Purists usually end up dying pure but without many accomplishments." -Abner Mikva

~G.D.

***
when I come around, they frown
then wanna dap me down
but when I leave?

“Being humble is so 2007.” “Trust me.” -E. Badu

"Purists usually end up dying pure but without many accomplishments." -Abner Mikva

Good perspective.

Food/Drink PlayersCookbook Info:
To help: L9 Health Clinic http://www.commongroundrelief.org/node/242
DEADLINE: November 22, 2006
Please submit your recipes to playerscookbook@yahoo.com or inbox and don't forget PHOTOS.

*********************************

to it. I believe people pursue and/or accept relationships with those folks they really like. If all these women feel that there is a real lack of "good black men" there must be something to that. They're not all just making it up and they're not all off-balance/crazy. It would suck if you were one of the guys getting passed over, but tough titty.

it's more about...this black bogeyman that seems to be lingering in the background, and against whom black men are all measured.

you know him. run-ins with the law. multiple kids with multiple mothers. not about shit.

allegedly.

~G.D.

why wouldn't these be traits for a woman to avoid?

>you know him. run-ins with the law. multiple kids with
>multiple mothers. not about shit.
>
>allegedly.
>
>
>

� � � � � �
www.alienatlien.wordpress.com

i got soul.

and i'm super bad.

but the logic that this guy is the rule and those unlike him are the exception seems problematic.

~G.D.

or does that seem improbable?

and i'm not baiting you, i'm being genuine.

� � � � � �
www.alienatlien.wordpress.com

i got soul.

and i'm super bad.

were that black people were bad tippers or *worse*, would his reluctance to pick up black passengers be less problematic?

~G.D.

the problem and it's effect seem obvious.

so now what?

� � � � � �
www.alienatlien.wordpress.com

i got soul.

and i'm super bad.

if that were the case wouldn't she dismiss black men as a whole?

Food/Drink PlayersCookbook Info:
To help: L9 Health Clinic http://www.commongroundrelief.org/node/242
DEADLINE: November 22, 2006
Please submit your recipes to playerscookbook@yahoo.com or inbox and don't forget PHOTOS.

*********************************

the cab driver would see those who weren't that as exceptions.

'you're not like the rest of them.'

~G.D.

I have "heard" about that dude "the he ain't shit bastard" in conversations with friends and all through college. Funny thing is personally I've never met/dated that dude. I've gone out with some jerks and had some relationships ended badly, but it was never with "that" dude.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
man up and take that pussy fam..
she in YO HOUSE and u letting her treat u like SoWhat man when she on ur couch kiss that bitch neck then try to get ur hands in them drawers, if she push u away evict that bitch.

i think this idea looms larger in our imaginations than actually exists out there.

you mean, out of roughly 30 million black men in America, that dude is the baseline? the default?

~G.D.

of those women who believe in it.

---------------------------------
Do it girl

>it speaks to the selection process of those women who believe in it.

~G.D.