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>did u ever wish, even for a second, that you could've "known" >your father?
i said before that when i made friends with this girl who spoke about her father all the time, i asked my mom about old man. did that significantly change my life, i dont think so.
> >if so. then think about how you would feel, wanting a >connection, wishing u could- and knowing he doesn't want to >know you. that he made the conscious decision to not be in >your life. and he continues to make that decision every single >day.
(we already agreed this doesn't *quite fit my situation, right?)
>>and how is it different from a mother's >i'm sure that depends on the household. but my fathers role >was very different than my mothers.
my father was the fun >parent. he taught me how to play sports, he cooked dinner >every single day, he made sure i enjoyed life. he made me >laugh after my mom fussed at me and made me feel bad. he >balanced our household out. had it not been for him, i >probably woulda kilt myself by age 11. lol. my mom was very >strict and only cared about one thing: school. so mom nurtured >my brain and my father nurtured my spirit.
this is great. im not at all going to take away from your experience. i can also say the same thing though, even though it wont be in terms of mom and dad. mom's was strick yes, i had to have good grades, i got that ass whooping when i was bad. but every time i got an ass whooping i got a reason behind why. and almost always after that ass whooping we would do things together- she'd take me out, or something. and there were also the fun times that we had. we didn't exactly live in a vacuum. we hang out with other folks and i feel added benefits from that too. shit some of my earliest memories was that every weekend we would go out with my mom and other parents/kids. i also remember my mom doing 'fun things' with me. i enjoyed life. again. it doesn't take away from your situation, neither should it from mine.
> >>or what instances are there that a mother cannot fulfil them >>and if you are gonna come up with an 'teach you how to be a >>man' ish then please explain what this 'be a man' ish is. >>and then someone explain that in the context of if the >person >>is female, >>what does the father teach them that is unique and can only >be >>gotten from the fact that he's a man. > >again, its definitely dependent upon the household. my mother >and father's relationship taught me all the things a man is >capable of being in a relationship. it taught me not to >believe the stereotypes that all men cheat, that a woman's >role is to solely care for her man and her children, it taught >me that my man should be just as supportive of my dreams and >ambitions as i am of his, that men can do laundry-lol, etc. >lots of things really. my father defines the kind of man i >wanted to marry, minus his corny jokes-lol. to know that a man >like my father exists in this world taught me to never settle >for some no good as nigga that does not do right by me. and >"right by me" was determined by all the things my father is.
well.. i guess here i can say that i wasn't raised to expect men to only be a certain way. i certainly dont think men are trifling or any of that and neither im i willing to settle with anyone that does not offer me support emotionally (male or female). whether i need it in my goals or ambitions or unrealistic dreams or whatever. mom's favourite phrase is 'be a woman of substance. i.e to do better in your life -dont have standards that limit what you can and cannot do. sounds like what your father taught you, right. when i was in relationships with dudes, i certainly wasn't going to settle just because. shit my momma set a damn high standard. she accomplished a of a lot and i expect the person i end up with is also going to be a go getter. every relationship i enter the only expectation i have is that it be a partnership- dont have expectations of me that you are unwilling to meet if the tables were turned. dont expect support when you dont offer any. dont expect me to be some domestic doormat and i shouldn't ever ask you to do laundry or the dishes. that kind of shit. > >and while you, may not have felt or believe you were affected >in any manner by having a one parent household. the truth is, >when there are two parents who share a healthy and happy home, >having them both there creates a stability, an emotional >support, a balance that one parent alone can not achieve.
again, sugastix.... im not in any way diminishing your experience. please dont diminish mine. i can say there are a lot of things that because my mother was a single parent she taught me that i probably wouldn't have learnt, or i would have learnt much later in life. i do have that stability, emotional support and balance you are talking about. it's not lacking because my dad wasn't there.
> >i know personally, had i only had my mother, life wouldn't >have been half of what is was for me. i was able to do so many >things, all because i had two parents. i didn't have to not >participate in things because it interfered with one parents >schedule. i had a financially stable household so the threat >of one parent losing the only job they had to support me was >never issue (and my mom did get laid off when i was 13 and it >had no affect on us because my dad was there). I had someone >to cook dinner, make sure i did my homework, someone to talk >to about problems, just... i always had SOMEONE there, >regardless if the other one was stressed out about something, >tired, sick, just emotionally or physically unavailable to my >needs. i always had someone there.
having just one income taught me that life is not a piece of cake. it taught me to value what we had and to understand that life does not necessarily come easy. that to me is a valuable lesson i wouldn't trade for the world. shit the moments when we might not have had as much as other kids made me want to succeed in life even harder. knowing my financial situation taught me that you can't always have everything you want.... this is something that everyone comes to learn, right? i learnt that as a 10 yr old kid the time in my life when things got harder. but shit also changed and i just got through college, paying about 16,000$ a semester with no loans. and just recently moms reminded me that i shouldn't be settling- she said, 'im gonna pay for you to go to grad school just let me know when/where and what you plan on studying. this shit is real important to me. going to school and achieving success is one thing mom's taught me especially because i was right there when she was struggling to get here. this made me appreciated harder, my situation. the fact that my life might have been harder than yours financially at certain points does not make me any less of an achiever- it might have made me more.
(im kinda tired of typing... ima just leave it at that.)
> >had my father not come around and fell in love with my mom and >decided to adopt me. i probably would have been much like my >cousins who were raised by single moms. latch key kids, no one >to show up to support me in school activities, never ate >dinner as a family, grew up on microwavable dinners and >hotpockets, doing things i shouldn't have been like skipping >school, drinking, fucking. i definitely wouldn't have been >able to see the world as i have been able to, cause my momma >wouldn't have been to afford it. > >i'm not saying that kids that are raised with only one parent, >do all the fucked up shit kids shouldn't be and stuff. this is >the case with my cousins tho, and i had i not had my father, >they are the crowd i definitely would've been hanging out with >because i would've been left over one of their houses while my >mom worked or went back to school or just plain old needed a >fucking break. lol > > > >and like i said before my father just, just, balanced >everything out. and also like i said in my toast to him on his >50th birthday last year- "dad, my momma might have given me >life, but YOU showed me how to LIVE" > > > >and with that, i'mma call him just to say, i love u. >lol > >i'm so fucking sappy >sumbody slap me > > > > > >> >>im truly curious. >> > > >Not for long... (c) the russian
. http://perspectivesudans.blogspot.com/ i myself would never want to be god,or even like god.Because god got all these human beings on this planet and i most certainly would not want to be responsible for them, or even have the disgrace that i made them.
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