"OKP Ghetto Church Announcements..." Mon Mar-17-03 09:58 AM
To all members of the --
Okayplayer More Than Conquerors New Deliverance Lily Of The Valley Keep Me Near The Cross C.O.G.I.C Holy Tabernacle of Praise Non Denominational Church...
Sistas Janey and Shimmy would like all woman attending the "Joy of Holy Release "Relations" Instructional" this evening to please bring an extra C-Note to this evenings gathering. Sista Shimmy just got in a new shipment of some her best selling products.
(**** Now yall add one... ****)
click profile for avatar(Funny)
Thank you for your attention. You may now return to your regularly scheduled program, already in session.
1. "the Christmas/Easter group is requesting" In response to Reply # 0
that new members sign up for next years plays. while they thank soze for all he's done for the last 4 years, they simply would like other people to play the roles of the burning bush and the north star from time to time in the plays.
5. "the christopher tracy benevolent fund basket" In response to Reply # 0 Mon Mar-17-03 10:12 AM
is still sitting in the back of the church. please give generously. it seems even though we added noise makers to it, the congregation walks right past it coming in and going out, remember God didn't ignore you, don't...ignore him
7. "the "why in the hell is dirty dee" In response to Reply # 0 Mon Mar-17-03 10:34 AM
smiling so damn much children's group" will be meeting following services. all are invited to attend and help us solve on of the great mysteries of our time.
8. "i'd like to remind the male usher board to" In response to Reply # 0
rememebr God's word and forgive. it sees as though brother stacy adams has been fellowshipping with many of the wives of the ushers. brother stacy is on our sick and shut in list this week however he had these words for me to share:
Enlightened1 Member since Aug 13th 2002 5430 posts
Mon Mar-17-03 10:15 AM
12. "For all those interested..." In response to Reply # 0
the class, "I push rhymes like weight", taught by Brother DVS will convene in the vestibule at 9:00. This event will be followed by "Our Improvian Moment: A reflection of OKP liars and gossips" at 11:00. Also please note that "Thick Elegance's Fish and Ribs" will be sold between Sunday School and evenin service. Please stop by LayZBoi's Tent of Tyranny for your very own pile driving instruction.
"But society is more powerful than school when it comes to establishing norms of behavior." (c) C.M. Jones
20. "the church maintenance board would like to extend" In response to Reply # 0
a get well sish to melanish. it seems as if bother mel has not been to work in quite some time. however some of our younger members say they just saw him last night "up in te club (lesson"
21. "we are asking all members to please....." In response to Reply # 0
donate as much washing powder as the lord will allow you. it just looked real bad last week when enlightened 1 fell out(from the spirit and not the communion wine this time)and we had to cover her with those dirty sheets cause we didn't have no powders to wash. remember cleanliness is next to godliness......
we came up the hard way steal or starve way ski mask and get robbed way far from broadway trajik but its no play and we living off the prayers our grandmothers pray. >>killer mike<<
i'm hearing rumors about what cho clique gone do so steped to this fool and confronted his crew and said now which one of yall sposed to take me to school if you see a lame nigga, my nigga take his shoes www.quadrush.blogspot.com
23. "the friends of j-suns choir wish to" In response to Reply # 0
extend a word of thanks and appreciation to the congregation. the ashtrays and lunch trays were installed in the choir areas least week. donations of finger foods and sandwiches are now being accepted
25. "we like to ask that brother remy martin, while" In response to Reply # 23 Mon Mar-17-03 10:32 AM
free to catch the spirit like all of us, please stop short of going body limp and falling out. this is to reduce the chance of further injuries of our ushers while tryign to remove you from the sanctuary.
on a related note, usher donwill's c-4/c-5 spinal vertebrae fusion was a success. he wishes to informed brother martin that there are no hard feelings.
MrThomas43423 Member since Jul 03rd 2002 67613 posts
Mon Mar-17-03 10:31 AM
24. "We regret to inform you that..." In response to Reply # 0
Sis. Parker died during baptism last Sunday here at church. Remem.(Rev) Jenkins' back went out on him, "In the Name of the Holy Ghost" and he landed on Sis. Parker drowning her. Please keep both families in your prayers.
----------------------------------------------------------------- I am not like them at all, and I cannot pretend. - Cee-Lo
Jokes, and jokes, and jokes and...ha ha ha ha ha. Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. - Dave Chappelle
--------------------------------------- it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.
are invited to the semi annual excorcism/bake sale of sister Raina which will take place in the new west wing of the church. Refreshments and vomit guards will be provided.
29. "We wish to extend our deepest" In response to Reply # 0 Mon Mar-17-03 10:38 AM
appreciation to brother Crich monkey. brother monkey came through for us when the truck carrying our ashes for our ash wednesday services over turned on I-65. brother Crich we appreciate you coming through for us, and we hope we didn't scrape too hard.
30. "there will be a used dress shirt and necktie drive" In response to Reply # 0
to benefit those who are less fortunate. Brother lazyboi, you need not participate since no one else on earth can wear your custom fitted collars on your shirts
32. "we will also be holding a rogaine benefit drive this" In response to Reply # 30
weekend. we'd like to ask that brother soze not volunteer to tranport the boxes of rogaine. we like for this shipment to make it to the drive this time,as to not have a repeat of last year's happenings
45. "we'd like to honor brother burb" In response to Reply # 42 Mon Mar-17-03 11:05 AM
on his many accomplishments. brother burb has his own variety show, has held numberous telethons, and is a regular on the show "whose line is it anyway" his rendition of the tin man in the wiz was breathtaking. so in honeor of his achievments this congregations, along with budwiser the king of beers and sugarland peanut brittle co. would like to present you with this plaque.
As a testimony to the youngins, we'd also like to present Burb this certificate for outstanding service to the Lord. Over the past 28 years, Burb has managed to maintain his virginity in accordance to the word of God, holding STEADFAST to His word, forsakin the bootay. Let's all put our hands together and congratulate Burb on such a great accomplishment.
31. "The Deacon board is happy to announce" In response to Reply # 0
that thanks to a sizeable contribution by some of our brothers and sisters from Chicago, we have been able to procure a fork lift and a large dooley pick-up truck to carry Sis Anaztezia to and from choir practice so as to avoid the same accident that happened last Easter with the Sistah and the Children's Choir. Lawd, we do miss the Children's Choir.
for the next four minutes and twelve seconds, I'm gonna try real hard to give a fuck about your opinion
34. "The Mother's Board would like to" In response to Reply # 0
Reiterate to the mothers of the church...to please hush up them babies while the quiy is a-sangin and the preacha is a-preachin..
Sis. Marla and Bro. Fab are in charge of the "Get Dem Chillin Outta Here!" committee for all of the cryin babies durin these sacred times of the service. They will take the children to the day care if you cannot contain them.
39. "The Kitchen Committee" In response to Reply # 0
would like to thank ev'rybody who helped out with our annual "Send the Pastor to Jamaica" plate sale.
We made a whopping $3500 in profit. Many said that the sales increased due to the delicious brownies that were supplied by Bro. J-Sun. Thank you soo much, Bro. Sun....and do feel free place your brownie recipe in our upcoming Church Cook Book called "Bread of Heaven"
44. "Future Redman Video Dancers for Christ Coalition" In response to Reply # 0 Mon Mar-17-03 11:07 AM
Would like to extend a warm welcome to all members to join us at Old Country Buffet after this evenings service. Just a friendly reminder--no Coach bucket purses WILL be allowed at this years outing due to last years incident featuring Sista Enlightend1 and the Potato Salad.
And please dont forget to attend our dance prduction next Sunday, Jesu a Goodness.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner
47. "Aww Lawd.................." In response to Reply # 0
We would like to thank the Deacon's Board for the wonderful wine that they supplied for us in last week's communion. Although it was unfortunate that Sista RHChick started speaking boisterously after partaking, most of the congregation felt "joyful" after partaking of "the Blood"
49. "I want to remind the parents that" In response to Reply # 0
there are plenny windows available to wash on Saturdays. We encourage you to help your "cat killin" Johnnies and sassy/gettin booty behind the church" Suzies get to know the Lord by sendin'em up here to do some Godly work, Amen? You know what they say bout idle hands...Finesse has a list in the back where you can sign up.
Has received a BOUNTIFUL donation of lotion from Nivea lotion company JUST in time for the summer outing,AMEN!! Please partake as we all know the short sleeve shirts and shorts WILL be in full effect and we want our men of God looking GODLY, and God aint ashy!!! AMEN!!
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner
57. "we wish to thanks sister gambina for" In response to Reply # 0
supplying us with a church band, as our band is stranded out in chi town. sister wu was gracious enough to put us in conctact with a band that agreed to sit in, wosrhip, and make a joyful noise with us this sunday...AMEN
so now we will have a selection from our chuch band *reads card* the wu....tang....clan...amen!! *sister gambina runs up on stage*
The Singles ministry will be meeting at The Monostery in East St Louis, IL this weekend. Please contact either SkipGotSkills, CRichMonkey, or Wu-Gambina to RSVP by Thursday night at 9 pm EST. The dress code is "After-7" but not church-like or sanctimonious. Also, BurbKnight will not be allowed to create a Karoake contest for the facility doesn not have the proper equipment and we do not need to repeat the unfortunate accident of lost voices come the Sunday afternoon service..
66. "the annual shake what your momma" In response to Reply # 0
gave you picnic and contest will be held at lake etta in pavillion3.
this years prize will be a matching thong and bible set. some come on out and shake it. sister kec has been the champion for 2 years straight and hope to go for the tri fect-uh at this time.
67. "To all who donated to the OKP" In response to Reply # 0
Building fund, We are glad to announce the purchase of a new door knob last week. We want to thank Sis t510 for taking time out of her busy DJ study duties to make this purchase for the church
Anyone who wants to stay, there will be a blessing of the doorknob at 4:00 or whenever service is done.
70. "brother burb and the financial commitee would like to" In response to Reply # 0 Mon Mar-17-03 11:56 AM
announce that we are still taking donations for the building fund...please be generous. we still need to purchase the door for the doorknob that will be blessed.
_____________________________ ...les francais frisent sont belge.
here's your alternatives.... 1. reevaluate ALL existing wmd treaties and force compliance across the board. make us re-sign the treaty dubya backed out of. be held liable by the world court. etc. act like we share the planet w/ others 2. let the inspectors work. 3. insure that, in exchange for continued disarmament, the sanctions are lifted from the iraqi people. create infrastructure. 4. with a delegation of iraqi & other mideast factions, discuss alternatives to current governmental structures IN KEEPING WITH their cultural integrity and sovreignty 5. disarm israel. what's good for the goose... 6. finish what we started in afghanistan (not like i agree w/ that either, really, but...) and truly work to restabilize the country 7. give more attention to alternative energy sources. (c) me
81. "and right about now..." In response to Reply # 0 Mon Mar-17-03 12:36 PM
our OKP AME C.O.G.I.C Methodist Pentecostal Baptist Evangelical LatterDay Saints choir will be singin an A and B selection led by Sister FatBooty, director...Brother Soze
85. "this post will prolly send me to hell" In response to Reply # 0
but i'ma read it anyway
*gets comfortable*
_____________________________ ...les francais frisent sont belge.
here's your alternatives.... 1. reevaluate ALL existing wmd treaties and force compliance across the board. make us re-sign the treaty dubya backed out of. be held liable by the world court. etc. act like we share the planet w/ others 2. let the inspectors work. 3. insure that, in exchange for continued disarmament, the sanctions are lifted from the iraqi people. create infrastructure. 4. with a delegation of iraqi & other mideast factions, discuss alternatives to current governmental structures IN KEEPING WITH their cultural integrity and sovreignty 5. disarm israel. what's good for the goose... 6. finish what we started in afghanistan (not like i agree w/ that either, really, but...) and truly work to restabilize the country 7. give more attention to alternative energy sources. (c) me
the OKP Teen Choir will have a meeting of it's members to discuss bringing in guest conductor Robert Kelly, all the way from Chicago, IL, as an instructor. The meeting will be held in the Lower Fellowship Hall this coming Friday night. Please contact V.P. Afrotec for more details.
94. "As head of the Chirren's Ministry" In response to Reply # 0
I would like to congratulate the winners of last weekend's 'Get Crunk for Christ Crip Walk Contest." I would also like to remind a few parents--yall know who yall are--that yall forgot to pick up your kids from the park that Saturday and Sista Cora asks that you please, please, PLEASE come get these lil bastar--i mean angels. They keep pullin on her wig when she sleep, bless they lil hearts, and yall know Cora's tenderheaded.
Also, to the Holy Hot Girls drill team, I'm sorry, but Reverand Pastor has passed judgement and said that fishnets and miniskirts are not acceptable team outfits, even if they do got Jesus wearin a Fubu toga airbrushed on the asses.
the layzboi beauty supply mission to korea fund, i would like to announce our latest pledge drive. please support us as we are trying to sponsor a trip for layzboi to bring his sportin' waves to our brothers and sisters in korea.
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner
103. "as pastor of this wonderful flock...." In response to Reply # 0
I preach the sermon "GOD IS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD" and before I start the sermon I'd like to make the announcement that SIS WUGAMBINA'S inviting the WU-TANG CLAN to sit in was not my idea as certain members hinted at and I wasn't in back with my fists pumped rhyming along to "CLAN IN DA FRONT". And now, let us pray.....
I feel safe in white because, deep down inside, I'm an angel- me
on life: "go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn"- Charles De Mar
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a Goodness.
