So, I was invited to the DC Zoo w/my homeguh from HS, one of the few good friends I still kept in touch in with while in Alabama. After I got off work, I headed over there and there she is w/her 4 kids; 2 boys and 2 girls. The oldest son I was familiar with because I had been around when he was born, he's like 7 now. She even wanted me to be an unofficial Godparent but Muslims don't do that whole thing. She introduced me to them saying "This is my good friend from HS, Mr. Lazarus. He's been my friend since I was 16. Onassis (the eldest), he was around when you were a baby!" So the others give me their names and ages (6,4 and 3) and we roll out.

I gave you that because what happened later confused me. So, there had been a few times where her youngest, who is a 3 y/o girl, was behind everyone else, so I would grab her and walk with her, the 6 y/o daughter liked to jump around and when she would lag behind, I would do the same. At one point I was holding both her daughters' hands. About 2 hours into the zoo visit, the youngest was behind again and there was a bunch of people around so I grabbed her hand and we walked toward her mom. She would give her 6 y/o the 'Momma's looking at you messing up' face when she would play with me like her brothers were doing.

My friend stops me and says "Lazarus, I wanna tell you something. I don't want you holding my daughters' hand." I explained that she was lagging behind and that's why I did it. I was confused by it. She said "I know you're not a bad person but there are pedophiles out here and unless it's someone related to them, I don't want them holding a man's hand because they would think it's okay for any man to do that. To get comfortable around men who aren't related."

I let go and did as she wished I mean, they're HER kids, I wanted to have a deeper convo about it but that was not the place for it. After that it put a damper on things, especially when the 6 y/o wanted to hold my hand or have me catch her after jumping off a small platform like I would her brothers. It forced me to be standoffish to a kid.
Iono if this has any ties to her religion or just a HER thing.

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I get where she's coming from but I think your friend is better off teaching her girl not to hold a man's hand unless the man has been approved by her, the girls mother.

fuck you.

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--------------
Daren, I'll never forget you
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I've seen this ep before and I still laughed OUT LOUD at the end. Great clip.

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interaction w/their kids. The kids didn't seem to know either so I'm not sure if she has mentioned it to her daughters either.

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@fakewilliamkatt

"You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do!" - Olin Miller

I'm not saying she's probably just generally got terrible judgment. . .


. . .but i'm thinkin' it.

i still blame hip-hop.

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thats why i be standoffish around other ppls kids IN GENERAL now, its a whole different ball game than when were coming up

you should discuss the issue with her tho

prototype

stand ur ground, believe in urself,
believe in love, prepare urself for love, remove the negativity from ur life, and accept the love u kno u deserve

I'm looking like...."nah shawty!" lol! I'mma definitely discuss it w/her though

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with u holding the hands of one of her children she shouldnt have u around ANY of her children, male or female, this world is fucked im convinced

prototype

stand ur ground, believe in urself,
believe in love, prepare urself for love, remove the negativity from ur life, and accept the love u kno u deserve

so that's why I was thrown ALL THE WAY BACK

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the first time would just up and hold their hands so, it's not something to naturally say in advance. i would find it odd that you were holding their hands too. :-/
not sure how to approach it without it being awkward. i would probably have let you know after the fact and my kids know later on that it's not appropriate.

...
we understand you can easily come back and we're not impressed. how about getting a life first.© okpdan

they were lagging behind (including behind her which already makes me say mother is lacking a bit because my mother never let me out of her sight by being behind her) and he grabbed their hands to bring them up with the group

should he have just shoved them up next to their mom or just said ayo sis come get ur daughter she falling behind?

thats woulda i woulda done and i woulda made her look like an ass too and been loud about it on some "come on now why u letting ur young daughter be all behind u and out of ur sight"

prototype

stand ur ground, believe in urself,
believe in love, prepare urself for love, remove the negativity from ur life, and accept the love u kno u deserve

>should he have just shoved them up next to their mom or just
said ayo sis come get ur daughter she falling behind?

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Is this your first time being around her kids?

yeah, my first time around 3 of them. she's been calling me over the years talking about them on the phone, even said hello to them OVER the phone.

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she explained to her kids so it doesn't happen again and keeps an eye on them next time.

...
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by establishing that up front

prototype

stand ur ground, believe in urself,
believe in love, prepare urself for love, remove the negativity from ur life, and accept the love u kno u deserve

I think she should hold her daughters hands if she doesnt want a friend to hold them.

Thats weird IMO so it should be addressed as soon as I say hello.

behind.

...
we understand you can easily come back and we're not impressed. how about getting a life first.© okpdan

>Thats weird IMO so it should be addressed as soon as I say
>hello.

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at the zoo...lol.

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or the boys would be up front all boisterous, her or me, telling them to slow down. She behind them, me, behind her playing support just in case a kid fell behind. The girls have more restricting clothes; long skirts as opposed to the boys having shorts so they can move around faster. I don't know if the presence of another person in the party effected how they roam but I don't know how she would have done it had I not shown up.

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outting.

I get being uncomfortable about hand holding, but you would think that before she invited you out for a day at the zoo with her kids she would have vetted you enough so that this wasn't an issue, or told you upfront about her boundaries.

sounds like she hadnt seen laz in years, a public place such as the zoo with four young kids may not have been the best time to reconnect with an old friend

prototype

stand ur ground, believe in urself,
believe in love, prepare urself for love, remove the negativity from ur life, and accept the love u kno u deserve

We were all in the band, she played bass drum, her sister, snare drum, me, Alto sax. Her just moved from ATL to Baltimore and she asked her to come but she opted out.

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til the hand holding.

i'd be thrown off too.

hell when i hang out with my friends w kids and their kids i let their kids sit on my shoulders if they want. roughhouse 'em when they're actin crazy, all that stuff.

never had a friend that had an issue with things like that. can't blame the OP for being taken aback.

i still blame hip-hop.

.

Do you think it was a cultural choice or an individual?
I think it silly if you were playing and keeping all the kids together boys and girls equally but if this is a person that you haven't really seen like that since high school or 7 to 10 years I can get why she'd be a little wary because people change and she is getting reacquainted.with you after sometime. But if she feels that way why invite a man to the zoo.with your kids?
...its her kid aint much you can do about it and arguing that you should be able to hold hands with kids that aint yous will just make you look suspect, even if you're not.
Its sad the way all men are treated like potential pedos. I get why but it doesn't.allow kids to know what healthy male interaction are like. That's.a.problem.

We may not have SEEN each other in years but we have kept in constant contact over the phone, talking about her kids. I was introduced as a trustworthy person but I was treated like I wasn't. And yeah, stuff like this is why there aren't enough reference points for some people when it comes acknowledging healthy relationships with males

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>Its sad the way all men are treated like potential pedos. I
>get why but it doesn't.allow kids to know what healthy male
>interaction are like. That's.a.problem.

like i said on here before the lil kids around my way run up to me often just tryna be friendly, i basically ignore them cause i dont want NO problems, such as what laz had happen to him

prototype

stand ur ground, believe in urself,
believe in love, prepare urself for love, remove the negativity from ur life, and accept the love u kno u deserve

To help keep them walking fast enough

...
we understand you can easily come back and we're not impressed. how about getting a life first.© okpdan

I'mma just hang w/the boys, it sucks but dems the rules

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...
we understand you can easily come back and we're not impressed. how about getting a life first.© okpdan

Any kind of contact w/her daughter made her give her daughter a look of displeasure. I would swing her from my arms and she would prompt her saying her name and to stop. She ain't do that w/the boys

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sure that your children (boys and girls) understand appropriate boundaries and touching with adults.

But I think she missed the mark on this one.

Simply holding her hand to help her catch up isn't inappropriate (unless I'm missing something about how much and the way that you were holding her hand). And if she's that particular about hand holding (which is her right) then, she needs to make sure that other adults never have a legitimate reason to hold her daughters' hands (I.e. Make sure your kids don't lag behind).

That said, I will say this, as a child, I had a close family member who perhaps unbeknownst to other adults had 'pedophelic tendencies'. Until I was 14, he made very inappropriate gestures towards me. One of the many things he did was hold my hand in a very suggestive and inappropriate manner. But it was so subtle that to the casual observer, it seemed innocent. But I knew even at 6,7,8 years old that the way he was caressing my hand while it was in his was NOT the same innocent way that my dad, uncle or grandfather held my hand. So, I get where she's coming from, but it can be complicated.

but prompt your kids and the visiting party before the interaction about the rules. let's say a family member, who most of the time it is, was holding her hand inappropriately but she ain't have another man's hand, like mine, to compare it to due to her mother's rules. She has no frame of reference on what's good and not

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.

misguided or overly-emotional, to me.

That said, if that's her stance, she needs to be more diligent about making sure her kids don't fall behind her in a public place such as a zoo. Because then that sort of put pressure on you to watch out for her kids - I see that kind of thing a lot with people with their kids out in public and it annoys me.

when the time comes that she gets a man she wants to be romantically linked with and time around the kids are spent, what then? do you tell that man that when he's potentially going to be in a father's role? he ain't family but you want a bond w/the children

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meaningful role in these kids' lives and that's why she's willing to enforce this rule on you? Which obviously wouldn't be the case with a future husband.

I know it's not fun to be told that you're not allowed to interact with someone's kids in a certain way. It can feel lie you're being lumped in with all the bad people out there. I feel that too. But I get why she's doing it.

Yes her kids


>That said, if that's her stance, she needs to be more diligent
>about making sure her kids don't fall behind her in a public
>place such as a zoo. Because then that sort of put pressure
>on you to watch out for her kids - I see that kind of thing a
>lot with people with their kids out in public and it annoys
>me.

Annoys the crap out if me
She needs to keep a better eye on her kids and be the one to lag behind with them
Not that hard to establish that upfront
Why she wandering off ahead if she feels this way
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

ask a grown ass man on a play date to the zoo with your 4 kids in the first place?

________________________________________
"Take the surprise out your voice Shaq."-The REAL CP3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2H5K-BUMS0

that she's excited about being back in the area, that's the only way she could see me, iono.

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probably not too bright anyway.

Stay away, keep in contact with her on social media and don't 'like' any pics of her kids, lol.

________________________________________
"Take the surprise out your voice Shaq."-The REAL CP3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2H5K-BUMS0

Furious Styles: https://blacknative.bandcamp.com/album/furious-styles

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the day, the more I was like hol'up why she even ask him out to play co-chaperone if she was that uncomfortable with him interacting with her kids.

the way they do their daughters.
her sons could just as easily fall victim to a pedophile.
especially if theyre not getting the same message that they shouldnt be comfy around just any adult.
she should not have invited you.

www.royallegacy.org
http://therapfest.com/up-next-artists/

prototype

stand ur ground, believe in urself,
believe in love, prepare urself for love, remove the negativity from ur life, and accept the love u kno u deserve

________________________________________
"Take the surprise out your voice Shaq."-The REAL CP3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2H5K-BUMS0

Furious Styles: https://blacknative.bandcamp.com/album/furious-styles

Black Confederate on iTunes:
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Video to Black Confederate: http://youtu.be/jbpAQ4qzkqY

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.

i meant to say this earlier

women can be predators as well
so her rule about them not being comfortable with 'strange men'
makes me wonder if she's the same way with women
(if she is, cool. i understand but i strongly believe she should extend the same protection to her sons if that's the case.)

www.royallegacy.org
http://therapfest.com/up-next-artists/

Now, it could be that because it was about the girls at that moment that she ain't feel it pertinent to mention the boys but I think it's a one-sided thing, i could be wrong tho

Furious Styles: https://blacknative.bandcamp.com/album/furious-styles

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It's a damn shame
~~~~
When you are born, you cry, and the world rejoices. Live so that when you die, you rejoice, and the world cries.
~~~~
You cannot hate people for their own good.

>the way they do their daughters.
>her sons could just as easily fall victim to a pedophile.
>especially if theyre not getting the same message that they
>shouldnt be comfy around just any adult.
>she should not have invited you.


cause ALL OF THIS.

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So it's you friend who is the Muslim and not you? Cuz that's kinda confusing from the original post.

If that is the case I see everything she did as totally rational, with the exception of a 3 year old walking at the DC zoo, she probably should have been in a stroller or one of those carts the rent.

It's difficult to keep up with one kid there, let alone 4 kids. In Islam there's a separation between the sexes, her explanation may have just been her clumsy way of explaining that.

That's not an easy cultural norm to teach (or learn) in a society that's not built on it. She wanted to introduce you as a friend of the family but not a touchy-touchy friend. The lesson for the boys and the girls is a different one. I would chalk the awkwardness of it all up to her inexperience cuz it seems like a few things went wrong here.

The fact that she's divorced isn't lost on me cuz hanging out with you at all is kinda suspect. With that in mind it totally makes sense that she chose to meet you in public spaces with the kids.












>So, I was invited to the DC Zoo w/my homeguh from HS, one of
>the few good friends I still kept in touch in with while in
>Alabama. After I got off work, I headed over there and there
>she is w/her 4 kids; 2 boys and 2 girls. The oldest son I was
>familiar with because I had been around when he was born, he's
>like 7 now. She even wanted me to be an unofficial Godparent
>but Muslims don't do that whole thing. She introduced me to
>them saying "This is my good friend from HS, Mr. Lazarus. He's
>been my friend since I was 16. Onassis (the eldest), he was
>around when you were a baby!" So the others give me their
>names and ages (6,4 and 3) and we roll out.
>
>I gave you that because what happened later confused me. So,
>there had been a few times where her youngest, who is a 3 y/o
>girl, was behind everyone else, so I would grab her and walk
>with her, the 6 y/o daughter liked to jump around and when she
>would lag behind, I would do the same. At one point I was
>holding both her daughters' hands. About 2 hours into the zoo
>visit, the youngest was behind again and there was a bunch of
>people around so I grabbed her hand and we walked toward her
>mom. She would give her 6 y/o the 'Momma's looking at you
>messing up' face when she would play with me like her brothers
>were doing.
>
>My friend stops me and says "Lazarus, I wanna tell you
>something. I don't want you holding my daughters' hand." I
>explained that she was lagging behind and that's why I did it.
>I was confused by it. She said "I know you're not a bad person
>but there are pedophiles out here and unless it's someone
>related to them, I don't want them holding a man's hand
>because they would think it's okay for any man to do that. To
>get comfortable around men who aren't related."
>
>I let go and did as she wished I mean, they're HER kids, I
>wanted to have a deeper convo about it but that was not the
>place for it. After that it put a damper on things, especially
>when the 6 y/o wanted to hold my hand or have me catch her
>after jumping off a small platform like I would her brothers.
>It forced me to be standoffish to a kid.
>Iono if this has any ties to her religion or just a HER
>thing.