i've decided that the next commitment i make will be one leading to marriage and/or a long-term bonding of some kind.

i trust respect. i trust non-romantic love, friendship, and admiration. i trust like.

all the things that take time.

i don't, however, trust being "in love". not anymore.

i may well be the woman of your dreams, but that doesn't mean you have the foggiest idea of what to do with me.

now, having encountered that situation one too many times, i've realized i tend to fall for potential, not necessarily the here and now. i have a knack for seeing the actualized man long before he's done the work to see it himself.

i think many women have this tendency. it's why we stick with you guys so long thru so many things. it's part of our role as mothers. we're meant to know these things.

but ladies, please, take your time, explore the possibilities. watch what he does, not what he says. love yourself, learn yourself. the only shame in being single (notice i don't say "alone"...that's a fallacy) is the shame you make of it.

fellas: grow. don't buy into all the bullshit of what a man is or isn't. 'cause you might find out that none of it applies to you. love you. be who you are, not who you think will get u the most ass. 'cause most of that ass ain't worth the hassle anyway.

that's all.

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

now, having encountered that situation one too many times, i've realized i tend to fall for potential, not necessarily the here and now. i have a knack for seeing the actualized man long before he's done the work to see it himself.

i think many women have this tendency. it's why we stick with you guys so long thru so many things. it's part of our role as mothers. we're meant to know these things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

but what saddens me is when they make excuses for not realizing.......

You want it one way, when it's the other (c) Marlo Stansfield

~G.D.

get outta my reply

You want it one way, when it's the other (c) Marlo Stansfield

who sit thru heartbreak after heartbreak because they know that somewhere down in there is a "good woman"?

i mean, i've known of a couple, but i've known a hell of a lot more women in that situation. and, overall, we suffer more for it (kids, std's, abuse, etc.).

lol...i know you hate these kinds of posts, but if they don't apply to you, they don't apply.

but they apply to MANY of your brethren. even the "good" ones. like it or not.


~~~~
"Terrorism is only the privatization of war. Terrorists are the free marketeers of war. They believe that the legitimate use of violence is not the sole prerogative of the state." ~Arundhati Roy

strivin for self-determination since 1978

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

and i'll just love you until you change one day.

~G.D.

there are reasons this shit ain't easy.

and it's not 'cause men & women are from different planets.

your & remy's responses to these things suggest that you, like me, avoided seeing a lot of the dysfunction that many count as perfectly normal.

but it's out there. and it affects folks. deeply. and, like i just said to remy, i avoided a LOT. but not everything.

that can't be ignored.

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

The definition: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

=====================
"as interested in helping the "people" as i am i'll probably end up making slaves out of most of you and your children soon (whether financially, physically, of through social conditioning that i plan on instituting). my disgust with the mediocrity and outright pitiful nature of what i see around me everyday is making me think like an oppressor. oh well... i figure if all the shit cats talk about is real, they'll be able to withstand *shrugs*.
i now see see people as sheep. and i'm the slaughterer." - Utamaroho

======
FLASH!!

same flava though

-----------------------------

"I'm not about building intimate connections based on fear and defensiveness" - Shimmy

"Even with my strap-on I got more balls than you." - Shimmy

we're talking about relationships. things that are based, by definition almost, on patterns.

i think that in this aspect of your life, what you grew up with, what you internalized manifests itself more than any other.

it's not so easy to just say "do something different" when dealing in affairs of the heart.

if you automatically unlearned all the jacked up things (or never had that exposure in the first place), more power to you. i know i've escaped many a pitfall myself.

but there were quite a few i didn't.

~~~~
"Terrorism is only the privatization of war. Terrorists are the free marketeers of war. They believe that the legitimate use of violence is not the sole prerogative of the state." ~Arundhati Roy

strivin for self-determination since 1978

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

if ure in a patter/rut and u havent figured out what part u play in it, i dont think ure as accountable.

but if ur ass knows: i tend to date people who r unreachable and abusive and u stay in a relationship with an unreachable/abusive person...then its *ur* fault shits jacked up.

-----------------------------

"I'm not about building intimate connections based on fear and defensiveness" - Shimmy

"Even with my strap-on I got more balls than you." - Shimmy

>if ure in a patter/rut and u havent figured out what part u
>play in it, i dont think ure as accountable.
>
>but if ur ass knows: i tend to date people who r
>unreachable and abusive and u stay in a relationship with an
>unreachable/abusive person...then its *ur* fault shits
>jacked up.

but i suppose my thing is, if "unreachable and abusive" looks normal to you, how do you adjust your vision? if that's all you *know*, how do you come to the realization that there's an alternative? (not my personal experience, i'm just asking)

with me, the patterns have been very subtle, and not *that* glaringly problematic. it took me some time to really see them for what they were.



~~~~
"Terrorism is only the privatization of war. Terrorists are the free marketeers of war. They believe that the legitimate use of violence is not the sole prerogative of the state." ~Arundhati Roy

strivin for self-determination since 1978

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

theres a fine line, though. because if what uve grown seeing is "dysfunctional" u might not know that there's anything wrong at all.

i think im talking about even marginal awareness here. ill use myself as an example: my parents were a mess. id say prolly from jump they weren't "supposed" to be together. add w/that the fact that neither of them was willing to see what kind of garbage they brought into the relationship, though they were both very willing to point fingers. Now, those fools lived together in misery for 31 years and 1 day…they had three kids. My brother, sister and I carry a whole host of “issues” from growing up the way we did. In my opinion I’m the only one facing up to them. All of us are “functioning” and from the outside are “normal”…

I don’t know when I came to the realization that I played a part in the things that were “wrong” in my relationships – though my realization about the active role I play contines to grow. I just know at some point I decided that I wasn’t going to have the type of dysfunction I was used to. That was where I started. And now I just continue to try to get new relationship tools and to learn how to use them.

>but i suppose my thing is, if "unreachable and abusive"
>looks normal to you, how do you adjust your vision? if
>that's all you *know*, how do you come to the realization
>that there's an alternative? (not my personal experience,
>i'm just asking)
>
>with me, the patterns have been very subtle, and not *that*
>glaringly problematic. it took me some time to really see
>them for what they were.
>
>
>
>~~~~
>"Terrorism is only the privatization of war. Terrorists are
>the free marketeers of war. They believe that the legitimate
>use of violence is not the sole prerogative of the state."
>~Arundhati Roy
>
>strivin for self-determination since 1978

-----------------------------

"I'm not about building intimate connections based on fear and defensiveness" - Shimmy

"Even with my strap-on I got more balls than you." - Shimmy

...and it turns out negatively the MAJORITY of the time and you still do it, that's even worse.

Once you see there's a problem with your choices, rectify it.

======
FLASH!!

i'm just saying that out of all aspects of life, save parenting, i think this is one of the most difficult to do that with.

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

I still feel you.

Even Knowitalls have to get their information from somewhere!

I'm just collecting MySpace pages:

http://www.myspace.com/t3

My artists: http://www.myspace.com/psampcarmen

Me:
http://profile.myspace.com/users/5299349

*Football, beer, and naked b*tches!*
Monday Night Football @ CityScape NY (starting next Monday) :

-$1 Burgers
-$4 Coors Lite
-$4 All Appetizers
-2 for 1 table dances at halftime
-Free Raffle for Super Bowl Tickets

What's better than this!?!?!?

CityScape NY
2700 Queens Plaza South
Long Island City, NY

E,V,G,N,R,W, or 7 trains to Queens Plaza

718.786.8390 for more info.

I know ya'll n*ggas is cheap. So why not travel cheap?!?!: www.1800cheapseats.com

BLUNTWRAPS are back!
http://www.bluntwrap.com/

www.Twitter.com/KRoseL

_____________________________
purrr

_______________________________________
U make me feel like cookies, yo. (c)DeePhunk

i'm interested.

~~~~
"Terrorism is only the privatization of war. Terrorists are the free marketeers of war. They believe that the legitimate use of violence is not the sole prerogative of the state." ~Arundhati Roy

strivin for self-determination since 1978

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

___________________________________________________
jetblack y'all...
okayplayer = music/movie/multimedia snob, period.

charnsuka.

____
GO GO AMIGO.

http://jtblq.deviantart.com/gallery
http://jtblq.deviantart.com/store
http://jtblq.deviantart.com/

friendships have more built-in flexibility than romantic relationships have.

no one has unrealistic expectations for their friends; everyone has them when they're smitten with The New Ass.

~G.D.

but i suppose everyone comes to a point where they say, ok, am i going to *continue* to see things this way, or am i going to shift the paradigm?

i don't necessarily believe that you *have* to be friends first any more than i believe love at first sight (on some level) is an impossibility.

i suppose another way of saying this is that it's a good idea to start off the relationship in whatever way is going to keep the other person honest. for most men, it seems like the dating/friendship level is where they are the "realest".

and that's cool.

but a woman knowing that freaks 'em out.

~~~~
"Terrorism is only the privatization of war. Terrorists are the free marketeers of war. They believe that the legitimate use of violence is not the sole prerogative of the state." ~Arundhati Roy

strivin for self-determination since 1978

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

It's because the acceptance and understanding is there in that situation.

But both men and women are impatient and want to get to the sexual business before time...you ain't accepting much fromsomeone you're in that kind of involvement with. You want them to change and change yesterday.

...with who? THA DOODOOMAN!!!
www.homestarrunner.com/vcr_poop.html

kill all whites today & we'll still be f'd up. we fight over BS political ideas & ethnic allegiances but scared to defend resources of our own land. the only savior is self--thegodcam

.

but i made a post here a few weeks back laying out the reasons why i believe being in love is bullshit.

love is not beyond anyone's control. it's something that requires effort. nurturin growth. that's love.

there's a woman right now i love, but i can't commit myself to her just yet because i know that i ain't the best thing for her at this time.

« word. »

« Slick Rick the Ruler in the Land of the Blind »

>there's a woman right now i love, but i can't commit myself
>to her just yet because i know that i ain't the best thing
>for her at this time.

just acknowledging that reveals a self-knowledge that a lot of people struggle with.

it seems like guys get on the whole, "i'm the MAN...i need to lock this down" tip only to realize a couple of months/years down the line, "shit. i ain't ready."

then everything's fucked.


~~~~
"Terrorism is only the privatization of war. Terrorists are the free marketeers of war. They believe that the legitimate use of violence is not the sole prerogative of the state." ~Arundhati Roy

strivin for self-determination since 1978

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

for her. Or do you think that you will never be the best thing for her and hope she just decides to move on one day and you can remain friends?

Even Knowitalls have to get their information from somewhere!

I'm just collecting MySpace pages:

http://www.myspace.com/t3

My artists: http://www.myspace.com/psampcarmen

Me:
http://profile.myspace.com/users/5299349

*Football, beer, and naked b*tches!*
Monday Night Football @ CityScape NY (starting next Monday) :

-$1 Burgers
-$4 Coors Lite
-$4 All Appetizers
-2 for 1 table dances at halftime
-Free Raffle for Super Bowl Tickets

What's better than this!?!?!?

CityScape NY
2700 Queens Plaza South
Long Island City, NY

E,V,G,N,R,W, or 7 trains to Queens Plaza

718.786.8390 for more info.

I know ya'll n*ggas is cheap. So why not travel cheap?!?!: www.1800cheapseats.com

BLUNTWRAPS are back!
http://www.bluntwrap.com/

www.Twitter.com/KRoseL

which would make me the best i could be for her.

if she has moved on by that time, what can i say? that's the way love goes. if she still around, dope.

« word. »

« Slick Rick the Ruler in the Land of the Blind »

to what I'm going through. Now I can respect his way of thinking even more. Thank you.

Even Knowitalls have to get their information from somewhere!

I'm just collecting MySpace pages:

http://www.myspace.com/t3

My artists: http://www.myspace.com/psampcarmen

Me:
http://profile.myspace.com/users/5299349

*Football, beer, and naked b*tches!*
Monday Night Football @ CityScape NY (starting next Monday) :

-$1 Burgers
-$4 Coors Lite
-$4 All Appetizers
-2 for 1 table dances at halftime
-Free Raffle for Super Bowl Tickets

What's better than this!?!?!?

CityScape NY
2700 Queens Plaza South
Long Island City, NY

E,V,G,N,R,W, or 7 trains to Queens Plaza

718.786.8390 for more info.

I know ya'll n*ggas is cheap. So why not travel cheap?!?!: www.1800cheapseats.com

BLUNTWRAPS are back!
http://www.bluntwrap.com/

www.Twitter.com/KRoseL

though, most likely, she will move on...but you loving her selflessly has probably saved her from a lot of heartbreak...i'm sure there's more to the story though...

[]

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

"there's a woman right now i love, but i can't commit myself to her just yet because i know that i ain't the best thing for her at this time."

is exactly what I am going through right now.

-T
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"rick ross got old african woman swag" (c)nayaa

<------- elegant


::: crooked eye glance :::
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE RED LIST*:
Big Mell
sometimes THEY know whats best for some of US. cause some of US aint
doing right compared to our counter parts (THEY = WHITE FOLKS)

janus
Is there any wonder why I hang out with mostly white or hispanic folks?
they arent as judgemental and dont have as many sexual hangups as black folk.

suave_bro
u know these muthafuckas are quick to run up on a black woman to ask her
to do some shit like this, because they know a black woman would be quick
to say yes to some shit like this...

MeDiNaStaR
"have you ever been to niggerland?" cuze,i'm wondering if a visa is required.

Juxtarose (you know what i like about white guys?" they don't think having
a house, job and a car and no criminal record means they really have some
thing going on...)

* read up on IDA B. WELLS
******************************************************
OKP SLANG TRANSLATOR:

VMP = VALIDATE ME,PLEASE = an attempt to make an inflammatory,
attention grabbing post just to get props

:0)~ = UNCLE CLIMAX = LAME ATTEMPT TO HOLLAH

SECURING = LAME ATTEMPT TO HOLLA TRHOUGH FALSE FLATTERY

MANDATE = INSTITUTED BY K_ORR, STIPULATING THAT ANYBODY DISPUTING
THE LOOKS OF A GENERALLY AGREED UPON HOTTIE MUST SUPPLY
PICTORAL COUNTERARGUMENT

INCOMGIN = PREDICTION THAT AT SOME LATER POINT IN THE THREAD,
SOMEBODY WILL DROP HATE BOMBS
******************************************************
** = all statements made about the physical traits of females are based
on Torez as a Single man not the CURRENT married Torez

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The man of faith who has never experienced doubt is not a man of faith

and everybody needs to grow.

*sigh*

don't go gettin all defensive.

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

I made that mistake with my first husband...thinking love was all that mattered, and looking at who he could be instead of who he really was at that time. But heartbreak and pain aside, it was a learning experience, and just a bump on the road to where I needed to be.
___________________________



January Sexy Bitch of the Month:

Full Name: Rose Jane McGowan
Birth Date: September 5, 1973
Birth Place: Florence, Italy
Height: 5'5"
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: brunette
Measurements: 36C
Occupation: model, actress, former cult member
Resume: The Doom Generation, Jawbreaker, Charmed

Why She's a Sexy Bitch:

Oh where to start with Rose...she reminds me of a porcelain doll, if porcelain dolls went goth. She's a sexy bitch for so many reasons...she's gorgeous, talented, escaped the Children of God cult, and dated Marilyn Manson...oh, and there's that non-dress she wore to that MTV awards show. Besides, on a sexy bitch could say things like this:
"When I lived in Europe, I was usually pretty exalted for the way I looked. I had minions who would run and get me candy..."
__________________

"I was tired of my body. I found it ridiculous that my breasts and stomach should still be the same as they were when I was 18 and even though I had lived and changed, my body had not. I realized that my breasts were not just made to fill evening gowns, that is was time for them to fulfill their destiny." - pregnant Monica Bellucci

"I spent $22 on a hamburger once. It was pretty good..." - Gina Gershon

i've never gotten *that* far (not even the kid level), but my heart had to take some hard knocks before i got it.

you can never be 100% sure, but i think you can definitely get up to 90-95%. ha.


~~~~
"Terrorism is only the privatization of war. Terrorists are the free marketeers of war. They believe that the legitimate use of violence is not the sole prerogative of the state." ~Arundhati Roy

strivin for self-determination since 1978

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

but i agree totally with what you just spewed...

thanks~





==============


.

and i fully agree. its not a good thing or a bad thing, just a compatibility thing.

seeing whats happened with my parents, i've really gotten big on the compatibility issue. no everyone is for everybody. and sure trying to make it work, is an option, but there are some senarios where its better to seperate on some no hard feelings type of thing.

which is why you can't fall blindly in love. it may be great, but you better keep your eyes open and know what the hell is going on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DC Live: RE in the '05

aye, yo whattup sweetheart.

i know you ain't never seen
a nigga as big as me look so
damn smooth...look so sweet
out here on the dancefloor.
i put my thing down, nahmsayin'.
big niggas need love too.



DROkayPlayer™ 2004: Fuckin condensend me maaaaan...i'll fuckin kill ya.

y.e.a.yea....you can get it.

---------------------------------------
it's true what they say...people are strange, when you're strangers.

not compassionate....only polite.

I am not like you at all and i cannot pretend.

but i'll go, "well, it might work" or "i just know he could be the greatest thing if...".

still, i can almost always see the end coming. but i hang on anyway.

but i get caught up, scared i'll hurt him or thinking he deserves a chance...

i have to learn selfishness.

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

im still workin with that
*poof*


www.nonameko.net
www.loudminoritymusic.com
www.loosie.com
"Im big pimpin nigga, even on
a shoestring budget...."-
Supastition

so i'm convinced that i'm not being "selfish" or "distant" or whatever....

again, never in an abusive situation. just times where i knew things just weren't meant to be.

it comes from some deeply rooted fears and behaviors...some of which i didn't know still affected me this way.

but, knowing's half the battle, right?

~~~~
"Terrorism is only the privatization of war. Terrorists are the free marketeers of war. They believe that the legitimate use of violence is not the sole prerogative of the state." ~Arundhati Roy

strivin for self-determination since 1978

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

love is jive in the '05

________________________________________
who gonna check me boo?!

www.twitter.com/firefire100
http://instagram.com/firefire100
www.philadelphiaeagles.com

but ladies, please, take your time, explore the possibilities. watch what he does, not what he says...
one of my many mottos dealing with men is actions speaks louder than words. stuff is always good in the 1st couple months of knowing (which is when u should be payin the closest attention, none of that test ish neither)watch what occurs when bumps in the road (ur so-called life) pops up..where is he at, is he being supportive or are u just gettin his voicemail..

..

It’s funny you mention potential. I think, perhaps that looking for potential isn’t necessarily a bad thing, if you look for it in the right ways. Cause potential without action (which you mention) is what causes problems. Nothing wrong with a diamond in the rough, as long as the right person is willing to cut it…

This whole thing about being whole and grown in your own right… Why didn’t folks tell us this? I can recall countless conversations with people in my life, but very very few about having my own shit together. About how well you treat yourself being mirrored in how well the world treats you. Hell, I’m 35 and that’s something I have to remind myself about everyday.

And this dream (wo)man…who the hell is that? I tell you what © Hank Hill, the man I dreamt about in my girlish fantasies doesn’t hold a candle to who I’m with. Mind you, he always knows the right things to say, is romantic as hell, has the sex drive of an 18-year-old coupled with the maturity of a man, cooks likes a chef and thinks the sun shines outta my ass… Wait, what was I saying? Oh, yeah, this man of my dreams. He looks good on paper, but his ass doesn’t challenge me, he doesn’t inspire me, he doesn’t revel in the fact that the hard work I do on me and on us makes me grow…

I think we all fall prey to the fantasy at some point. The real deal, imo? Is that we don’t grow our love in respect, friendship and admiration. We get all caught up in falling in love and don’t realize our asses are falling!

-----------------------------

"I'm not about building intimate connections based on fear and defensiveness" - Shimmy

"Even with my strap-on I got more balls than you." - Shimmy

>It’s funny you mention potential. I think, perhaps that
>looking for potential isn’t necessarily a bad thing, if you
>look for it in the right ways. Cause potential without
>action (which you mention) is what causes problems. Nothing
>wrong with a diamond in the rough, as long as the right
>person is willing to cut it…

true.

at the end of the day, i'm learning i'm willing to love, but i'm not quite as willing to *teach*. there are certain things you have to come with.

>This whole thing about being whole and grown in your own
>right… Why didn’t folks tell us this? I can recall
>countless conversations with people in my life, but very
>very few about having my own shit together. About how well
>you treat yourself being mirrored in how well the world
>treats you. Hell, I’m 35 and that’s something I have to
>remind myself about everyday.

i was always told this...not necessarily directly, but it's something that comes naturally to me. my mother always tells me that her & my dad were determined not to raise us with their hangups.

i'm an oddball because i am--for the most part--a whole, functional human being who understands unconditional love. i hate to say it like that because it sounds arrogant, but as years go by i see just how unusual that is. and how scarred folks are.

my parents have those scars, but i don't. sometimes i wonder if i'm attracted to those injuries in others because i could always see the not-so-happy times behind my parents' smiles? maybe i want to "fix" them because i couldn't fix their inner children? i don't know.

it's amazing what you pass on, despite your best efforts.

>And this dream (wo)man…who the hell is that? I tell you
>what © Hank Hill, the man I dreamt about in my girlish
>fantasies doesn’t hold a candle to who I’m with. Mind you,
>he always knows the right things to say, is romantic as
>hell, has the sex drive of an 18-year-old coupled with the
>maturity of a man, cooks likes a chef and thinks the sun
>shines outta my ass… Wait, what was I saying? Oh, yeah,
>this man of my dreams. He looks good on paper, but his ass
>doesn’t challenge me, he doesn’t inspire me, he doesn’t
>revel in the fact that the hard work I do on me and on us
>makes me grow…

understood.
i can't remember ever really having a "man of my dreams"...it was more like, i'd dream about who was coming up next...

>I think we all fall prey to the fantasy at some point. The
>real deal, imo? Is that we don’t grow our love in respect,
>friendship and admiration. We get all caught up in falling
>in love and don’t realize our asses are falling!

amen.

with me, it's always been about not hurting his feelings. about missing out on an "opportunity" if i didn't commit to him. like, it could work out, right?

like i said to seth, i really need to learn selfishness. i'm really good at picking up on others' feelings for me, and sometimes i get caught up in that before i think about what's really in my best interests.

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

>at the end of the day, i'm learning i'm willing to love, but
>i'm not quite as willing to *teach*. there are certain
>things you have to come with.

dont u teach, though, by doing? if u come into a situation able to do something that ur partner isnt, dont u become a teacher of sorts? now, what makes them ur student (or vice versa) is a willingness to learn... its the unwilling students that drain us.


>i'm an oddball because i am--for the most part--a whole,
>functional human being who understands unconditional love. i
>hate to say it like that because it sounds arrogant, but as
>years go by i see just how unusual that is. and how scarred
>folks are.

so, u understand love and turn from it?

>
>my parents have those scars, but i don't. sometimes i wonder
>if i'm attracted to those injuries in others because i could
>always see the not-so-happy times behind my parents' smiles?
>maybe i want to "fix" them because i couldn't fix their
>inner children? i don't know.

: isnt trying to fix someone elses shit a great way to not look at what uve got thats broken?

>with me, it's always been about not hurting his feelings.
>about missing out on an "opportunity" if i didn't commit to
>him. like, it could work out, right?

i think almost any relationship *can* work, but only if both people r willing to work on it.

>like i said to seth, i really need to learn selfishness.

im playing the semantics game...i like to call it self-love...

-----------------------------

"I'm not about building intimate connections based on fear and defensiveness" - Shimmy

"Even with my strap-on I got more balls than you." - Shimmy

>>at the end of the day, i'm learning i'm willing to love, but
>>i'm not quite as willing to *teach*. there are certain
>>things you have to come with.
>
>dont u teach, though, by doing? if u come into a situation
>able to do something that ur partner isnt, dont u become a
>teacher of sorts? now, what makes them ur student (or vice
>versa) is a willingness to learn... its the unwilling
>students that drain us.

true. i suppose i'm so sick of being in that position i've become disillusioned by it. even while i understand the lessons in the things that haven't worked and i've grown each time.

on a spiritual level, i'm grateful for the experience/knowledge.

but basically i'm just ready for someone who can teach *me* something. like, impress me, dammit. lol. i'm usually doing the impressing.


>>i'm an oddball because i am--for the most part--a whole,
>>functional human being who understands unconditional love. i
>>hate to say it like that because it sounds arrogant, but as
>>years go by i see just how unusual that is. and how scarred
>>folks are.
>
>so, u understand love and turn from it?

more like i get a lot of things that other people don't because i grew up in what is now considered an unusual situation.

2 parents
not rich, but far from broke
shielded from major issues in the extended fam. home was cool.
encouraged to ask questions, learn, be myself...

i mean, i can remember getting one spanking my entire life, and not 'cause my parents didn't believe in it. my brother caught it all the time...lol. i suppose my unique-ness fueled my parents' treatment of me and vice versa.

i just don't have a lot of the "usual" blk girl issues.

i understand love, so that makes it more difficult to impress me. like, if you're going to really catch me, you have to at least match the love i already know.

maybe that's asking too much?

>>my parents have those scars, but i don't. sometimes i wonder
>>if i'm attracted to those injuries in others because i could
>>always see the not-so-happy times behind my parents' smiles?
>>maybe i want to "fix" them because i couldn't fix their
>>inner children? i don't know.
>
>:
>isnt trying to fix someone elses shit a great way to not
>look at what uve got thats broken?

oh most definitely. i think this was a big thing when i was younger. not so much now.


>>with me, it's always been about not hurting his feelings.
>>about missing out on an "opportunity" if i didn't commit to
>>him. like, it could work out, right?
>
>i think almost any relationship *can* work, but only if both
>people r willing to work on it.
>
>>like i said to seth, i really need to learn selfishness.
>
>im playing the semantics game...i like to call it
>self-love...

hmmm...i think i know what you mean.

selfish is such a 4-letter word to me...it's been really difficult drawing those lines.

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

>true. i suppose i'm so sick of being in that position i've
>become disillusioned by it. even while i understand the
>lessons in the things that haven't worked and i've grown
>each time.
>
>on a spiritual level, i'm grateful for the >experience/knowledge.
>
>but basically i'm just ready for someone who can teach *me*
>something. like, impress me, dammit. lol. i'm usually doing
>the impressing.

for me, the point of being tired of something is also the point when i just need to rest. ive found that i dont spend enough time still or enough time asking to be filled with what i need. that might be the point for u...to ask for exactly what u want and then to listen for the answer. sometimes, though, the answer isnt exactly what u thought it would be.

>i understand love, so that makes it more difficult to
>impress me. like, if you're going to really catch me, you
>have to at least match the love i already know.
>
>maybe that's asking too much?

i dunno if that's asking to much. but, is there room in that equation for someone to learn to match what u already know? hell, we all come into relationships w/work to do.

>hmmm...i think i know what you mean.
>
>selfish is such a 4-letter word to me...it's been really
>difficult drawing those lines.

drawing lines is hard work...

-----------------------------

"I'm not about building intimate connections based on fear and defensiveness" - Shimmy

"Even with my strap-on I got more balls than you." - Shimmy

>for me, the point of being tired of something is also the
>point when i just need to rest. ive found that i dont spend
>enough time still or enough time asking to be filled with
>what i need. that might be the point for u...to ask for
>exactly what u want and then to listen for the answer.
>sometimes, though, the answer isnt exactly what u thought it
>would be.

about that...

i think in the earlier part of my life, the "answer" was relationships.

but now i'm thinking that i may just need my freedom. if i'm tied down, that will hamper me in other ways. that was part of coming to terms with the end of my most recent relationship.


>>i understand love, so that makes it more difficult to
>>impress me. like, if you're going to really catch me, you
>>have to at least match the love i already know.
>>
>>maybe that's asking too much?
>
>i dunno if that's asking to much. but, is there room in
>that equation for someone to learn to match what u already
>know? hell, we all come into relationships w/work to do.

definitely. i'm easy, really i am. lol.

i was trying to put things into context rather than sound rigid. once i love someone, i'll fight til the end trying to get on their level or vice versa.


>>hmmm...i think i know what you mean.
>>
>>selfish is such a 4-letter word to me...it's been really
>>difficult drawing those lines.
>
>drawing lines is hard work...

true indeed.


~~~~
"Terrorism is only the privatization of war. Terrorists are the free marketeers of war. They believe that the legitimate use of violence is not the sole prerogative of the state." ~Arundhati Roy

strivin for self-determination since 1978

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

I appreciate this post.
I was was friends with husband for 5 years (strictly friends not that friends with benefits stuff) then that line got crossed at the 6 year mark.

Its much easier to cross that line when you know that person well instead of letting the infatuation butterflies in your stomach feeling cloud your judgement. Don't get me wrong, I am still learning things about him everyday and vice versa but there are no squabbles about little stuff (like picking draws up off the floor).

**********************************************************
On DROkayplayer™ sabbatical for approximately 635 days.

*****************************************
. . . If I have something to say when there is a reason involved, I am perfectly willing to talk. Katherine Hepburn

that is so easily forgotten.

but what's wrong w/ benefit-havin friends?


lmao...j/k

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

well for me at least
it didnt make sense to continue to spend long amounts of time with people who I didnt plan to marry
I'm sure that has nothing to do with this post
but that's what the title made me think

-----------------------------------
we aint the two and i aint the one- lyte

ppl dont hear u bons..

..

-----------------------------------
we aint the two and i aint the one- lyte

and the ladies advice is as good for chicks as it is for dudes and the same for the mens advice

-----------------------------------
we aint the two and i aint the one- lyte

gotta know ur audience.

*grin*

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

and i look to be that way for quite sometime ..
ain't a soul trynna settle down with a wannabe reformed playboy who's about to hit 30 and has old scars.

i'll get a dog.

http://myspace.com/napmusic82
http://myspace.com/trackademicks
http://www.myspace.com/chegrand
http://myspace.com/tanyamorgan
http://www.myspace.com/jdavey
http://www.myspace.com/specboogie

isn't that love?

but there is nothing wrong with being odd. i mean you arent inkast or adwhizz odd. - VABestBBW
Binlahab is a bitch.
I wouldn't trust okp, some of them don't even get any anymore since the Re's stopped - Anonymous OKP

I realized that 3 years ago

**********************************************

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
- Bernard Bailey

that should save you some time/effort.

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

**********************************************

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
- Bernard Bailey

>i may well be the woman of your dreams, but that doesn't
>mean you have the foggiest idea of what to do with me.

This'll be good.

one
k. orr

http://breddanansi.tumblr.com/

so you can blast away.

the guys i've dated would tell you i'm a damn good catch.

but all the love in the world couldn't make them ready. and god knows i tried.

that's all i'm saying.

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

What are they supposed to do with you?

I've heard this more than once.
"You wouldn't even know what to do with me"
"You couldn't handle this"
"He didn't know what to do with me"

What's a cat supposed to do?

http://breddanansi.tumblr.com/

understand that i don't need a father (BIG one)

support me emotionally and spiritually. be present. financial security is nice, but not necessary. we can always work on that later. and i'll be ok that way with or without you. your manhood can't be tied up in that.

know yourself.
know love.

if you've recognized the need to spend some time in therapy, hopefully you've done so.

shit like that.

...mostly it seems that being with me reveals the fact that they aren't quite where they want to be. but of course by then everyone's all attached...

it's more like clicking on a flashlight vs. "i'm the shit!"...if that makes sense.

~~~~
http://omidele.blogspot.com/
http://rahareiki.tumblr.com/
http://seatofbliss.blogspot.com/

some nigga prolly told her that...persued her, and then ran the fuck away like a scared lil bitch......shit has happened to every coo woman ive known......
*poof*


www.nonameko.net
www.loudminoritymusic.com
www.loosie.com
"Im big pimpin nigga, even on
a shoestring budget...."-
Supastition

"the most important in the whole wide world is and you hardly even know it..."

www.donwill.substack.com

http://myspace.com/napmusic82
http://myspace.com/trackademicks
http://www.myspace.com/chegrand
http://myspace.com/tanyamorgan
http://www.myspace.com/jdavey
http://www.myspace.com/specboogie

but that doesn't mean you have the foggiest idea of what to do with me


quote of the year.
------
that's my homeboy right there
--> raw soul music
------

------
ad here.
------

Going for the here and now, we're constantly being tainted or painted with the golddigger title. I don't know why it is, but sometimes it seems we're culturally bred to 'work with a brother', or 'giving him time to get himself together' rather than going for the brother who is already together; and when we do go for the got it together brother, there has to be some kind of ulterior motive.

Sometimes I think our nurturing role functions as a double edged sword. Our innate nature at times is also used as a crutch. We're always there no matter what.....waiting. So what's the point of anyone trying to get themselves together. They already have us most of the time.

I guess it just how a patriarchal society works.

No, doubt somebody will argue that point. It may not be 'YOUR' truth, but its far from being false.