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Mary: Jospeh?
Joseph: *half asleep* Woman, what you want? I'm tryna take a nap.
Mary: I...I got to tell you something. *deep breath* It's important *fidgets*.
Joseph: *still half asleep* Go'on; I'm lis'nin'.
Mary: Joseph, I'm pregnant.
Joseph: *blinks awake, and stares at Mary silently, his eyes big as saucers and a look of shock upon his face*
Mary: Did you hear what I said, Joseph? You're going to be...
Joseph: *slowly building in anger, running his words together ala Ike Turner* _I'm_ gonna be? *snicker* _I_ ain't gonna be shit but a cotdamn FOOL, that's what I'm go' be. Oh, I done heard what you said, woman. And you know full & hell well the baby ain't mine, because we was SUPPOSED to be waiting 'til our marriage license went through...
Mary: Joseph...
Joseph (continued): ...you sitting here telling me you pregnant, and e'erybody KNOWS we ain't did nothing, yo' mama know, MY mama know, and you know they told every-damn-body else. And we CAN'T do nothing because you know the mail-order marriage license take half a year to get to Jerusalem and back...
Mary: Joseph...!
Joseph (continued): and you think you gon' walk around here with your belly gettin' bigger, bringing shame to me & MY family and then drop some OTHER nigga's baby in MY house? Fuck. that. *walks to front door and opens it* GET OUT.
Mary: Baby, you ain't even tryin' to let me talk! I ain't no adulterer! It's all God's will!
Joseph: It's God's will for you to fuck some other nigga besides yo' fiance? See, it's times like this I wish you knew how to read, woman. But let me help you out *goes to back room and pulls out hand-scribed copy of the Torah* Uhm-hum. Here we go. Deuteronomy 22:21: "Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall STONE HER WITH STONES 'TIL SHE DIE." *looks at Mary* Go get me a rock.
Mary: I ain't goin' to get nothin', Joseph! I'm still a virgin...!
Jospeh: Woman, please. What kinda dumb nigga do you TAKE me for?
Mary: Listen! An angel came to me...
Jospeh: Angel Sanchez from across the street? You let that Puerto Rican nigga knock you up?!?
Mary: No! A real angel! From Heaven! He came down and told me *mimics angel* "Mary, The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy, the Son of God."
Joseph: You a damn lie, woman. Somethin' overshadowed you, all right, but it shol' wasn't the Most High. That Sanchez nigga ain't but two cubits tall. *gets up* Now, you wait right here and don't move from that chair. I'ma be right back with the biggest fuckin' rock I can find. I can't beLEIVE this shit...
*Joseph exists the house and marches towards the river, where he finds a large slab of marble*
Joseph: Uhm-hum. THIS one'll do nicely! Tapdance all over MY family name, will she? Don't she know I got royal blood in my family. I...I...*tear*...aw, man, what am I doing? *drops rock* I can't go in there and kill my woman I LUH that girl, man, even if she did me wrong. Maybe there's some kinda way I can divorce her quiet-like. But man, that'd be ANOTHER six-month wait...
A Voice: JOSEPH! (*echo* Jospeh! joseph! josep...)
Joseph: *looks in several directions nearly all at once* Who said that?!
A Voice: I DID (I did. i did. i di...)
*An angel materializes*
Joseph: Hey, man; that'sa nice trick. But you don't scare me one bit. Now back away from me or I'll beat the fairy dust outta you.
Angle: I wouldn't try that. The last dude that tried to box with me got his behind handed to him. His arms were too short to...
Joseph: ...yeah yeah. I know. I know. Whatever, man. Just who the hell are you?
Angel: Well, I have certainly nothing to do with hell, Joseph. I am the LORD your God's sacred emissary, sent here to prevent you from putting your wife away *looks at rock* -or down - as an adulterer.
Joseph: *smirks to himself* Man, that woman's mouth work fast as anything.
Angel: I am serious! Now, listen; your wife is the luckiest woman that will ever live. She has been chosen especially by the LORD God Jehovah to give birth to the Son of Man: the King of Kings, the Host of Hosts. The being who shall deliver you and every other human being on this planet from the fiery pits of hell and lead them towards the path of salvation and everlasting life! Now, I know it's a bit of a shock to have your fiancee tell you that she is pregnant, but you must not put her down, Jospeh! Marry her and love her, and give the LORD'S son an earthly family to call his own.
Jospeh: *silence*
Angel: Jospeh...?
Joseph: It was YOU, wasn't it?
- FIN -
PS: LORD, FORGIVE ME.
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