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Fri Aug-31-18 09:41 AM

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"White People Shooting 3 Pointers (18-19 Sixers Thread)"



swear to God, my life is a movie.

It’s a movie.

I know corny dudes are always saying that because they bought like an SUV or whatever, but I swear I can say it for real. I’ll prove it to you like this….

This is a real story. Hand to God. When I came over from Cameroon at 16, I didn’t know any English, didn’t know a single person in America, didn’t really understand the culture except for like basic hip-hop. And I know people sort of know my story, but I don’t think they really understand how crazy it is. Because I had just started playing basketball literally — literally — three months before I got an offer to come play high school ball in Florida.

I could dunk, but I had no handle.

So I went to the practice on the first day, and I was so bad that the coach kicked me out of the gym. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was so skinny, so soft. But the worst part was that all my own teammates were seriously pointing and laughing at me, like the asshole kids in the movies about high school. It was crazy. I’m looking at these dudes, not really understanding what they’re even saying, like, Damn guys, come on, let’s just trust the process here.

And they’re just like, “LOL NAH YOU SUCK.”

Man, I went back to my dorm and cried. I was like, This is crazy. What am I even doing here? I can’t play. I’m going home.

But then I was sitting in my room listening to Lil Wayne or something, in my feelings, thinking about these dudes making fun of me, and suddenly my competitive side took over. I got really, really motivated. Whenever people say I can’t do something, I actually love it. It makes me want to prove them wrong so bad. So I said to myself, Alright, I’m literally just going to work and work in the gym until I’m good. KOBE.

I got better and better, especially around the rim, but I still couldn’t shoot. So I started working out with one of my teammates, Michael Frazier II. Remember him? This dude was a shooter. Like, killing it. He hit 11 threes in a game once for Florida. So after practice, I’d do these three-point drills with him, and of course, he’s smashing me. I have no form, no fundamentals. I’m jacking shit up. But I just can’t take losing to this dude every day. I’m so competitive that I’m like, I gotta beat this guy. I gotta find a way.

So I’m chilling one night, and I go on YouTube, and I’m thinking I’m about to figure this shooting thing out.

I go to the search box like….





Then the light bulb went off, man. I typed in the magic words.


Listen, I know it’s a stereotype, but have you ever seen a normal, 30-year-old white guy shoot a three-pointer? That elbow is tucked, man. The knees are bent. The follow-through is perfect. Always. You know how in America, there’s always an older guy wearing like EVERLAST sweat-shorts at the court? That guy is always a problem. His J is always wet.

Those are the guys I learned from on YouTube. Just random people shooting threes with perfect form. Me and Michael would play after practice for hours, and I’d just try to imitate how they shot the ball, and I started being able to compete. It was crazy, because getting some range changed my whole game. Teams couldn’t play off me anymore, and I started doing a lot better.

I know people are going to think I’m exaggerating, but that’s a real story. I didn’t even really know who J.J. Redick was at that point. I barely knew anything about the NBA because I could never watch it in Cameroon. And no, I don’t mean that like we were too poor and we didn’t have a TV. We had a TV. We had a pretty normal life. Americans have crazy ideas about Africa, like its all one big country.

No, the reason I couldn’t watch the NBA is because my mom was super, super strict about school. She didn’t play around. I could never stay up to watch the games. Every single day it was: Wake up, eat, go to school from seven to five, run home and take a nap, wake up and eat dinner, then study until like midnight. I’m telling you — school is too easy in America, man. In Cameroon, it’s crazy. Elementary school is like college. I didn’t even have any friends because all I ever did was sleep and do homework.

I remember when Cameroon had the Golden Generation at the 2002 World Cup, I was eight years old, so I was begging my mom and dad to let me play soccer. But they weren’t having it. So when I got to be older, I got a little more rebellious, and I’d sneak out of the house to play.

There was like an hour window after school when my mom wasn’t home yet, and the soccer field was right next to our house, so I had this whole scheme. I’d run home after school and put my bookbag by the kitchen table and then I’d open up a science book or whatever. And I’d have that thing all highlighted and everything, like I was really grinding. Papers and pens everywhere. Then once that was all set up, I’d run back out to the field. I literally got so good that I could hear the specific sound of my mom’s car coming down the street. If I was at the other end of the field and I was too far away, whoever was playing keeper would see her car coming and be yelling like, “Joel! Joellllllllllll! Your mom’s coming, bro! Run!”

And I’d sprint into the back of our house, hide my shoes and sit down at the table, like sweating. Like I was thinking so hard about science that I was about to pass out. I had like 25 seconds before my mom parked her car, took off her shoes and got inside to make sure I was studying.

I’d be sitting there with a glass of juice or whatever, like, “Hello, Mom. It’s me, Your Good Son.”

The first time I ever watched an NBA game was the 2009 Finals.

Lakers vs. Magic.

Dwight. Pau. Odom. KOBE.

I had never seen anything like that. I was watching those dudes shoot like 100% from the floor. Everything was going in. The way they moved, and the athleticism, I thought it was the coolest thing in the world.

I had that moment like, I just wanna do that.

I begged my mom and dad. I begged for a year.

My dad was like, “Nobody in Cameroon plays basketball. You can play volleyball.”

I’m like, “Yo, volleyball?”

By that time, I had started hearing some American hip-hop on the internet, and I’d be trying to sing the words to look cool, even though I didn’t know any English. I’d be walking around school singing that Lil’ Bow Wow and Ciara song. Remember that? All I could say in English was like “Hello, good morning,” and then “I AIN’T NEVER HAD NOBODY DO ME LIKE YOU.”

That was my exposure to American culture — Bow Wow, Kanye and Kobe. Sometimes I’d go to this court by my house where guys would play pickup, and every time I’d shoot the ball, I’d literally yell out, “KOBE!”

Imagine it. I’m out there shooting bricks, yelling out Kobe, on a busted hoop in Cameroon.

Seven years later, I was playing Kobe.

It’s a movie. It’s really a movie.

Guillermo Hernandez-Martinez/The Players' Tribune

Even when people hear the story, they think like, “Oh, they discovered this crazy talent in Africa, and this guy came over and started killing it. Kansas. NBA. Boom.”

Nah. You don’t even understand.

When I was 16, Luc Mbah a Moute invited me to come to the basketball camp that he puts on every summer in Cameroon, and the only reason was because I was like 6 foot 10. I was so nervous that I didn’t even show up the first day. The second day, I showed up, they put me in the game and I dunked on somebody.

I think I was so scared that my adrenaline took over or something.

Straight away, first game. And I mean — not just dunked. Dunked on somebody.

I was like, OH SHIT.

I mean, I was still terrible, but it was enough. They could see something in me. I got a spot at the Basketball Without Borders camp in South Africa. Two months later, I was on a plane to Florida to go to high school in America.

A year later, I committed to Kansas.

I didn’t even know what March Madness was. I didn’t know who the good teams were. The only reason I chose Kansas was because Luc told me, “Kansas is the best. You should go to Kansas.”

So I went to Kansas.

And this is another true story … hand to God.

My very first scrimmage at Kansas, I got dunked on so hard by Tarik Black that I almost quit. Tarik dunked on me so hard that I was looking at plane tickets home. This guy was a senior. He was a grown man. I didn’t know what was going on. He got his own rebound and dunked over me so hard that everything went in slow motion.

He dunked the ball off my head, for real. But I didn’t even tell you the worst part. The worst part was that the entire Kansas women’s hoops team was sitting in the bleachers watching the scrimmage. The whole gym was laughing at me. It was crazy. Seriously, it was like a WORLDSTAR situation.

So I went straight to Bill Self’s office afterward and I said, “I can’t do this. You have to redshirt me. I can’t play with these guys.”

And Bill was like, “What? Are you serious? In two years, you’re going to be the No. 1 pick in the NBA draft.”

The thing was, I had been told that all these college coaches lie. So I really thought he was trying to be slick with me. In my head, I was like, Alright, I’m just going to keep showing up and at least I’ll get a degree out of this. That will make my mom happy.

The only thing that kept me going was the way that I was raised by my parents. They always told us to keep working, no matter what. I had this DVD that my coach in Cameroon had mailed to me when I first came to America. It was an hour-long tape of Hakeem Olajuwon and some other legendary big men. I probably watched that DVD every single day for three years. I would study the way Hakeem moved, and I would go out and try to imitate him.

I did it in high school, and I did it at Kansas.

I was basically just imagining that I was a good basketball player. The power of the mind is kind of amazing. I mean, I sucked. But somehow, I convinced myself that I was Hakeem. And I started getting better and better. And then I sort of started killing it.

I pretended my way to the NBA. I seriously got to the league by watching YouTube and living in the gym. There’s no other way to explain it. Remember when KG won the title with the Celtics, and he was acting all crazy, screaming out, “ANYTHING IS POSSIBLLLLLLLLLLLLLE!!!!!!!!!!!!”

That speaks to me. That’s my life. It happened so fast that it doesn’t even make sense.

The most surreal moment was when Kobe was retiring, and he played his last game in Philly. After the game, they set up a little room for us to talk for a minute. He walked in, and I shook his hand and I told him, “Man, I know you probably hear this a lot, but I literally started playing basketball because of you seven years ago. Whenever I’d be shooting the ball at the park, I’d be yelling out, ‘KOBEEEEEE!’ ”

He laughed and we talked for a minute, and then before he left he said the most Kobe thing. To most people, it wouldn’t mean anything. But to me, it was surreal. It was like I was in a video game or something.

He said, in the most Kobe way, “O.K., young fella. Keep working. Keep working.”

Thank you, Kobe. Thank you, Hakeem. Thank you, Mom and Dad. Thank you, Kansas. Thank you, Philly. Thank you, Lil’ Bow Wow. Thank you, Random White People.

It’s a movie, I swear.


"You (Fisher) could get fired, Les Snead could get fired, Kevin Demoff could get fired, but I will always be Eric Dickerson.” (c) The God


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White People Shooting 3 Pointers (18-19 Sixers Thread) [View all] , bshelly, Fri Aug-31-18 09:41 AM
Subject Author Message Date ID
he so
Aug 31st 2018
He is...he really is.
Aug 31st 2018
You're welcome, Joel.
Aug 31st 2018
- Kobe
Aug 31st 2018
RE: White People Shooting 3 Pointers (18-19 Sixers Thread)
Aug 31st 2018
I know corny dudes are always saying that because they bought like an SU...
Aug 31st 2018
he is my favorite guy in sports right now. this story is amazing.
Aug 31st 2018
Hello, good morning. I AIN'T NEVER HAD NO ONE DO ME LIKE YOU
Aug 31st 2018
^^^^^^^^^ YES
Sep 01st 2018
The world doesn't deserve Joel Embiid, man. . .
Aug 31st 2018
Aug 31st 2018
Expectations for 2018-2019
Sep 26th 2018
May 13th 2019
Oct 01st 2018
RE: 😊
Oct 02nd 2018
      As predicted Ben’s gonna be an asshole this year
Oct 02nd 2018
Oct 06th 2018
mad that I'm just now clicking on this. joel the best.
Oct 02nd 2018
Oct 02nd 2018
aka your one-stop shop for Landry Shamet cysage
Oct 05th 2018
I was on that sice train when I saw the Sixers picked him up
Oct 05th 2018
Worth the trip all by itself
Oct 05th 2018
someone gonna find that offensive
Oct 05th 2018
      i was wondering about that
Oct 05th 2018
Over-reaction Activate!
Oct 17th 2018
glad it's not just me
Oct 17th 2018
When your wife gets booed by 20,000 people...
Oct 19th 2018
for some reason, THIS is emblematic of you
Oct 19th 2018
Oct 19th 2018
keep her forever
Oct 19th 2018
"If they die, they die" (c) MarkyMark Wifey
Oct 19th 2018
RE: When your wife gets booed by 20,000 people...
Oct 22nd 2018
I laughed
Oct 22nd 2018
Update: Played the RTRS podcast for the Missus...
Oct 24th 2018
hold this L
Oct 24th 2018
And he was still talking after the game... smh
Oct 24th 2018
that flop was almost World Cup soccer-esque
Oct 24th 2018
      It’s sad. And the fact he wants to be known for this makes it worse.
Oct 24th 2018
Blake killt him
Oct 24th 2018
Serious question: how can Ben Simmons be this bad at shooting?
Oct 24th 2018
Was probably always a bigger kid that could handle and get to the rack e...
Oct 24th 2018
      Giannis was selling watches at 17. Ben had elite coaching at 17.
Oct 24th 2018
           He’s had coaching way before he was 17.
Oct 24th 2018
Joel Embiid has made the leap
Nov 01st 2018
my coworker is feverently anti-fultz
Nov 02nd 2018
he and simmons are hurting one another.
Nov 04th 2018
      off ball? might as well put #25 on a desk, put it on the wing
Nov 04th 2018
           That’s plan b
Nov 04th 2018
Why the fuck can't we win on the road?
Nov 05th 2018
5 games in 7 nights
Nov 05th 2018
      how the fuck is the NBA still scheduling like that?
Mar 18th 2019
Please let Embiid be All Star Game
Nov 07th 2018
hey, dario's alive!
Nov 08th 2018
RE: hey, dario's alive!
Nov 08th 2018
Fultz as the secondary ball handler is a good look
Nov 08th 2018
I've had it. Move Big Ass Rondo to the 4
Nov 08th 2018
I see ol' coach by the numbers BB still has no feel for his players
Nov 16th 2018
What next?
Nov 20th 2018
Give Jimmy Butler all the money...
Nov 26th 2018
We gave up +120pts to the Cavs and Nets
Nov 26th 2018
Ben got the green light
Jan 06th 2019
6 point win over the mavs on a b2b is not the best win
Jan 06th 2019
      good thing that's not what I said
Jan 06th 2019
Butler vs Brown
Jan 07th 2019
The simple solutions 2 systems
Jan 07th 2019
      RE: The simple solutions 2 systems
Jan 07th 2019
           I took it as Jimmy giving the 6ers notice
Jan 07th 2019
Jan 09th 2019
Simmons right. The defense blows.
Jan 12th 2019
Fire Brett Brown, promote Monty Williams, before we lose another assist...
Jan 12th 2019
      Brett can’t unwash Wilson Chandler
Jan 12th 2019
           The roster excuses need to stop, that plea cop falls flat when
Jan 14th 2019
best game of the season?
Jan 16th 2019
I'm worried we're playing to the level of our competition
Jan 16th 2019
      As long as we’re winning
Jan 16th 2019
that sucked
Jan 20th 2019
Lol he’s a coward
Jan 20th 2019
      20/15/9 against the league’s second best defense
Jan 20th 2019
           super talented player, but that last sequence was alarming
Jan 20th 2019
Jan 22nd 2019
Jan 22nd 2019
I wish we'd brought him back...
Jan 22nd 2019
robin to jo’s troll Batman
Jan 22nd 2019
Jan 22nd 2019
      I hope this game is televised nationally
Jan 23rd 2019
Jan 23rd 2019
      Jo won’t swing. Someone will swing on him.
Jan 23rd 2019
           my exact thought when i saw the post you're responding to
Jan 24th 2019
Fultz back with the team; Smith and Patton assigned to Blue Coats
Jan 25th 2019
And mama cooked a breakfast with no hog
Feb 01st 2019
also Bolden and Shamet!
Feb 01st 2019
RE: also Bolden and Shamet!
Feb 01st 2019
Ben was impressive but that defense though
Feb 01st 2019
I'm still in disbelief this morning
Feb 01st 2019
RE: And mama cooked a breakfast with no hog
Feb 01st 2019
      With extreme prejudice.
Feb 01st 2019
JoJo EC Player of the Month...29, 14 and 2 blocks.
Feb 02nd 2019
Hasn't been much action for the 6ers ahead of the deadline
Feb 05th 2019
Tobi and Bobi coming!
Feb 06th 2019
I'm excited that we're all in...but that's alot to give up for an expiri...
Feb 06th 2019
RE: I'm excited that we're all in...but that's alot to give up for an ex...
Feb 06th 2019
Feb 06th 2019
Feb 06th 2019
      Oooooooo yes please
Feb 06th 2019
The 2019 NBA Executive of the Year is a Dookie...
Feb 08th 2019
Magic tampering with LeBen
Feb 11th 2019
Baggins gotta be Executive of the Year
Feb 13th 2019
The Bench moves are going to help y'all spring big time too.
Feb 11th 2019
RE: The Bench moves are going to help y'all spring big time too.
Feb 12th 2019
Almost threw my phone through the tv last night
Feb 13th 2019
Sixers over Thunder: one of the wins of the season
Mar 01st 2019
Sixers over Thunder: one of the wins of the season
Mar 01st 2019
Do you think we need to make a decision between Jo and Ben?
Mar 01st 2019
      RE: Do you think we need to make a decision between Jo and Ben?
Mar 01st 2019
      Well said
Mar 01st 2019
           How do we manage his knee tendinitis to make a deep playoff run?
Mar 01st 2019
                Do what we’re doing right now
Mar 01st 2019
      *atomic facepalm*
Mar 05th 2019
LeBen, ECF Player of the Week
Mar 05th 2019
Mar 06th 2019
They got no bench
Mar 06th 2019
Mar 07th 2019
RE: They got no bench
Mar 07th 2019
But it shouldn’t matter
Mar 07th 2019
Jimmy was phenomenal yesterday
Mar 18th 2019
They finna get that 3 though plus their no-bench beat the Bucks so ...
Mar 18th 2019
Mar 20th 2019
Dogg I had to skip the second half
Mar 21st 2019
Ben is now taking 0.8 outside jumpers per game
Mar 23rd 2019
RE: Take 3 3ptr bricks off Joel's hands
Mar 23rd 2019
Grand opening...
Apr 13th 2019
That's what you say when a team loses in the 1st round or gets swept.
May 15th 2019
now what happens? who stays? who leaves?
May 13th 2019
RE: now what happens? who stays? who leaves?
May 14th 2019
That's the thing, Jimmy will definitely want a max deal, he'll be 30...
May 14th 2019
      RE: That's the thing, Jimmy will definitely want a max deal, he'll be 30...
May 14th 2019
      RE: Run It Back.
May 14th 2019
           BB already given the HC seat for next season
May 14th 2019
                I think he's had very good assistants, can't hang it on that
Jun 08th 2019
Butler and Harris, yes. Brown most likely. JJ only if he is very cheap
May 15th 2019
We were a four bounce shot away from winning a title
Jun 08th 2019
The "process" shat his pants, literally
Jun 08th 2019
four-bounce shot plus winning in OT
Jun 08th 2019
Sixers swipe Ime Udoka from Spurs coaching staff...
Jun 10th 2019

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