the first time i lied, i was seven years old and
it was fire safety week at school.
we all made fire engines out of construction paper
and they were put on the wall
because the end of the week was open house.
my classmate stacy had brought in for show and tell
a doll of smokey the bear.
his arms moved up and down
and his shovel could be removed from his plastic grip.
he was also proportionate to the 8" mego figures
which means in a perfect world
he would have fought crime along side batman,
spiderman, and the penguin (the only ones i had).

that afternoon as we were boarding the buses,
stacy dropped smokey unknowingly as she got on
her bus. i tried to call to her but i could not be heard
above the chaos of elementary freedom.
smokey, then, came home with me.
when mom saw him, she asked where i got him.
i told her what felt like the truth:
"i won him at school.
there was a contest for who made the best fire engine
and i won."
being that it was fire safety week, it seemed like the perfect fib.

except for open house.

when i heard my mom start to thank my teacher for the awesome prize
i broke.
the truth burbled out in a sentence that sounded like
"ohnothatsnotminestacydroppeditwhenshewasgettingonthebus
andiamgivingitbacktomorrow--"

the ride home was cold and silent,
except for my parents explaining their disappointment.
no punishment that could have been given
could have been worse.

when i got home, the megos waved goodbye
to their new crimefighting friend.
smokey went directly into my stupid book bag.
not because i was ready to give him back
but when i went through all the ways i screwed up
and who could have possibly gotten me out of it,
the bear's grizzly bass kept echoing in my head,
"only you," he growled,
"only you."

-----
"You Sensitive Bastard", Rob Sturma's latest book of poems, is available directly from the author. It's a pretty book with a real ISBN number and everything.

www.myspace.com/robsturma