Dear, Diary (12/16/07)

2007 is coming to a close
But my mind is as open as it can be
I survived another year
But I don't know how much longer
I can keep depression from being the end of me
Those suicidal thoughts are happening more frequently
Failure is my worst fear
Have you ever been so sad
That your sadness couldn't be expressed in tears
Crying is just a waste of water
Water that Georgia could use
I'm a hip-hop head for life
But lately I've been finding myself
Listening to a lot of Jazz and Blues
My best friend's name is depression
My worst enemy is love
I just wish she would tell me where we stand
So I can decide if I want to
Step up and embrace her
Or fall back and let her get hit by the bus
Life is so overrated
I guess you can say I over-hate-it
Ain't seen happiness in a long time
And even if I did
I'd probably wouldn't recognize it
I'm zoning out to Joe Budden's Mood Muzik 3
Shit is hot
I need it...especially since its so cold outside
Lupe is telling us if you try to be the coolest
Get ready for the die
Because the life of superstar
Will eventually end in due time
My cell phone ain't rung in days
I guess people don't care about me these days
I'm sending text messages and can't get a reply
It's about time I start erasing people from my mind
I hate when I invest so much effort into a friendship
And I can't get the same effort back
Miss me with that "oh...I was busy" shit
'Cause that excuse is over used and wack
It seems like women my age
Like being with dudes that ain't shit
Older women treat me like a king
Because they see I have the potential to the shit
My toilet is broken
So I'm focused to coexist
With both types of feces
Earth is cesspool of ignorance, hatred and disease
The wrong objects accumulate the most wealth
Mama said so many people look up to me
She couldn't understand why I look down on myself
I told her I was depressed
She thought I joking
And tuned me out
Sometimes I stay in the house all day
I won't even go out
Tried to get help
But the help didn't work
So what am I supposed to do?
I don't know man
What's the point of it all
We're born, then we live, then we die
What do you do when you don't like life?

Sincerely,

Yours Truly