Can you help me as to why I'm so addicted to this bullshit?


For those unfamiliar with the show it’s of the “reality” variety; pitting Mantracker, a Canadian cowboy reminiscent of LaFours in Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid, against two often hapless contestants who’s objective is to make it to a finish line in 36 hours over a picturesque outdoor setting. Mantracker tries to live up to his sobriquet and corner them before they’ve made the finish line. The contestants are given a map showing them the finish line and a headstart. Mantracker has only his horse, a cowpoke companion (also on horseback) familiar with the particular wilds they’re chasing their prey through, and his keen tracking experience. They label him an expert in “outdoor forensics” or something.


There. Is. No. Prize. For. Beating. Him.


This show is riciulousness deinfed. The poor bastards never stand a snowballs chance in Hell of beating the guys on horseback. I’ve seen exactly one pair win and they were Olympic athletes(!!!) who basically ran during the night while Mantracker and his sidekick, Curly Joe, slept. Mantracker may not know where the finish line is but it’s always next to a highway, or a popular road or river bed off a trail, or some other well known spot, and he and the local just ride there and wait for their prey. But the shit is addictive!!


First off, Mantracker was born about a century and a half too late because he IS fucking cowboy. He wears a duster. He talks to his horse more than he talks to the local sidekick. He uses words like “ninnies” and” dingbats” to describe his prey even while he’s uttering profanities in every other sentence. He’s grizzled yet has that Canadian accent that makes it so you can’ help but giggle at what they say like that scene in South Park: The Movie. Plus the logistics of the show are just insane. The dingbats and ninnies run scrambling from the horsies whenever they sneak up on them ((on horses??)) and scurry into the brush hiding out. Obviously there has to be a cameraman with a pretty sizeable camera rig to right next to them to get such nice looking close-ups, Mantracker can sit back atop a ridge and just try to spot any camera through his binoculars (or “field glasses” as he outdoorsmanly calls them).


This show is just such a mess but I can’t help but sit there, glassy eyed, staring at the screen. It does help takes place in some of the most beautiful country I’ve ever seen. That and the fact that Canadians talk funny.