ABSOLUTELY HAVE NO PLANS OF SEEING
20. Spiderman 3 - Didn't see the first two. I bet Kirsten Dunst and Tobey Maguire share mayonnaise on Saltine sandwiches.

19. Hostel 2 - Didn't see the first one and only vaguely have an idea of what it was about.

18. Fantastic Four 2 - Is Jessica Alba giving away head and ten dollar bills at theaters? If not, nope, not at all.

17. Harry Potter 5 - I just read Sorcerer's Stone a while ago: nice story, but obviously written for 2nd Graders. (For the record, I can name children's literature that isn't written at such a child's level.) (hate) But I still haven't seen the movies, and my cousins are too young to give a shit about it, so I can't imagine anyone dragging me there.

16. Shrek the Third - When the original first came out on DVD, I was told by people I trust(ed) that it was great. I fell asleep about forty minutes in, but what I remember didn't warrant any praise. (I think people suck this series off for the Dreamworks / Spielberg name.)

15. Rush Hour 3 - Isn't Jackie Chan about seventy? Hasn't Chris Tucker not worked in that many years? I'd see a new Lethal Weapon movie before Rush Hour 3, and I don't think they're making another one of those.

14. Transformers - Never gave a shit about the Transformers cartoon, toys, lunchbox, enterprise, whatever. And not the 2007 movie certainly.

13. 28 Weeks Later - Didn't see the first one. Thought about seeing the first one, but still haven't and won't for some time. Not really my genre-type.

12. Pirates 3 - The first one featured an admittedly clever performance by Johnny Depp, the best impersonation of his career (hate), but it was also about thirty minutes too long. In my mind, with its two sequels, that makes the series about 4 hours and thirty minutes too long.

11. Hairspray - Just like the Harry Potter movie will bring a particular audience to the theater I'd rather not spend two hours with, I'm gonna avoid Hairspray. I've seen the original, twice, but isn't this one supposed to have even more of a Broadway musical edge? Only on DVD, and only if it gets John Waters' approval.


^^notice: all remakes or sequels

TICKET PENDING ON REVIEWS OR CIRCUMSTANCE
10. The Simpsons Movie - Maybe eight years ago. I mean, nowadays a thirty minute episode of The Simpsons loses its way and my interest five minutes in. Nevertheless, it's still a legendary series, and maybe they decided not to get lazy given the great opportunity of a feature film.

09. Ratatouille - I got little cousins, so I might see it with them. Am I excited really? Nah.

09. Evan Almighty - Hmm . . . on one hand, I really like Steve Carrell. I even anticipated this trailer, but it looked like shit. Expensive shit, but shit nonetheless. So unless the reviews are real strong, nope.

07. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry - Sandler? Yes. Kevin James? No. Jessica Alba? Definitely. It's R, so that's potentially intriguing, but most of the jokes featured in the trailer were painfully obvious.

MOST LIKELY GONNA SEE
06. Sicko - I remember the episode of Moore's The Awful Truth where he pressured Humana into covering a guy's pancreas transplant after they initially turned down the case. See, that was Michael Moore actually helping someone other than himself (though I'm sure it soothed his ego as well). So I'll probably go, but Moore is one of those dudes who I like what he's doing just not necessarily how he's doing it.

05. Live Free or Die Hard - One of my favorite series, and Bruce Willis is arguably the best action star the 80s created (who else? Kurt Russell possibly). However, I'm instantly wary whenever a series gets plugged back in after being away for so long, but there's an 80% chance I'll make it out.

04. Superbad - Apatow, right? I have only a vague idea of what it's about, but that name right now is pretty golden.

DEFINITELY WILL SEE
03. Ocean's 13 - Yup. First was decent enough, a good start, but a little by-the-books. The second one was all charm and winks, but it had more of a personality than the first. I quite liked it even. Pacino aside (hate), I'll see it.

02. The Bourne Ultimatum - Yup. "Matt Damon is the greatest actor working today." The first two were at least good, and I still watch the OG whenever it comes on TBS.

01. Knocked Up - Yup. Opening weekend. I got high hopes for Rogen and the rest of the F&G cast on board. I don't wanna gush, but Apatow is responsible for some of my favorite moments in movies and TV from the last decade or so.


I don't know. Maybe I really am crotchety at only 22, but there's at least a dozen or so movies coming out in September and on this year I'm looking forward to. I'd just rather spend my money on them.