Wow I can't believe how shitty that was. This director obviously had no clue what the fuck he was doing. I'm pretty sure this director thought that The Expendables was supposed to be some kind of action movie spoof where they get a bunch of famous actors to suck each other's dicks on camera for 2 hours.

No.

The Expendables was an amazing action movie. The violence was visceral. The hand-to-hand fighting was top notch. They got right into the action, and once they got to Vilena it was basically non-stop violence. That's how you shoot an action movie - you present a shitty situation, you give the main character a gun, and you get him to shoot the living shit out of people until he's out of the shitty situation.

The Expendables 2 was like watching the behind the scenes of The Expendables 1. It was cute, until you realized you just paid $12 to watch action stars say each others' famous lines. Wooopdie damn doo. The director didn't understand that you pay HOMAGE to their famous characters, and then you MOVE ON to make an actual movie. If I wanted to see whether Chuck Norris was aware that people make jokes about him, I would watch a Chuck Norris interview. If I wanted to see if Arnold Schwarzeneggar had seen the Die Hard movies, I would watch an interview.

Show me some fucking action.

This is one reason why the new Total Recall was so sick - they paid HOMAGE to the original, and then they said fuck it we have our own movie to film. Expendables 2 was stuck in the homage section for the entire fucking 2 hours. Expendables 1 they had the scene with Bruce Willis and Arnold where they all paid HOMAGE, and then they moved on and fucking destroyed Eric Roberts.

After the opening scene (which was comically bad - like an action movie spoof shot by somebody who doesn't even understand action movies), there is probably a solid 45 minutes where literally nothing happens. They go to one place, crack stupid jokes related to their old movies, then they go to another place and do the same. Horrible.

The only people pulling weight in this movie were Statham, Li, and maybe Van Damme. The rest of the cast was reduced to basically Gimli in Lord of the Rings status - say corny one-liners while you kill waves of dudes in completely unimpressive ways.