>is what to say when they say "what happens when you die."
>
>like, we're not religious. so it's not as easy as saying "you
>go to heaven" or whatever.
>
>i know what i believe, which is i believe in reincarnation,
>because humans are literally energy and energy doesn't
>disappear it's just transferred or changed. there's hope in
>that.
>
>but i'm not gonna lie, death scares the shit outta me. i've
>actually considered seeing a therapist just to talk it out.
>because i've actually put myself in a sad/scared/depressed
>state thinking of death because it's sort of impossible to be
>conscious but think about the possibility that i'm wrong and
>that consciousness just ends. like, try to think about NOT
>THINKING *nervous laugh*. and THAT also makes me not be 100%
>CONVICTED in my belief in reincarnation. if any of what i
>typed even makes sense.

Gotcha. Not religious either. And I'm also with you re: energy/reincarnation. It definitely doesn't just die. It definitely just takes other forms, at least in the current iteration of the known world/universe.

I understand why all of this terrifies you - it's pretty fucking mindblowing to consider, all of it. But for some reason death doesn't scare me. I'm not "afraid" of it. It just is, to me.

And this is gonna come off as depressive but it's not: the main thing that makes me "care" if I die is my daughter. Prior to her being born in 2021, my thinking was basically If I die, it's my time. It'll work itself out. For the most part it's not something I can "control" so I'm not gonna spend a ton of time worrying about it.

But to be clear, I LOVE life and do not at all want to die. I'm just fortunate, I suppose, in that death has never been something that I'm preoccupied with or worried about on any significant level. Like I said the only thing that has made me get emotional thinking about dying, is my daughter being here. I want to be here with her for a long long long fucking time.

And I guess that brings us back to the original point of your post. Not only do I want to be here for a long time for selfish reasons: to watch her grow and learn and become who she's going to become. But the part that makes me emotional, now, when I think about dying, is thinking about how my death would impact *her*. Obviously at this point I'm a *HUGE* part of her thus-far tiny world. So it hits me right in the feels nowadays if I think about how effected she'd be if one day I just wasn't around anymore. Kills me.

So yea - to your original point, this is all so tough and heavy and wild and mindblowing to consider.

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"Fuck aliens." © WarriorPoet415