theres a lot of shit under the water for me. by "shit under the water" I mean my own trauma, depression, general sadness, frustration, anger, PTSD, etc.
when I geet too high, the the survival tools I developed to keep me safe and sane are weaponized and used against me...like, I learned to keep quiet, keep a low profile, and not stand out, because standing out meant a lot of things.
So, when I get too high that instinct becomes, a voice in my head that is screaming "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLACE NOW. NOT SAFE. IT'S NOT SAFE, YOU GOTTA LEAE NOW. GO GO GO GO GO" but on outside, I will appear calm when I say "aight man, Imma go home and chill" instead of hanging.