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One of the most important people in my life is gone. I will never forget her, I will always love her.
She grew up in Nicaragua during the 50's & 60's, very humble upbringing. She was the oldest of 4, the only girl. A daddy's girl. She used to tell me that her dad while quiet and reserved, would puff up his chest to protect her. She was married in her teens, married my father who was basically her neighbor, she told me that he would make his horse to all the way up to the house door to call for her, give her rides on his motorcycle, he was the only man she truly loved. She had my sister at 19 and my brother at 21. She was always hard working. She had a bunch of small businesses, from a liquor store to a book store, to when I was little selling Nicaraguan products to other Nicas in Camden. Always saving, always moving forward.
My father, had an affair in the 80's, I am a product of that affair. She forgave my father and due to the situation my biological mother was in, she accepted me in her home. From infancy to yesterday August 12th, I felt her love. When her father died of cancer, she shared with me one of his wishes. Take care of that boy, he has no fault in this situation. As a little boy I would spend the day at the book store. I would steal coins to go to the arcade, I convinced her to let me get a rat tail and when I got made fun by kids, she spanked me when I cut it off for wasting her money and for letting them get to me.
We moved to Camden NJ, in Aug of 92. She left my father and fully adopted me. She and my older sister worked hard, they paid for me to go to a private catholic school. She worked in factories, working from 6am to 11pm, working sometimes 3 jobs, cleaning offices, babysitting, doing door to door surveys, making clothes, anything and everything to move forward.
She always provided, always giving me what I asked for in her own way. She always got the last word. I remember as I got into HS, things became more status heavy, I remember being a sophomore and begging her for a pair of Timbs. My mom went out and found the most affordable pair. They were low cut, shiny leather, peanut butter colored. They were timbs and I loved them.
I got my first job at 15 at McDs, my 1st check was just under 100 bucks. She picks me up. hands me an envelope with cash. $77 bucks, what the hell, I asked, she said, well now you'll pay for you deodorant, toothbrush, toothpaste. This is life, if you earn $10, you buy want you need, and save the rest. Just because you have $10 doesn't mean you spend $10.
She never learned English, she would make me do all of her talking, I was forced to talk to people and translate. I thank her for my comfort with strangers and lack of fear at public speaking. She helped my through my first heartbreak at 18, lent me money to buy property, always called me hers, and would always serve me her food when I visited.
She was a proud, honest, smart, pushy, sarcastic, and funny. We would go to the mall and my mom would point out things about people and make me laugh. It wasn't nice, but it was her personality. For better or worse she was so opinionated, she would argue her point and then say, I dont care, it's what I know and i wont change. If you got on her bad side, man it was rough. She was the matriarch of my family, she ran things how she wanted and when she wanted. She was always clear in her goals and how to achieve them, even if it was a smaller version of that goal. She would make fun of someone, holy shit would she let them have it. My dad was her biggest target and when she laughed at something her laugh was big, cutting, and contagious.
My heart is broken, I wont hear her laugh again. I wont see her smile again. That is killing me. I will try my damndest to remember those things though. I wouldn't be who I am without you. I'm glad I shared so much of my life with you. You will be part of my conscience and moral compass forever. I love you mom, thank you for everything.
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