Strange days, these days.

Up is down, left is right, and uncertainty abounds.

This has been an extremely long, gradual shift. Christianity was, for a very long time, a refuge. About ten years ago I left the church, but still held onto, and even defended much of that ideology. I argued with people online, and yes, here on OKP. I even did my lil stretch of digging into "creation science". Still, through all those years, I had tons of questions that simply did not have sufficient answers. I leaned on a few of the usual fallacies, up to and including good ol' Pasquel's wager: what if I'm wrong, but never really had anything satisfactory to justify my belief. So it's been a long, slow and gradual turn.

I went back a few times, mainly because of my wife, and I made a few attempts to renew that commitment.

We went back last year, but at that point it was 100% arbitrary; I went for her, and for my daughter, who, in another story entirely, had been indoctrinated at her day care for about two and a half to three years before I knew what was going on, and has fully embraced the idea of god and jesus dying for her. But I knew I was in a fully arbitrary mode where neither my heart nor my mind was invested in the slightest.

So fast forward through this marital situation. I thought, hey, let me get back to the foundations of this Christianity thing, and perhaps I can rediscover that faith, perhaps gain some new revelation, and started looking up youtube videos to listen to at work to give me some foundation upon which to justify my faith, because I figured now would be a good time to get that back.

Then I stumbled upon clips that did the opposite, completely dismantling every argument I'd ever used, ever dogma I ever held, while simultaneously providing historical context, science, and basic principles of reason to complete this turn. Over the last, say, two months, any religious belief I once held is completely gone. No 'I'm spiritual, not religious" nonsense either. I now hold the position that there is simply insufficient evidence to justify belief in any deity, to any degree. That isn't to discount evidence that could arise in the future or anything... but I am actually well settled in this.

I'm obviously abridging a ton of details on this journey. It's a new skin though, and I genuinely feel as though I'm viewing the world through a different lense. I do feel some sort of loss of that security blanket, but I also, strangely, feel somewhat more empowered to take control of my life.

Though I am settled in my conclusion, I am now in a period of deprogramming an awful lot of remnants. That should be an interesting process.