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First off, I'm sorry that life has put such stress on you earlier in your life. Trauma is serious and I'm glad that your seeking treatment now and have done a great job managing your life to this point.
I have bipolar disorder with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Schizoaffective Disorder. I've also had some issues relating to trauma.
I started taking meds in 2000 when the bipolar symptoms became present.
I was leary of meds too. The idea of taking meds seems so stark. That 'your life has lost control.' But the action to take meds is a major step towards a better, more fulfilled life for yourself which will spill onto your family, friends, and loved ones. And it was one of the best decisions of my life until that point.
Yes, my life was more of a mess then than yours is now. I felt I *had* to take them to restore my sanity. But there are many people who take meds just to relieve mild symptoms. And not everyone who takes meds takes them for the rest of their life. Their symptoms could only be situational or they fade away after some time with treatment.
Taking meds was like making a commitment to my emotional and overall wellbeing. And the only regret I have about taking the meds was not starting sooner when the symptoms weren't so problematic to manage.
Like rjcc said, the meds are there to treat an illness. The symptoms you face are emotional and so felt in your mind, but the illness is neurochemical. And so, treating the biochemistry ought to give you more relief.
Yes, the exercise, therapy, and meditation are very helpful. (and I wouldn't advise stopping those even if you do go on meds.) But meds are an important component in treating PTSD which is a very serious, but also treatable condition. In fact patients on meds who also attend therapy improve their condition faster than patients doing only one of those two.
If you have more questions or concerns, I'm more than willing to answer them. Also, if you would like more opinions in an anonymous setting, seek out support groups relating to either PTSD or mental illness in general. NAMI (National Association of Mental Illness) and DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Association) are organizations which sponsor support groups where people of various mental illnesses meet and talk about their symptoms. There are guests who come through who ask questions about meds, so feel free to ask questions. They'll be happy to talk about their experiences.
Good luck, bro. <--- Me when my head hits the pillow
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