My wife says that anxiety is living in either the past or the future but not the present and I can make sense of that.
Over the last years or so we’ve really continued to push not living in the past but living in the “what will/could/should be” is something that you have to do to a degree.

My ethos has been that as long as I’m doing my best today then tomorrow will be better. Or at least the things I control will be better.
But that hasn’t worked with work. And since October at least I’ve been actively trying to change my work situation.
Which also means I’m not following one of my core values through most of my day. And it’s a challenge to deal with that. It’s a challenge because emotionally I’m not equipped nor want to be to fight a bad job. It’s money. A job is money. I don’t need to fight to be liked or respected or to be left alone. Because someone else will give me money.
Which also then means I’m doing mental gymnastics to get through my days in ways that I’m not equipped for and needing to turn it off when I get home.
And there’s just this huge imbalance within all of this that I’m so over

I just want to be here in the now.

------
“There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.” -Albert Camus