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>1) Keep your kids close, be honest, listen to them, ask them >questions, constantly check with them on their emotional >state. Being able to talk through it helps a ton for them. I >won't sugar coat it though. First few weeks/months might be >tough...for both you and them.
I do this often with both kids, but especially to my soon to be 7 year old son. He's high energy but very sensitive. I'm most worried about him. > >2) Your situation is waaaaaaaaaay more positive than you know. > So take refuge in that. You'll be close to the kids, in an >agreeable situation where she's not bitter/vindictive and >won't struggle-struggle financially (I know it'll be tighter >but if you can manage it, you're in a great space). > She'll be much tighter than me on finances, but we'll both struggle initially. She has absolutely no reason in the world to be vindictive with me - she should realize she got the pass of a lifetime when I accepted her and agreed to keeping things 50/50. I have my gripes, but I've been able to set my ego aside and get along fine with her. I'll do my best to stay very cordial with her.
>3) Mourn the loss of the relationship and take a lil time to >heal. Don't sulk too much or let anger consume you. She's >living her truth and in time you'll realize that's better for >both of you than forcing it. This happened so you can find >the space you need to be in.
This is spot on. I know I'll definitely be better off in the long term so it's wasted energy letting anger and bitterness consume me. > >4) I'm on marriage #2 and trust me, it gets better. Mainly >because you'll know yourself more and will be much more keen >on the type of person you allow into your life. There's a bit >more at stake. So if it's serious, you'll vet more >thoroughly. And if it's not, you'll make sure there are clear >boundaries. > Yeah, I can see this. I know damn well if I do ever get to the point of considering marriage again, there will be zero doubt in the world and I'll have a much more clear understanding of what I want in a relationship and partner.
>5) Make your ex accountable but not at the expense of the >kids. There will be times where she's trying to unload them >on you during 'her' time. As a dad, your first instinct will >be to clamor for that extra time, but at the same time, be >careful not to enable her. If you're doing more work, why >should it be a 50/50 split of responsibility? Make sure she >pulls her weight or pays for it. One or the other, no in >between. > >6) Lastly, my condolences. I know it's tough but trust me, >you can come through the other end a better >everything...husband/mate, father, person, lover...etc. This >trial is not too great to overcome.
This gives me hope. Thanks again for taking time to respond.
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