15. "If he's a loving dad as you say....i say involve him in it..." In response to In response to 13
There's a chance your so wasn't involved in their decision because the father figured she wouldn't have an issue.
This is a big deal imo and involving him is a show of respect...something dad will appreciate and something the kids will appreciate too (even if they learn the details later down).
I agree with your original stance and don't think what the father and his wife do should impact your decision. Kids are smart and I think explaining to them that you're not comfortable being called dad is enough...they'll eventually see how you treat them and their mom and use that as a mark of how much of a family you guys are.
Salute to you for even putting this much thought into this. Those kids sound like they have a lot of love around them...they'll be fine either way I think