http://www.yelp.com/biz/tams-burgers-compton

These Yelp niggas bout to catch these hands if they delete this review again. Suge gon' keep posting I DON'T GIVE A FUCK

Aight, I'm up in Tam's Burgers yesterday finna get my eat on, nahmean? Y'all niggas ain't forgot but I'm a big nigga, go 6'4" bout 3 hunnit and I get mad as fuck when I ain't eat every three hours. So I pull up to Tam's, real mufuckin place reppin' Compton, OG's layin' back all over like jungle cats, just snackin' on fries n' shit. Vibe is tight, see my homey Big Twan posted up with dis' bad bitch in a booth in the back of the restaurant. I kick it with Twan for bout five minutes before I seen these two niggas mad doggin me. Ain't think much at first, who ain't finna get a look at Suge. My ass legendary. But these niggas start frontin' and step, challenge me to a break dance off in the parking lot. That ain't even my thing, but I ain't bout to look like a bitch in front of all these OG's and fine ass bitches. I been outta the scene for a minute recovering from gunshots, can't let my cred get checked by a couple of breakdancing niggas. All of a sudden one of these fools starts layin' down a beat and the other mufuck starts spinnin' on his head, right in the middle of Tam's. That floor wax on point, so this nigga spinnin' for like 3 minutes straight. I ain't gon lie, shit was 100. Need a minute to get my shit straight, so I tell these niggas to go outside and lemme get a chicken sandwich and some waffle fries real quick. I ain't bout to bring the ruckus on an empty stomach. So I take my time with this sandwich, and let me tell you, ON GOD, this one of the top 5 chicken sandwiches I ever had in my life. Sauce game strong as fuck and that bun? Oh my lord, I ain't even doin it justice. And if that ain't enuff, these niggas changing the game on waffle fry seasoning. I musta been lickin my fingers like a damn fool. Shit so good I almost forgot bout these crazy breakdancin' niggas in the parking lot. I get up, collect myself, shake the seasoning off my XXXL shirt, and head outside. Now there's a crowd gathered and shit. Niggas already yellin' "Worldstar" as I walk out. I ain't bout to embarrass myself so I defer first round to them, like a gentleman. One of the homeys turns up some 80's breakdancing music from his Monte Carlo and this shit is on. I ain't gon lie, these niggas got moves I ain't never seen, not even in the joint. Bustin' moves in all four dimensions and linking shit like its Tekken. I ain't about to go out there with my standard moves (worm, baby freeze and 3-step) and get laughed out this parking lot. I panic, and tell these breakdance ninjas I need to go to my truck and get some medication real quick, for my gout. Uric acid ain't no joke, and these niggas gotta understand I can't be dancing around with all this gout in my foot. They acquiesce and I head to my truck, close the door and think to myself, "Suge baby, you from the streets. You can do 20-life but you ain't tryin' to live with the shame of getting yo ass whooped in a breakdance fight fo the rest of yo life." I say, "Cottam self, you right. Imma make these niggas my bitch, send a message that Suge Knight STILL ain't nuthin to fuck wit." Fire up that ignition and back the fuck out of the Tam's parking lot at full speed, swervin e'rywhere to take as many of these niggas with me as possible. Boom, direct hit on that nigga that was layin' down the beat inside Tam's, I know I killed his ass. But that other nigga too quick, he's back flipping outta the way and did a handspring over the bed of my truck. I had to turn around and go back after him. Finally he tripped once the music stopped and his flow got thrown off. I gunned it right at his ass, but at the last second he hits a windmill with the last ounce of energy in his body and got out the way just enough. I clipped that nigga, but I killed enough people to know he ain't dead. I made enough a mess to know the cops gon' be here any minute so I get the fuck outta Tam's and take off. So after the scene I caused and the disruption to Tam's business, I figure the least I can do is leave them a Yelp review. I mean, I woulda given them one star after having to kill a nigga for nearly ruining me with his dance skills, but that chicken sandwich was THE TRUTH, and those waffle fries made me want to confess all my sins to Jesus, so I had to bump that rating up to three stars. You know a restaurant on point when you'd come back to the scene for another sandwich after a hit and run.

Keep it trill, Tam's. I'll be seein ya when I get out on bond.

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One Hundred.