Here are a few of my favorites. Imagining them delivered in his halting/dead-pan style always makes me laugh out loud.
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless."
"When someone hands you a flier, it's like they're saying 'Here you throw this away."
"An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an 'Escalator temporarily out of order sign,' just 'Escaloaor temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
"I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would be angry if she heard me say that."