>with this i mean being so strong willed that you are not >willing to compromise, being so independent that you show no >vulnerability at all(build up walls..etc). what i was trying >to say is i think it takes more strength to submit than it >does to be combative and belligerent. and when i say submit >it's not unanimous with being passive and controlled. sort of >like..its harder to open yourself up to another individual >than it is to just close down and isolate yourself >emotionally.
>oh, but we are not talking about 'any man' here. we are >talking about one that you trust as well as you trusted your >father as a child. not to liken being a wife to being your >fathere's lil daughter. >but, i dont blame you. for the longest time, just the thought >of sharing my complete self with someone outside of >myself(this man) to the extent that we mesh on all >levels..well, that frightened me and i never thought i'd go >there. surface relationships were much safer.
right...i see what you're getting at....
still, when i hear women putting things in those sorts of terms, it's like "flag on the play!!!!!!". i realize that that's a trigger i have.
i think it sets me off because so many ppl have gotten into the habit of playing surrogate parents to their significant others. you have to be wary of where they're coming from.
some guys don't know how to be anything BUT some kind of father/husband hybrid...dysfunctionally speaking. they don't see how to stand as a man in their own right and support/provide that way. there has to be this authority. and when you *don't* need that, they wither. they don't know how to behave outside that context.
in turn, many women have not healed that wound, so they perpetuate the behavior.
>i dont mean to imply that women should be 'raised' when i say >guide or enlighten or protect or teach/lead. but even when we >are all the way grown, we still have alot of growing and >learning. men and women alike.
again, i agree.
it may be the terminology that messes with me.
i also have biases when it comes to the nge...so i'm very careful about finding out what a man means when he says certain things (see my response to ya setshego below).
i've found a lot of those brothas cover up some very antiquated/sexist attitudes with pretty words/gestures. not cool.
>>this is VERY opposite of where i am in my >>thinking/relationship...and my s.o. is involved w/ the >nation >>as well. > >we find that there are differences within the nation.
that was DEFINITELY something i had to see/learn. 'cause here--unfortunately--you get exposed to a lot of power-happy clones. it can really mess with your perception.
>>either way, i'm glad you're happy/secure where you are. > >thank you, and likewise.