90. "aw...u didn't have to answer" In response to In response to 83 Mon Oct-24-05 02:21 PM by LexM
i just intended some food for thought...but it's all good.
>However, It aint where you from.... Like I said, I got 3 >daughters, and I'm looking to THE FUTURE.
and that's good. but you have a different perspective from many.
for some, even having baby girls doesn't change a thing. and if they don't have any *yet*, well....
>>and white girls have issues, too. trust. > >hUH? Who doesn't?? I think you got me twisted, I think Sistas >understand US more... What white woman is gonna grease his >scalp, or sing along with him to songs from 'The Wiz'??
LMAO i hear you tho.
>Not so. I have known him for about 10 years now... All of the >woman are not the same, by far.
ok. that's cool. just putting it out there.
>>do they want a thug 'cause they were *raised* by one (an >issue >>rarely discussed) or because that's what's "cool"? > >Good Question.
there are some "pimps" out here raising girls. i think people forget that.
>>what's the general culture of the area where he lives? > >We live in the South Suburbs of Chicago...So Whatever that >tells ya. But now you're telling me that Black folx are >geographically biased to have healthy relationships?? Come >on.
well i'm not from there, so it doesn't tell me anything.
and i'm not saying "geographically biased", but every place has a different culture. what's seen as "acceptable" in the northeast isn't necessarily what flies in the south.
yes, that requires a certain degree of generalization, but it makes a difference. hell, i notice marked differences between brothas in baltimore and those in dc.
>27, granted most of the woman are this age or younger.... so >may it be a maturity issue??
that's what it sounds like.
a woman who has HER own might not be so worried about what the next man has or how "thugged out" he is.
being obsessively concerned w/ such superficial/material issues smacks of someone who hasn't come into her own yet, but who is trying to find it thru another.
i'm not saying that's EVERY case, but....
>(even "grown folks'" spots) and/or steer away from random >>meetings and join w/ a group that shares his >>interests...something like that. > >Can't meet a quality Sista without an entourage, hmm......?
lol just saying that in joining a group, (a) you have something in common, (b) it's a non-threatening, no-pressure environment, (c) it's more likely you'll get to know the person over time.
>See, these Sistas are scared off either before, or after like, >the first date. He arrives with a rose, or some token... they >call him weird, and stop answering his calls.... some of the >women I've talked to say, "Oh, he trying to hard. Chivalry is >dead... I ain't trying to get all serious like that.... One >chick ran after he got her flowers and a card on her >birthday... She was young, however, you get my point. >Seems like some Sistas can't realize when they are being >respected, revered, or recognized.
well, some younger ones might not "get it" for various reasons. one of which being they haven't come into their OWN womanhood enough to know they deserve such things. a 30-yr old woman** with a good head on her shoulders would probably be more appreciative.
but i digress.
he *may* be trying too hard. lol...god knows i've come across *that* brother. but me being who i am, i'll take the time to say, "yo...i don't need all that. relax" and go from there. some women aren't *that* self-aware and/or have the kind of confidence to go beyond the "norm".
from another perspective, it can be percieved as low self esteem.
and, depending on what you're used to, being "nice" might = "getting serious". there are a LOT of assholes out there. plus, if you've only seen dysfunctional relationships in your life, pain = love. comfort and true caring is uncomfortable.
there are a lot of factors.
(**age is only noted as a reference point. there are plenty of 40yr old sistas out here stuck @ 16, and some 25yr olds who are closer to 40. i've always been about 5-10yrs beyond my chronological, so i'm coming from a different angle)