I am so tired of this idea floating around in the Black community that for some reason Black women (or Black men, I guess)are hating on love, I mean genuine, strip you of your skin, heart-to-heart, soul-to-soul kind of love. If you are in LOVE with someone of a different race, I can't tell you nothin' but go 'head. With that said, I am one of those "sistas" who looks twice when I see a White woman with a Black man. I wonder if she really loves him, if her parents know about him, if she would truly consider marrying him, if she approached him in the first place because she was curious about the rumors of his sexual prowess, if she's ever called someone a "nigger," if she, 50 years ago, would have slept with that Black man and if she got caught, would she have cried rape, and watched him be lynched.

I wonder these things because of the volatile, often violent relationship between Black and White in our society. It's sad that sometimes love can't even avoid being politicized, but in this country, Black and White is always political, and anyone who doesn't understand that is just ignorant.

But while I wonder things about her, I also wonder thing about him...like, has he been influenced by media standards of beauty, if they have children, will he let her bring White barbies into the house, so that his bi-racial, curly-haired children can get an early start on a self-hate complex, does he know about the social connotations that stem back to slavery where White women represented freedom and status, whereas Black women represented slavery and poverty, has he truly asked himself these questions and is he absolutely sure that his "love" is in no way influenced by the media, history, or a White supremacist society, does he hate himself and not want to look at what reminds him of himself, his hair, skin, nose, his past.

I wonder these things because socialization, unfortunately, has a lot to do with the choices we make. If he is dating a White woman out of conformity to a White supremacist ideal, then I consider that a slap in the face. In that single gesture, subconscious or conscious, he is calling me ugly, stupid, and over-bearing. I am offended by that, and think that I have every right to be. However, if he is at peace with himself and his Blackness, and is dating a White woman because her soul is a match to his, because she completes him on a level that is beyond our earthly vocabulary, beyond our earthly bodies even, if the stars spell their names and the sun rises and sets in each others' eyes, then I can't say a damn thing, nor would I want to.

It's sad but I feel that the first idea, the fact that the socialization of Whiteness as beautiful and smart is powerful, probably explains most interracial (Black male/White female) relationships, which is nobody's fault in the actual relationships. Ultimately, I hope that we can all find someone who we connect with and can stay with, regardless of race and outside of political realities.

By the way, I am a Korean and Black woman with a Black and White fiancee. Won't our kids be cute?