thanks for letting me know the link was down ...It starts off ok, but quickly deteriorates later on...
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The following tips were contributed by Nancy Belk, an adoptive mom and a member of the African-American community. Input was also provided by members of AFT’s online support group for adoptive parents of children with special needs--emotional, educational, behavioral, and/or physical. For more information about this group, send e-mail to aftlist-owner@egroups.com.
If you would like to contribute to the Tip Corner, please let us know! Tips will be updated on a regular basis.


Tips for Interracial Families: Black Hair
Care

Many Caucasian mothers raising African-American children have
difficulty understanding what a critical issue proper Black hair care really is. Doing it wrong can seriously wound a child's self-esteem, racial pride, and ultimately severely impact whether she will be acceptable to the other children at school and other adults when she matures. This is because learning to "be Black" is a cultural and not a biological imperative. In other words, Black children learn to get along with each other one step at a time, so that by the time they are adults, they can become a support system to each other in a world that is sometimes very cold and hostile to African-Americans.

Combing and Cutting

Many Caucasian moms raising African-American children seem to
have trouble when the child or baby doesn't want to have her hair
combed. (I'm not sure why this is, since the very same mothers
wouldn't give in if their child threw a fit because she wanted
something else not good for them, like candy at the grocery line.)
While it may seem expedient simply to cut the child's hair very short, thus eliminating the need for the lengthy combing process, this will actually cause lasting damage not only to the child's self-esteem, but also to the whole process of becoming accepted in the Black community. To a white mother she may look just fine, even cute with that short haircut, but to other little Black girls and boys she is going to be talked about as looking like a boy. She is going to be laughed at, ridiculed, and avoided when it is time to play games, have silly conversations, have slumber parties -- you get the idea, I hope. Because to Black America, hair is a symbol of the pride in being Black, and to ignore it, or treat it like a burden is tantamount to treating the very fact of being African-American itself as a burden as
well. White culture finds short hair cute. Black doesn't. It's that simple.

A child who just doesn't fit in because her hair is "nappy" or
"looks crazy" or "like a boy," is going to grow up unable to relate to Blacks because she won't be able to participate in learning the lessons. This puts her at high risk of having to then have to find all of her primary friendships with white kids. This may also seem just fine, even very progressive to some white mothers, but it will mean that she always has to be the one who is "different," the one whose race is always an issue, the one who can't ever relax. This will cause low self-esteem and can profoundly impact her chances of achieving a satisfying and comfortable life.


HAIR is very important! And it is for all the reasons above that
any Black mom whose kid threw a tantrum at having her hair
combed would be as gentle as possible, but would nonetheless
continue with the task. Babies shouldn't be put in control of such a high-life-impact decision, and African-American mothers know this.

Matted Hair

African-American girl children often really aren't ready to take care of their own hair until they are 16 or so, and even then may use the help of their friends. The matted mess is common. She either needs to have it done professionally, or have her mother learn to do it, or have a Black friend do it.

Extensions

Hair extensions are available for around $40, a little more or less depending on geographic location. With almost no care at all, they will last up to six weeks before getting "nappy." At that time, the child can take them out (cheaper, but requires some self-discipline on the part of the child to stay on task until the job is done), or the mother can remove them, or the person doing the braiding can do it. If the latter, expect the process to take around four to seven hours.

For people inexperienced with hair extensions, the big (thick) braids are the best way to start, as the small ones get entangled with the natural hair and are quite difficult to take out unless you know what you are doing (and even then it can be a chore).

Extension Care: Wash and wear. Spray the hair daily with oil
spray, available in a spray can by TCB, or use Braid Spray in the
pump plastic bottle. It's sort of like using hair spray, very easy. Both are available where Black hair care products are sold. Other than that, just a little smoothing in the front is all that is necessary. To make the hair look especially nice, use some Black hair care gel, in the little plastic jar. There's a brown kind and a clear yellow kind, and there really is no difference between them, despite labels to the contrary. They all flake a little, and if it is used regularly the child will
have to wash her hair--easier now, with extensions. Gel should
definitely be used for church, or programs, or the like. It doesn't really matter to anyone, white or Black, if it is used for school or play.

Finding Professional Black Hair Care

There are several options for paying someone to do Black hair. If a friend is enlisted to help, she should still be paid, just not as much as the beauty salon (which, by the way, must be a BLACK beauty salon). The easiest way to find a "friend" to do a child's hair is to look for some other kid with great looking extensions, say in the store or at school, and then talk to her mother. Ask her where she got her daughter's hair done. Ask if she thinks that person would be willing to do your daughter's hair. This process of word-of-mouth is the accepted way to find someone to do Black hair when you don't have anyone in mind. Everyone in the Black community does it all the time. Ask how much her friend usually charges, because it's considered bad manners to ask the friend (it's just a Black thing).

Price is determined by asking your referral how much she paid, and then, since you don't know this lady and she does, you might kick in a few extra bucks.

The Natural

If you decide to go with an Afro, i.e., natural, the easiest and
cheapest way to comb the hair each day is as follows: Wet the hair thoroughly each morning under the tub faucet and then wrap it with a towel. After it is no longer dripping, put a few drops of vegetable oil in your palms, rub it in both palms, and then rub your palms all over the hair, pressing down to get the oil in. For scalps that are sensitive to hair products, corn oil, safflower oil, etc., work fine and will leave hair soft and without an odor.

To comb the hair, use a metal pick (used to be called a cake
cutter), which can be bought from Meijer. Systematically work from the ends to the roots being careful not to hurt the scalp or have too much breakage. Comb the hair straight out all the way around, and then shape it lightly by patting it gently with your hands. Finally, tie a scarf on it ever so lightly.

Great Books for Kids

A wonderful book to read to your daughter is Cornrows by Camille
Yarbrough (available at Amazon.com). It tells all about how
different braiding designs tell stories, and how mothers and
grandmothers continue oral storytelling traditions during the combing and braiding process.

Another great Black child hair book is I Love My Hair by
Natasha Tarpley.


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"my mama said/a lady ain't what she wears/but what she knows"~~India Arie

KizzMyBlakAzz: you've made yourself a shell
KizzMyBlakAzz: i know you're soft and gooey on the inside
LHoney17: I know I am....never said I wasn't
LHoney17: but that doesn't mean I get stepped on or that I'm not strong
KizzMyBlakAzz: Gooey
LHoney17: lol
KizzMyBlakAzz: Caramel
KizzMyBlakAzz: Center
LHoney17: lol....well that's a nice way to think of it
KizzMyBlakAzz: with like a hard choclate shell
LHoney17: think I'll put that in a personal ad
KizzMyBlakAzz: You're a Rollo
LHoney17: lmao
KizzMyBlakAzz: lmao

"Ignorance: The Verbal Airborne Disease" (c) my friend Ty

"Quentin's on his way/Quinton's on his way/Quentin's on his way/with another J/and it's ok!!/(we're gonna get high!!)" ~~Pharcyde

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