In sharing my views i have been blessed with additional information from several other people- here is a list of books they suggested

they called it

a reading list for Well intentioned "Whites"

I havent read any of them though and cant vouch for their quality. Read them if you want- but my only encouragement is that you be more aware of your
own cultural history and not that which has been imposed on you- most importantly understand that they are two very different things. If you need
confirmation of anti-racist views then these will probably suffice but id much rather we all affirm the positivity of culture and ethnicity rather than
focussing on invalidating racial classification. Realizing your cultural heritage will break down racial classifications well enough on its own.

k

ps- this post in its entirety is what i delivered upon the afforementioned "White Girl"- I havent heard from her since- i wonder if she's working on it or has resigned herself to remain white.

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The Wages of Whiteness : Race and the Making of the Working Class by David R. Roediger (Paperback - January 1999)

Making Whiteness : The Culture of Segregation in the South, 1890-1940 by Grace Elizabeth Hale (Paperback - June 1999)

Displacing Whiteness: Essays in Social and Cultural Criticism by Ruth Franken berg (Paperback - October 1997)

Playing in the Dark: Whiteness and the Literary Imagination by Toni Morrison (Paperback - August 1993)

The Possesive Investment in Whiteness: How White People profit From Identity Politics by George Lipsitz (paperback - June 1998)

White Lies: Race and the Myths of Whiteness by Maurice Berger (hardcover - 1999)

White Reign: Deploying Whiteness in America by Joe Kincheloe (paperback - March 2000)

White Women, Race Matters: The Social Construction of Whiteness by Ruth Frankenberg (paperback - November 1993)

Whiteness: A Critcal Reader by Mike Hill (paperback - August 1997)

Whiteness of a Different Color: European Immigrants and the Alchemy of Race by Matthew Frye Jacobson (paperback - September 1999)

Towards the Abolition of Whiteness: Essays on Race, Politics and Working Class History by David Roediger (paperback - 1994)