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well, my father was in the home until i was a senior in high school.....my parents seperated and then divorced....but my father was in the home, but not actually there.....the relationship between my parents was internecine, mutually destructive......my mother was dominant and selfish.....my father passive and weak......he failed as my protector, from my mothers destructive anger and the sexual abuse afflicted on myself, my brother, and my two cousins by his brother.....when the wrath of my mother's anger came down on me, he stood and watched in silence....when i named his brother as my abuser, he stood in silence again, not believing a word i said, instead he believed his brother, when he said he didn't do it.....and believed his daughter, the seed formed from his own loins to be a liar....matter fact he still has a relationship with his brother to this day....so i grew up believing that men were weak and that they don't protect you.....i still have trouble putting my trust in a man, because of the fear that they won't protect me....that they will stand in silence and watch another ravage my vulnerabilty or ravage it themselves.....to be honest, i will probably not have a relationship with a man beyond friendship.....the thought of trusting a man with my vulnerability till death do us part, scares me to death....because in a marriage the wife must be subject to her husband.....i have to submit my vulnerability to my husband and pray that he will protect it with his own life.....and that's not a chance i am willing to take.....i have learned to protect my own vulnerability and to find strength in it.....i look to know one else.......
peace in love, philia
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