(This is gon be real long) I know back in September I told yall about mal’s mouth getting him hemmed up at the state fair back in ’08. For yall that don’t remember, here it is:

http://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=8&topic_id=1577598&mesg_id=1577598&listing_type=search

Anyway, I don’t want nobody thinking that was no isolated incident. In fact, its dang near a pattern with this nigga. Let me give you a quick example:

It was the late June / early July ’06, and I went to go meet mal at the local Lifetime Fitness to try to get this thick nigga back in shape. Anyway, after some strength training, we go downstairs to the basketball court. Who do we see down there? Josh Howard. Now keep in mind, at this point, it probably hadn’t been more than 2 weeks since the Mavericks had lost to the Heat in the Finals. (As a quick side note, this was one of this wishy-washy nigga’s noted sabbaticals from Laker fandom, and he was riding for the Mavericks HARD at the time, so he was still salty at them for losing) Yall remember how the Mavs lost? They took games 1 and 2, and games 3-6 they settled for j’s and let Wade kill them going to the rack. No inside game at all. Anyway, Josh was in there showing out for all them white suburban kids, and especially for them young, nubile suburban white girls who were gathering around. I must admit, Josh was putting on a shooting clinic…shooting jumpers from 4-5 feet beyond the 3 point line and was draining em. Every time he made a shot them white girls was ooohing and ahhhing and Josh was eating the attention up, grinning and cheesing the whole time. Anyway, as usual, when this cat mal is upset about something, he tries to blow it up into a socio / political issue so he can hide his emotionalism behind some “black pride” type stuff. mal looked at me and said “Look at this SAMBO, COONING for these white folks!” I could see it in mal’s eyes, he was about to start some mess with Josh Howard. I said “man, lets just go shoot around at the other end of the court.” Well this cat Mal cant ever walk away, and all of a sudden mal goes up to Josh and real loud says “Yo Josh, we already know you can shoot the rock, but it seems like to me you need to go get 11 of your friends and get to work on some defensive drills and practice going to the hole!”

Understandably, Josh got heated…the wounds from losing to the Heat were still fresh, and mal pouring salt in em. Next thing I know, Josh yells out “WHATCHU SAY?!?” and they were in each other’s faces, so I separate em and mal get to talking about “look fam…I was just playing…but you don’t want to do this…if I whoop you, you lose. If you get the drop on me it aint nothing but bad publicity for you and you STILL lose(which is trick made..how you gonna talk bad publicity after you start somethin)…so the best thing for you to do is go back to entertaining these white folks.” Then mal wants to start talking about how he punked Josh Howard. I was like “Nigga please, he just heard the logic in what you had to say, and realized he was in a no-win.” To malachi’s credit, he did swallow his pride (this time) and apologize for starting the situation and they gave each other some dap, brother-hugged, and from that point forward they were cool…fist-bumping whenever they saw each other, being semi-workout partners and whatnot. It turned out okay…but the whole thing could have been avoided if this Bible-totin’, scripture-quotin, W.E.B. Dubois and John Henrik Clarke reading, Fertile Ground listening to, lecture-attending, museum going-to, ultra judgmental, contradictory, feelings-catching nigga would learn to shut his mouth.

Anyway, this is the most recent incident that I know of. Let me take you back to the early 90s…

One time mal got into it with Dallas Cowboy center Mark Stepnoski in the parking lot of a custom clothing store. The Cowboys had just won their first Super Bowl of the 90’s, so mal was probably 22, and I was like 18 or 19. I don’t remember how it got started, all I remember was talking back and forth, and pushing and shoving. I do remember that Stepnoski was very inebriated. I’m not talking about a little drunk, or a little high…Stepnoski was GONE…talking crazy, stumbling, all that. Now If yall don’t know, malachi has always been a stout dude, and when he was a younger he was a good athlete. At 22 he was 5’11 probably about 245 pretty hard pounds. He always had strong legs too…decent speed, could leg press well over 1,000 pounds, and could jump and grab the rim of a basketball goal with both hands. Saying all that to say mal is a pretty big dude, and Stepnoski being only about 15-20 pounds heavier than mal, and in no mental or physical condition to tangle, mal got the best of him pretty easily. Stepnoski had no balance at all, and Mal chunked him all over that parking lot for 2 – 3 minutes. (okay more like 30 secs, but fights always seem longer than what they are)

From that point forward mal thought he was the baddest cat in town. At least 2-3 times a day, he had to tell somebody “I know you heard I had to throw these ‘act rights’ on Mark Stepnoski, right? Yeah…he got to running his mouth and I dropped these ‘mama don’ts on him…he’ll be watching his mouth from here on out though…”

*****FAST FORWARD A COUPLE OF MONTHS*****

Mal and I were showing a cousin of ours who was visiting from Mississippi around town. We had just shown him where Kennedy had gotten shot, Reunion Arena, the West End, etc. We were starting to get hungry, so we went to Pappadeaux over on Oak Lawn in the Uptown area of town. (This part of town has a huge gay population…an important detail) Even to this day, any Pappadeaux you go to in town is going to be pretty crowded on the weekend, so we go put our names on the waiting list…and we’re waiting outside with a bunch of other patrons. All of a sudden, we see a professional bodybuilder with another dude. Mal used to be all into buying Muscle & Fitness and FLEX magazines, so he recognized dude right off the bat. We shake hands with him and talk for a bit. Then we realize that the bodybuilder cat is ***WITH*** the other dude. Who do you think starts making derogatory remarks about them right in earshot? You guessed it, the resident okayloudmouth, malachi…talking about “I CAN’T BELIEVE this cat is GAY…hugged up with this other dude…etc.” Again, this fool will not shut up…and the bodybuilder cat decided he wasn’t gonna be too many more “punks” and “queers”, and he told mal straight up he better watch his mouth. Mal didn’t even give him the dignity of looking him in the eye, he was like “Sissy, PLEASE, I ain’t worried about you…” He was just about to launch into his Stepnoski story when gay bodybuilder dude SNUCK him with a right cross that DROPPED mal JUST LIKE THIS:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2o7A3rMN6Co

We were just about to jump in it, but the still woozy mal says he’s going to take him “straight up”. (pause) This diesel white gay dude TATTOOED malachi with 2-3 vicious body shots, but mal hung in there and was blocking his shots until his head cleared. Mal had 2 things working for him:

1. Our Pops taught us well and mal was decent with his mitts, he’s surprisingly quick with them and he’s always been heavy-handed, too.
2. The gay bodybuilder cat was muscle-bound and was telegraphing his punches like mad.

Mal got his bearings and he was landing some jabs and the white cat was missing wildly…then mal threw a haymaker that landed squarely on the white dude’s jaw. White dude dropped his hands and LAUGHED in mal’s face. Mal reached way back TO AFRICA and hit the white boy again in the jaw with a shot that made him take a step back, but STILL didn’t drop him. Mal was more stunned at this than when the white boy first HIT HIM. I hadn’t ever seen Mal hit nobody that hard and the cat not fall…and he hadn’t either. He was frozen right in front of the white dude just like this:

http://www.crackerhammer.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/fetchit-126x150.gif

Gay bodybuilder caught mal again with a shot to the ribs and then landed a right- left- right combo to mal’s head that put him on his hands and knees. It just so happens that mal grabbed some dirt or sand or something and threw it right in bodybuilder dude’s face. Cat was instantly blinded and pretty much defenseless. Mal was landing everything he threw…shots all over this dudes head and face and he STILL WOULD NOT GO DOWN. The only thing that made it look respectable was that mal caught him with a bad-intentioned shot right to his nose and blood was everywhere. Mal hit him with one more shot to the face…and FINALLY he dropped down to one knee. After the fight, we get in mal’s car and head home. First stop light we get to, passes out asleep. I have to put the car in park, we wake mal up, put him on the back seat, and I drive home.

We get home, helped this fool get out of that Hilfiger rugby shirt and Girbaud jeans, and made him take a shower and go to bed. In hindsight, we should have took him to the ER, because I KNOW this fool was concussed. This happened on a Friday night, and this cat didn’t wake up good until mid-day Sunday. All day Saturday, this loudmouth nigga didn’t eat or nothing…just slept and every 4-5 hours got up to drink some water, take some aspirin and pee. Yall should have seen this nigga…his whole torso was bruised up…his forearms, biceps and shoulders were bruised up from trying to block the white boy’s shots. His hands were so swollen, his fingers were as big and thick as smoked sausages…and his face dang near unrecognizable. If I didn’t know what happened, and somebody told me that this wasn’t malachi, I would have believed it was somebody else. Fam looked like Martin after he fought Tommy Hearns…check the 7:30 mark:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBQcstOqd44

When my Pops found out Mal fought a gay cat, and he saw all that blood, he made him go get a AIDS test the first thing the following Monday morning.

I’m telling yall…it’s a wonder I aint been shot hanging around with malachi as much as this cat’s mouth has got him in trouble. I can’t even front though…that’s my nigga…LOL

"MY FOOD FOR THOUGHT SO HOT IT GIVE YOU DUDES ULCERS."
JAY Z