spectacular
that's the word he used
spectacular
but now when i listen to him say that word
it breaks up and comes apart and sounds like something else
spectacle, you liar

and i get angry

who does that?
what kind of person?

its like trying to figure out the mind of a serial killer
cause yeah, im pretty sure he's a serial killer

he was so good at it all
he had to have done it before
repeatedly
to many

he knew i had
come from hell
and was basking in my
heaven
he knew i was enjoying
my post traumatic beauty

even tho
he knew my feet were spread apart
most of me was on the come up
while one foot still tip toed in the darkness
of my pain
i was smiling but still
clutching the autopsy report to my chest
and watering graveyard grass with my tears

i saw him in a vision
killing me
after of course
i had handed him the weapon

trying to figure out the mind of a serial killer
is like trying to figure out my own
it all comes around right back to me

to me with these fkn antennas
i shoulda kept covered
and this fkn heart
i shoulda tucked in tight
and this fkn
poetic ass
deep ass
real ass
soul
i shoulda kept to myself
.................................................

ralphie told me
a long time ago
that i.always.survive.
and he was right
khris tells me all the time
that i gotta special kinda way
and he was right
my mamma wont let me forget
that i am like the moon
even when its dark, i am radiant
she's right
i am

@asiaradiant