Hinge
(.4; something on which a subsequent action or outcome depends; Encarta Dictionary)


he tells me:
“u a runner”
“u can’t be honest”
“u ain’t woman”

that i contradict myself
i need to “spruce” it up and stop flirtin’

he pimps me at parties
makes love to me good…
cooks potatoes and eggs next morning

and then i say
“i need time to paint”
he say
“paint”
then he asks me when is he gonna see me?

i’ve spent friday thru sunday in his bed.

monday i catch up on laundry and my so called life
and i was s’pose to “paint” on tuesday
but he need me

so

i guess …i’ll create on wednesday

but

he need me

gonna have to work out my creativity on thursday

but

i find myself standing ona subway platform trying to get to him
as soon as i can

come friday
come friday…my soul ain’t in it…and saturday is his time
although i say
“i need a lil’ time”

and we agree (in principle)

so… tuesday and thursday i begin to find myself

when we meet up he asks me … “am i seeing someone else ”?
and I wonder

where he thinks i have time to see anyone but him?
nonetheless …i answer honestly and sincerely “no baby”

i’ve not seen myself in so long

not seen myself in so long

….but i see him all the time and my stomach aches
he says “be myself”
yet heels turn him on…dresses and such
but i like “being” funky rock star
running ‘round like i do

he say
lets talk…but i never hear a sound
come
outta my mouth
there’s a tense grin
and i fear the right to have an opinion
i close my eyes and listen
to the music while he drives me home
but he has much to say…
about
how i don’t act right
don’t treat him right
don’t forgive enough
ain’t there enough

how i just don’t cut it no which way

yet…he miss me like crazy
can’t be trusted…but he miss me like crazy

so


i leave
good lovin’

i paint
i eat …WELL, but miss his potatoes
i leave
i paint...and see myself for the first time
saturday
i get up and work out, do the laundry, head out for a long walk into the city,
smile a lot
grab my favorite hoody and see a movie…come back and
paint

sunday

sleep til noon,
read essence
and oprah too, and smile
my thighs feel sturdy and my jaws don’t tighten
take a vitamin…work out
and i paint

beautiful things like what love really feels like
and
the surface of the universe

months go by and i forget
my hair has grown 2 inches
i laugh a lot
sometime i stay in just cuz
and
sometime i go out for the same reason

and i forget
how
to
get down
to someone else’s groove
but my own.


Kimabe2005

if you didn't define yourself for yourself you'd be crunched into other peoples fantasies of you an eaten alive.

audre lorde