talking to ppl on the fone for the first time
being concerned about folks

sending $ to help pay for long distance bills before cell fones and land line pkg plans

i remember sending bday cards and presents

and crying

and births
& deaths
& graduations
& new jobs

& new hair do's

i remember blakyukon// whom i adore
i remember being too overprotective of orangeloni
i remember not liking giovanni & vitamink but respecting their words to the utmost

meeting mindful and morpheme and paperdollpoet and giovanni and lexm and tha anthology and guerilla love and timid grape and incogx & lyric & goldenwon & the memories that have come from that
& even tho the contact and the energy isnt there w/ all of them...
the love is.

mindful and i went to mcdonald's in the bronx....and i was like UPSET that i cldnt find my chapstick, and it was fucking freezing...and im marching around for a duane reade to buy another one...and we went to go eat, and i got chinese food...which i threw away, b/c i dont even like that shit...and we saw some scary ass movie that had me fucking terrified...b/c i dont even like scary movies...and we took pictures...that i still have

i remember most morpheme making scrambled eggs and me just looking...and she saying girl u want summa these eggs...and im like nOpe...i only like my eggs fried...hard...but, she made some crab salad that was out of this fucking world...and i remember vividly calling her one day after i hard read 'tumbling' and she and i going on and on over who would play ethel when they did the screen version: me or her

paperdollpoet...what i remember most is her voice. just her voice.

giovanni/lexm/anthology....i remember from the poetry reading at yogi...and i'm like all these ppl really live in the same place

guerilla love....we were at the poetry show...she comes up to me and introduces herself...and im like 'oh my God!!! You're white!!!" it was funny.

timidgrape...i will never forget him and my brother washing collard greens at my kitchen sink. or his eyes. what eyes.

incogx...i wont ever forget having sushi w/ him at this restaurant and watching a lakers game...and im like..."fuck the lakers" and he's like WHOA! what do you mean? and im like, excuse me we're from NY...we live in NY... we are NY'ers nigga...whatchu talking some LA LAkers???? and my heart was broken, b/c like the coolest nigga on the planet was not only a bulls fans, but a lakers fan....and i never wanted garnett to whoop ass so much in my life

lyric...and i are in brooklyn....eating some good ass trini food, and outta nowhere she's like...i like ur shoes, but dont ur feet hurt? lyrci like some voodoo lenny kravitz woman

and goldenwon and me riding thru north carolina...my stomach huritng so fucking bad and this girl is like....well maybe u have gas...do you want me to pull over? and im just looking at her like...girl...i aint got no damn gas...but it was funny.


i remember 'lilies'

i remember loving toejam...absolutely

i remember thinking hottlykefiyah was like years upon years younger than me just to find out we the same age

i remember destineyz flamez before she was one of my best friends

i remember talking to noni for the first time like...we are too dope to not be friends

i miss reflect....a lot.

ratpackslim and muse were like wondertwins

i remember crushes

i remember blaksilence, and the first time i spoke to him, and the last time too.

friends lost and gained and loving from a distance
and chapbooks and break-ups

man o man o man

i wont forget lei's poem about toys r us at xmas time and her mama, b/c my mutha used to work at toys r us too at xmas time...and it makes me sad thinking about it

or noni's poem for the little baby raped or the one for her nana

or aeon's poem...that i have saved before he was aeon

or toejam's shit about abortions or vitamink's "effect"
...lemon to my sugarwater....still the best line ive ever read from anyone

or giovanni's freaknasty ass poetry he used to write...altho im such a bigger fan of his new energy...cant wait to see THAT in print, b/c its bigger than this board

and amina...who i still aint talking too write now, but i love to death

and lil_one_comm....so dope...so dope...lil miss rashida

and hunuh....love him love him...so proud when he graduated...cldnt believe how much he looks like a rockstar..love him

and
damn.

this shit is too long now.

i just want chu to know
how i feel
how i feel