i loved this piece.. very clever and powerful.. i esp. loved the reference of the bible.. the only thing that i wasn't really feelin' was, "brightest brown".. i couldn't see it.. like in the beginning: "he makes me blush the brightest brown".. i couldn't see that.. my only suggestion for that line (and you don't have to take it if you don't want it.. 'cause this is just my opinion.. it's not fact..) "he brings an orange blush against my brown skin".. i figured that 'cause i've seen pictures of you.. and you're a beautiful sista.. you have kinda' an orange-brown complexion.. just a suggestion.. but the rest of this piece is very beautiful.. i am very proud of your growth and always look forward to readin' new work from you.. be easy..

-----sig starts here-----
interested in buying my chapbook,
"Transfer"? Just visit http://myspace.com/alanking81

or

http://myspace.com/bustransfer
(see what people are saying
about "Transfer")

"I used to walk through the valley
like Psalms 27"
--