Step one - you have to have been born sometime before 1980. Sorry player, to be "OK" you should at least be old enough to have a drink with ?uest or Black Thought.

Step two - you've kicked it in the underground East coast rap scene for five years minimum. Rocked show after show for little to no dough, and if you were lucky opened for The Roots once.

Step three - you've been an okayplayer lurker since 1999, have contributed to many posts, and have been one of those kind of cats people do "so and so appreciation" posts about.

Step four - you parlayed your name and minor level of fame into an independently released single that with the luck of the Gods got some buzz on the net and with college radio. Rawkus called.

Step five - you do a single on Rawkus with Shabaam Sahdeeq (I know he sucks, but all Rawkus artists must do it) and the die-hard fans praise the beats and the raw eagerness of your flow.

Step six - various OKP's will respond to your single like "Dag, isn't that so and so from the boards?" and someone else will say "Yeah I saw Duke open for The Roots once, he was aight."

Step seven - as luck would have it, The Roots next an extra roadie for their fifty-eight stop national tour, and they remember you from the time you opened for them because someone in the crew heard your single. They call and offer you the gig.

Step eight - you work your ass off on the road for nine months. You're constantly broker than Angieeee and living off the Chinese noodles that ?uest leaves in the box because he just came up with an ill track idea and went to the tour bus to write down on paper. Speaking of the tour bus, you sleep in that.

Step nine - every single day you're on the road with The Roots you leave a weblog entry at Okayplayer.com chronicling the chronic whining from people that Malik B isn't there and why nobody can find a copy of "From the Ground Up" in stores; not to mention your back pain from lifting that heavy ass drum set.

Step ten - somehow during all this time you managed to get together with Black Thought in the studio because he thinks you're cool peoples for helping them lug all this shit around, and you recorded a four minute track which he approves for Rawkus to release as your next single. Mad heads love it.

Step eleven - you get off tour with The Roots, hyped about the hotness of your new single, and suddenly Rawkus cuts you. Sorry, they say, we're promoting that thug shit now - Kool G. Rap and Jinx Da Juvy and Cormega. We've got no time for that earthy shit - go to MCA and be an Okayplayer.

Step twelve - depressed and dejected, you drop offline for six months, and all the Okayplayers start leaving posts on the boards like "Whatever happened to..?" and wondering if you got lost in a cheap bottle of Boone's Apple Wine on some darkly lit city corner.

Step thirteen - you get off your ass, decide the depression ain't getting you anywhere, and enroll in your local city college determined to at least get a two-year degree. With free internet access in the student dorms, you find your way back to Okayplayer and are eagerly welcomed in like a prodigal son.

Step fourteen - UrbanCowGrrrl's stunning success on Bluetorch TV has made her a national star, and she's suddenly too busy doing appearances and writing a tell-all biography to moderate anymore. She nominates you to take over and they have a secret Okayconferenceroom vote with folded over little pieces of paper that a bored ?uest has been turning into paper origami birds.

Step fifteen - after announcing her retirement, you're given your official (OK) and welcomed onto the staff. Now you can work your ass off for free all over again while struggling to finish your degree and wondering if you can find time to hit the road with The Roots the next time - whoops, it's finals week!

Peace, Flash

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"Besides, what is beer but steak in a glass?"
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