I'm in my mid 30's. Single. Got a daughter. Live in Toronto. Middle class now. White. Been around gay people all my life...my sister....my best friend....my aunt.

Living with a roommate now. Throughout the week, on various days, we take care of my daughter (11), his daughter (7), his lil sister (10) and his lil neice (4). There's a few more babies, kids and teenagers from his family that spend time here too. I met my roommate through hanging out at bars and doing music. I'm kinda subsidizing his shit right now. But he's not just sitting around the apartment doing nothing...he has 15 siblings and does his best to take care of his family members. I should also mention here that 4 of his yonger siblings are openly homosexual.

So here's the rub.

I think I got a complicated crush on him.

I've never been gay. Never been close-minded about it neither. But I dig chicks. Hips, tits, butts and voices. I have done enough porn searching in my life to KNOW what I like and I KNOW that I'm heterosexual. So my crush is not sexual. It's more a lifestyle thing....the way he is with the kids. The way he is with my daughter. The way he is when I'm in a bad mood. The way he IS.

Full disclosure....I'm effing his sister. And she is the mother of one of the kids that we take care of occasionally. She's dysfunctional and is about to start a substantial prison sentence in around 3 weeks. 8 years. She wants to enlist me to be her conjugal visitor. It's kinda awkward with my roommate cause for awhile he knew about our thing but pretended he didn't.....yah?

So finally, I built up the nerve to tell him that I was kinda confused about my feelings for HIM. I had suspected that he might be closeted.....he is a tiny bit effiminate. He had already confided to me that there were various situations in his life where people questioned his orientation. This is a sore spot for him.

But I went for it anyways. He didn't seem too uncomfortable when I said it. I think I was alot more nervous than him. I got the feeling that he felt the same way that I did. We talked about it like adults and agreed that it would kinda be like a chore or something forced to actually engage each other in a sexual/physical way. I got laid three days later and realized how easy it was to be attracted to woman. I didn't even really like her but the mechanics worked PERFECTLY.

Life is messy.


Edit: Life is also anynomous on the internet. Thanks for reading.