This is Jim Nantz's script for this morning:

A certain multiracial super-ho prodigy has immersed himself in an energizing pool of liquids that has been augmented with sodium. He has also relinquished the despair of losing his trophy case jawn-partner in the revelation of his super-hoedness. He has taken up bedding a fearless daughter of the cold powder sports of the northern tribes. She too, has energized him, helping him regain the steely resolve that characterized his youth.

He has arrived at this special, secret place where empire builders dine on mayonnaise sandwiches and discuss their latest rounds of usury.

Will our hero be able to overcome the comely sons of Glasgow, Blackheath and Carnoustie?

We shall soon see.

There is a goatee, and he stalks his blondes, stroke for stroke.