That shit was awesome, as was the 7 day cruise we went on for the honeymoon. Then we got home to drama & bullshit.
Some of you know I’m in the process of getting custody of my sister because of said bullshit.

It’s going OK so far, but dragging time wise. What’s insanely apparent to me is the difference in my sister. The first home they put her in was fucked up. My sister was acting out, and the foster parents blamed her for all of it. I figured she exaggerated some things, but when they put her in the second home, it was a night and day change. She doesn’t even *feel* angry. No behavioral issues whatsoever. She feels happier then she has in ages. The FP just treats her well, gives her her space, feeds her (which was a major issue both with my mom/ her dad and the previous FP) and the home is quiet and calm and there’s no drinking going on 24/7. She’s doing far better than expected.

It’s also obvious how much she has lacked over the years. We went to IHOP for one visit, and she had no clue what to do with the menu. She was highly concerned about the cost of her meal because she was worried about whether or not we could afford $9. She was worried a $4 burrito at Taco Bell one day was too much. In years past she never really took me up on invitations to restaurants, the movies, etc, so it’s not as though the opportunities weren’t there. I remember feeling the same way as a kid, thinking people who could go to Denny’s were rich and all. She was kind of disappointed we couldn’t get her a Christmas gift, but I explained we just bought her bed ($500 right there) to get her room started and her eyes lit up.

The most recent court date was troubling though. The lawyers for my mom and sisters dad recommended overnight visits and weekends, unsupervised. I currently have no say in any of that. There’s NO way that should happen. I know for a fact they still drink heavily and the environment is identical to the one that generated this whole mess. The judge didn’t accept that request but determined that reunification services would be given. This is after the judge acknowledged the long ass history of this bullshit. She’s been in 4 drug treatment programs that she never completed, been arrested handfuls of times , ALL alcohol or drug related. She lost 5 kids and reunified with only one before having him removed soon after for more drug activity (he’s now bouncing from prison to county to mental institutions).

Hell, Christina was removed at birth due to meth in her blood stream. She was the fourth of my siblings (4 of the final 5) removed at birth for that exact reason. WHY the FUCK are they still trying to work with her and giving her more chances after having 11 kids, two SIDS deaths, all but one going to foster care at one point or another, and 23 documented years of the same bullshit over and over again?

Further, they recommended an inpatient drug treatment program for my mom, and in court she was all up for it. She gets home and tells my other sister there’s no way she’s doing that because she won’t get to see Christina (the one in foster care). I mean…. This is indicative of the whole damn problem. Anyhow the overall process is going well but the holidays were a bad time for getting shit done. Once I have her in our home though, my wife and I will be fighting tooth and nail for legal guardianship.

My brother hung himself on Christmas Eve, but was found in the bathroom before it was too late. He’s all kinds of fucked up right now. He’s on some GTA shit with a biker gang (Vagos) wanting to kill him for suspected snitching, an affiliated skinhead group that happened into the situation during a fight, a latino gang trying to kill him for allegedly killing one of theirs (that’s a mess all by itself and connected to the Vagos situation). It’s real, real fucked up. He’s burned all of his bridges, barely eats, sleeps wherever the fuck he can. He told me he just wakes up and walks in one direction until he can’t walk anymore, turns, and does it again. I hate this situation and I love him to death but there’s no way I’ll have him around my wife and daughter and I know he and I will come to blows at some point. I tried as much as I could for a long time and gave up for good a couple years ago after getting burnt one time too many.
I’ve given him cash a time or two, bought him an mp3 player and whatnot but that’s where my involvement ends.

Anyhow I talked to him for like an hour last week and talked him into finding a halfway house or SOMETHING and he finally got into Christian men’s home. We can’t talk to him for 30 days I guess but hey…. So long as he’s safe and in an environment that can actually help him, IDGAF what the circumstances are. I’m incredibly thankful for that because every single days since Christmas Eve I’ve been waiting for a phone call saying he’s been murdered or killed himself. Just a real heavy burden on my heart and that's been pretty hard. Then I think about Radin, and I’d kinda like to beat the shit out of the next person that says “kill yourself” to me online, but I digress.

It was such a fucked up postweding letdown, in the holiday season no less, but there were definite bright spots through all of it. We got my daughter a little Elmo table and chair set. I’ve never seen a kid like chairs so much. She sits in a kids chair and this smile of contentment and joy is unlike any smile I’ve ever seen on her. We also got her a small play tent that she loves. I got my wife a juicer and a Kindle Fire and she’s ecstatic. I got… lol I ain’t get shit but a 17.99 Playstation Plus membership which is fine. I’m just happy to have my own family and watch them enjoy themselves over the holidays. My wife dealt with all the bullshit like a champ and when I went through like two weeks of increasing frustration and just vocalizing every feeling of anger and pain and resentment she just listened and let me get it out. I think in years past I’d be a complete wreck right now, but today not so much. I’m still kind of fucked in the head because it just keeps piling up but I’m holding it together remarkably well in context of the circumstances, and my wife and daughter are 80% of my ability to do that.