It's been five years since my grandmother passed. Somber October. Every time October comes around now, there's a void that reappears and I have to try and conceal it; apply make-up and smile knowing full well my heart is bursting in two. The other night I swore I heard her calling me or a flicker on my tv. screen signaling her presence. She was sneaky like this, I'm sure she's still around somewhere. Sometimes, I wish I could still dial her number; 718-...-.... and hear that raspy voice of hers telling me, "I love you sweetheart. Here's a kiss" and kiss-blow into the phone as if I were right there next to her.

It's been five years...

five years and I still ain't over it.