you can post your own entry



.





10/12 (10:37 A.M.)


I'm trying to become the greatest writer ever. And I know as I say that-

that it's impossible.



But it's hard to settle for anything less.


...


I'm up to my ears in Dostoyevsky (No spelling error. He spells his name seventeen ways), Dickens, Tolstoy (same no spelling error) Balzac, etc, etc, blah, blah.

I feel like in order to be great you have to master the greats.

I haven't read a 'new' book in ages.

I appreciate your ambition, keep writing.



10/12 (15:30 P.M.)



Sometimes Im understood. Ninety percent of the time I'm not.

Its hard accepting that people just dont understand you might have that something special..... if only they could see past stereotypes.

Music is an art, art is an expressive form, would Van Gogh be, if not for what he was, 'nough said.

> would Van Gogh be,
>if not for what he was


i've had this argument before...

are you saying that had Van Gogh not been mentally ill, he wouldn't have produced the art he did?

i'm into biographies. i know that the majority
of the artists we consider great were either mentally unstable and/or suffered immensely.

does that mean that in striving for greatness, we strive for insanity/suffering?


i'm asking more for me than you.

well lets look at our own modern day "van gough" Michael jackson ask the question again?

One suffered from a clinical mental illness and the other seemed to be merely mis-managing the repercussions of a traumatic childhood.

Not to mention, the difference between pop songs and canvas art.

Michael Jackson (rest his soul) is clearly the greatest entertainer of our time. But genius...?

I don't know.

I know people get stabbed for not liking Off The Wall..

but genius...?

eh, I don't know.

striving for greatness, or "carnal specialness" is the paragon of illness. We are one with god, and to think that we can be seperate is insanity to the max. We are all insane to this degree, until we wake up and realize we never left and there is no such thing as insanity. Isn't that insane?

But on the level of form, my friend Robert is a genuine schizo, he's in his late 40s, his mom pays all of his bills, he never bathes, is a total societal outcast, has his mom buys him male prostitutes and is one of the most gifted painters I've ever met. I would put his work up against many of the so-called greats. The man is an artistic genius, but a total reject at the same time. I think he's wonderful and people are buying his paintings for like 2 and three thousand dollars here in New Orleans. I wouldn't be surprised if in 25 years people were paying $100,000 or more.

second paragraph is what i mean by 'genius'

and all of the things that come with it.


can you have one without the other?

>second paragraph is what i mean by 'genius'
>
>and all of the things that come with it.
>
>
>can you have one without the other?

Yes, you can be genius, and NOT be crazy.

But first, you have to decide your definition of crazy and normal.

I think it's european (aka western) culture that promotes the idea that in order to be a genius, you have to be crazy. European culture promotes the idea that in order to make great art, you have to be on drugs.

Due to tens of milleniums of cultural training, the avg person of Afrikan-descent is artistic. Most of us Afrikans are not on drugs. Nor are most Afrikans crazy.

Also, consider that european culture tends to approve only a few kinds of personalities. Afrikan culture accepts a wider range of personalities (similar to how hiphop accepts many genres of music). So, european culture would be quick to label certain personalities as crazy. But Afrikan culture would be like, "Oh yea, he just likes walking around without shoes. It's actually endearing. Walking without shoes, it's so freeing, ain't it? Hate to get my feet hurt though..." And then we leave it at that.

{E}uropean culture is into tragedy. Afrikan culture is into comedy. (See a quick proof of this here: http://www.jalumi.com/class/csu/Two_Cradle_Theory.htm) So, europeans would hype up whatever artists that have the most tragedy in their bio's.

And don't forget that a lot of those great artists, are only great-er cos of hype.

Afrikan culture encourages its citizens to be in touch with thier emotions; so, in making art -- be it on the genius level, or average level -- it doesn't take much for most people's of Afrikan-descent to access the emotions and the mental acuity that it takes to make (great or average) art.

{E}uropean culture, on the other hand encourages their people to bottle up, and be emotionally undeveloped. So, they only open up when they are on drugs or something to the effect of that.

As for Black artists like M. Jackson, notice that whatever issues they have occurred in a western upbringing. Most (great or average) Afrikan-born-and-raised artists, tend to be very balanced human beings.

>i'm into biographies. i know that the majority
>of the artists we consider great were either mentally unstable and/or
>suffered immensely.

Lookup the cultures that such artists belong to. It's usually european (i.e., western).


>does that mean that in striving for greatness, we strive for
>insanity/suffering?
Again, no. To be great, you do not need to be insane. Nor do you have to suffer in order to be great. There are a lot of ppl who suffer who are not great. Matter of fact, a lot of ppl who could have been great, are robbed of their potential greatness by unnecessary suffering.

It is typically not the greatness that causes suffering. It is other stuff. For example, if you think Che Guevera is all that, it is not his suffering that made him great. Same thing applies to Tupac: People didn't like what Tupac was saying, so they off'ed him. Tupac's intellect made him great, not the fact that he got shot on 2 occasions. Lots of ppl suffer, and get shot, but they are not considered great.

Which is not to say that suffering cannot make you a better/greater person. But note that the same suffering can kill another person. So it's more about the person's ability to make the best out of the suffering, if humanly possible. There are certain sufferings that cannot humanly be made into something great.

And just cos ppl don't understand your vision does not mean you are crazy.

>I feel like in order to be great you have to master the greats.
Is it really YOUR opinion that those people are great? Are you SURE it's YOUR opinion? Given the fact that we are currently raised to respect hype (instead of substance), then I say that if you cannot take your favorite "great" artist and logically criticize them (without the use of "approved" thoughts on the artist), finding things you agree with, finding things you DISAGREE with, then you cannot claim that you think that artist is great.


Somewhere in all of this is your answer.

without realizing that my whole statement was:

>i'm into biographies. i know that the majority
>of the artists we consider great were either mentally unstable and/or suffered immensely.



If you look at that, you'll see that when I ask 'can we have one without the other?'

I mean greatness without suffering. (Mental illness being a form of suffering.)

And it was largely a rhetorical question.


You said:

> Nor do you have to suffer in order to be great. There are a lot of
>ppl who suffer who are not great.

This is true.

But I ask you to name one 'great' person

who has not suffered?

Just one. Give me an example.

(And although your grandmother may be quite the great person, for the sake of confirmation, try to name a recognizable figure in society.)

Remember, I said mentally ill and/or suffered immensely.

I think you forget to remember that struggle and suffer are synonyms, slightly distant ones, perhaps, but synonyms.




I won't address the Egyptology / Black Panther / Garveyist cant to your whole reply because I don't believe that a person who adores self knowledge
(as I do and as you appear to) could honestly believe that mental attributes can belong only to one culture...

like we aren't all humans before we are a culture/color...

like there isn't a such thing as genderless, colorless greatness...

across the board genius and sanity...

like the flaws you addressed aren't individual based rather than things belonging to some
large collection of people connected mostly by physical likenesses.




European or Afrikan,(God, Heru, Black Man, whatever you choose to call yourself,) we're all human. Just because ancient whites (and some modern)
chose (choose) to ignore this fact doesn't mean we should be so ignorant.

Surprising as it may seem, though culturally different, our ideas of sanity and genius are all relatively the same.

A man with shit on his head is a man with shit on his head.

A Chinua Achebe is a Chinua Achebe.

European or Afrikan.


....................


pardon my taking so long with this reply

busy sht.

ultimately those who believe that their body act as flags for what team there on lose sight of the fact that they only get to hold that flag for so long---
what is this experience but to take in everything around us
and further more
for those who believe in re-incarnation
perhaps we all get a chance to experience the different hues of human over the path
or perhaps greater than that we are everything over an endless chain of lifetimes
or maybe we don't get to keep what we have here as our mind
and its sprinkled into many beings
like an exponential experience

moreso the games that are played and lines that are drawn are to keep us as a world busy to stall the inevitable return to evolutionary stage where our bodies act as transmitters of cosmic energy which in turn allows unlimited experience between energies without the physics of this incarnated plane

if you do your homework most cultures have a gnostic principle containing ancient stories of our fall into this form of manifestation

and those that keep us there are hoping to control the benefits of such a playing field
but life is not a game it is a path on a step towards more

one

and (scientists have known that what we think about alters our brain muscle and synapse connections) i think that in order to piece together the clues that can help us think further and experience more we have to let go of the impositions imposed on us by culture while weaving a tapestry of individual truths found in all cultures and further more in all things including that which is not human to begin with

our wars, conflicts, and defeats at each others hands have sidestepped any true victory causing us to believe the greatest lie, that the beings around us are not experiencing life by being alive, that talking and culture are the only forms of sentient life and only in humanity
and that it takes more effort to evolve then it does to stop evolution
when in reality the exact opposite is true

all energy is experential, imprintable, impactable, transformable,
and indestructible

and only the seekers of each culture come to realize while their alive that more is out there
while the rest play out their roles in the story book they were placed in
and secret groups meet trying to convey our lives as being judged according to principles that do not connect us to our true nature
of free flowing thought that can exist in more ways then we as individuals are raised to believe

seen

but to do that

would mean that i'd be ignoring a lot of gems.


and as 'tarot card' as your words seem,

there isn't one single thing that i can refute.


to be frank, this angers me a little-

because i think that this means that i'm becoming boho / conscience.


:(



i feel like i need Ms. Cleo or Dionne Warwick right now

because everything you said made absolute sense.


it was like thought on a different / higher level,

or the world seen through the eyes of a thinker.


i appreciate that.


but wtf yo


i need an ankh tattoo now

you don't know how often i get that
lol

like method man on that new blackout tho
"kids think they hard, but i think harder than they think they are"

Hey! I have one of those...

but my train of thought runs on a different track, so I'm not even gonna touch the rest of this.

the more knowledge you have about things, leads to greater responsibility...
its up to you to convey it...
pass it, it express it and to set the example



<~~~~~Stephanie (rolled outta bed) 5'8 hzl eyes curly hair

visible/invincible loses/wins!

your/my visions/thoughts have/havent stayed the same/changed
~hearing/speaking the same/opposite~

come from!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you do need me never

to be great, except yourself. you just have to appreciate the contributions that came before you....boring ass tolstoy-I cringe.

i'm just that kind of reader tho.

i'm picky.

book-wise, i only like classics.

if i want a new classic,

i'll try to write it.

that's what i'm doing here.


real reading. real replies. it prolly won't catch on. i don't expect it to.

people on here are already looking at me like i'm the old nigga in the club
with the kriss kross jumper on-

one strap down, one pant leg up,

like i got on polka dots and a gumby-


biker shorts and a BBD button.

i swear i feel like i got my shirt on backwards, buttoned up to the top,

my pants the same,

and i'm walking backwards toward the camera in slow motion
(talkin' bout miggity miggity miggity mack daddy and sht).



but as long as i do my part,
i'm clearing my conscience.

i was wrong before. i'm admitting that sht and trying to amend it.

the life blood of this board is real reading and real replying. and i'll do it.


you don't have to. but if you don't, that's on you.



if you're in GD like you never heard of the freestyle board,

like your original name

wasn't frankincenseheadwrapmoonstarjonesthebohopoet@blackplanet.com -

like your whole style wasn't birthed here,

that's on you.

i'm clearing my conscience. i'm giving back (in every way)



if you feel like you've out grown the board, you're published (i'm published too, that's really not an excuse), etc.

that's on you.


i'll do it.

i'll look like the nigga standing on the corner with the sergio tachini suit on-

a columbia rain suit and timbs-

i'm an asshole

i can take it.

I pause Dickens and read Notes From Underground with Gucci in my ipod

i'm a dickhead.

niggas' opinions don't move me.

so, if you gotta protect your 'cool'...

protect your cool.

If you just don't fuk with me...

just don't fuk with me

but take that one line to heart.

give back to the board that started you.


if you don't

for whatever reason

then that's on you

i'm clearing my conscience.



.

yeah blak, but you must be the old *duke* on here if you remember exactly what KrisKross were wearing...lol

wearing their clothing backwards? come on now...

---------------------------------
somebody you love needs a letter
from you ©my fortune cookie

http://absolutelyflawed.wordpress.com
http://www.lulu.com/content/132318
http://www.lulu.com/content/7598631

my nigga Lennox came to school (elementary)

dressed head to toe like kriss kross.

the girls went Crazy.



At lunch, we were standing in line to get some butter crunch cookies
and chocolate milk

and the lunch lady asked:

"boy, what in the world are you wearing?!"

He didn't reply but you should've seen his face.

He leaned his head back like:

"bitch, if you only knew. I AM DOING IT RIGHT NOW."

jump jump kris kros was the best shit ever to hit shelves from dupri's factories

*Commendable* ... and most appreciated! -- :D


U R Appreciated, blak ... *No Doubt*
\

therefore i don't come around looking bite heads off anymore ... my daughter could post here ....and maybe posting here.....i comeback only looking to be inspired by youth .... and old heads ... but ..(to be continued)

word...things done changed

word to having daughters too

still trying to light up the god/dess fire...


read a book on psychology of women today
turns out my experience of women doesn't match the stats
makes me want to
reach into my mind and pull out the vision

but all i can do is try to let women know i feel the opposite of what this book tries to tell me is a norm

damn though
they should really put a positive view next to every negative

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy
than a success at something I hate
-george burns

www.daveyd.com

straight

"To be a poet is a condition, not a profession."
- Robert Frost


http://www.lulu.com/content/187759

http://www.hdfest.com/Barry/allreviewsbarry.html

My Sports Blog http://wishbonec.wordpress.com/

I'm tired ...
No!
I'm exhausted ...
And I still have 30 minutes to go ... :(
But while my compadres & comadres go for a quick happy hour ... to start the weekend "early" ...
I'm stoppin' by the mall and let them lil' Chinese people beat the shit outta me in that funny chair -- (massage chair)
Then I'mma go by the Sam Goody record store and find summthin' in the Clearance Bin -- (an oldie of some sort)
Then I'mma get me a wheat grass shot from the health food store ...
Oh yeah ... there's a sale going on at Bath & Body works!!!!

I'll be good as new --:D


Friday can't come soon enuff!!! .... TGIF

stronger than before. he has it in his mind that anointed oil and holy water will "cure" me. i've been instructed to obtain a bottle of each from the bishop at the House of Prayer stating that i'm a child of an Elder in Savannah, GA. i'm not too sure i feel comfortable purchasing my "cure" in bottles prayed over by a man i do not know. i'm also not too sure that this is for my benefit than it is for my father's peace of mind. although i fancy my father a wise man, a comforting man willing to aid anyone he can; i believe he is acting on whatever spiritual forces that are moving him and not what has been laid on his heart. we spoke last Saturday. i've not been to see the bishop yet. i doubt that i will ever go.

---------------------------------
somebody you love needs a letter
from you ©my fortune cookie

http://absolutelyflawed.wordpress.com
http://www.lulu.com/content/132318
http://www.lulu.com/content/7598631

all cures originate in the curing of our own heart of the soul
why search for someone elses approval only we can heal or free our minds
n/m

So ....
If you had been to every kinda doctor/specialist ... had every kinda test ... took every kinda treatment ... swallowed every kinda pill ... and you were still sick with (whatever) ... and someone told you about this miracle mud with all kindz a' minerals that pulls poisonous toxins from your body and infuses your pores with healing properties ... and let's say it cost $200.00 per mudbath ... Would you try it?

Bear in mind you've done everything you can possibly do ... The doctors have tried everything "they" can ... so you're on your last leg just waiting for the Grim Reaper to scoop you up!

It couldn't hurt anything but your purse~strings, right? And you can't take it with ya, when you die ... so ...

You might even need at least two to three treatments before you even feel anything ... so that'll be anywhere from $400-$600!?!! But if you live a better "quality" of life ... (MAYBE LONGER-MAYBE NOT / BUT MOS' DEF' A BETTER QUALITY FOR HOWEVER LONG) ... would it be worth it?

I'm just asking :9 (maybe playing the Devil's Advocate / maybe not)

I thought we were talking spiritual cures here---
if anyone is looking for physical cures
I suggest these things:

Travel

Spend time in ocean water

Contemplate your composition (being made from earth, air, water, and electricity/fire)---remember that these things are everywhere and feel the blessedness you are

listen Positive music (i like bob marley and tracy chapman when I'm trying to heal)

Believe in yourself, apologize to yourself and others for your faults
then accept error for being errors made out of learning not evil
and focus on the treasures you receive being alive through experience---dealing with pain allows focus on joy
Spending time with animals
Talking to trees and other parts of the world you usually ignore
all living things have the potential to help you heal

If you are dealing with digestive issues:
Vegetarianism
Colon-cleansing
Eat lots of ruffage

For everyone it's always good to occasionally take part in
Detoxification
that means not drinking or doing drugs
and drinking lots of water
although I would suggest deflouridated water if possible
Eating vegetarian

If you are dealing with liver issues
I would suggest milk thistle, and wheat grass in the morning

If you are dealing with heart issues I would suggest:
CoQ10
Expression of feelings
Refusal to dwell on anger or frustration



More serious diseases can be dealt with using these 3 things!:
Ozone therapy
Blood electrifiers (Dr. Bob Beck's blood zappers)
Colloidial Silver

Then to clear up things in your energy self:

Orgone amulets
Chembusters

Labelled water containers with words like love, healing, and other positive written words on them, as it has been proven that water changes shape when charged with thoughts
sounds weird i know dont bother if you don't believe in it when you write the words
they will soak up what you feel the word represents

This evidence in water is really important in cluing us in to the power of positive thinking!

Nag Champa

SWEET GRASS to smudge yourself when you feel negative, and your dwelling and surroundings, to clear the space


Reflection and acceptance
(that means rehashing all the pain we've caused and been through
and the joy, crying and then letting go, many times physical pains are created from mental ones)
Spending time under trees
Reiki
Tai Chi
Meditation
(the last three can be done with guides but again for the most part have to come from the self)
Prayer but again this should be done on a personal level without expectations to express love hope sorrow regret and joy
Salvia if you are looking to commune with the other side to do spirit work
(it's non-toxic so it won't affect illness negatively and legal atleast here in canada)
even burning Salvia divinorium in the same room as you has healing properties

Again it all boils down to healing coming from within
and positive thinking
refusal to die and unfinished work and learning
the statement "I am worth this life"
combined with the willingness to explore

(none of the things above include proving to someone else that you are holy enough, or pure enough, all of these things include personal work).

father's suggestion, I'm just stating I haven't been yet. I may not go. I've so much else going on, trying to find the time to go and seek a Bishop I'm not familiar with and invade him with my situation just doesn't sit well with me.

I'd try whatever I could if I felt the need to do so; if I was *that* weak. At this moment, I'm not; my blood levels, etc indicate otherwise tho.

and i don't mean to sound like i'm saying not to go to a bishop or spiritual leader..

i just meant to say theres alot you can do from home

whatever is ailing you i wish you the best.. mind'

preciate it.



10/17 (2:46 P.M.)


i'm watching the Oklahoma vs. Texas game.


6-6

3rd quarter.

yea.

es⋅o⋅ter⋅ic

1. understood by or meant for only the select few who have special knowledge or interest; recondite: poetry full of esoteric allusions.
2. belonging to the select few.
3. private; secret; confidential.
4. (of a philosophical doctrine or the like) intended to be revealed only to the initiates of a group: i.e. the esoteric doctrines of Pythagoras.

-------------------------

I think it's true that my work is esoteric in the sense that the more interested in these topics you are the more things are apparent by what I mean, the 2. and 3.<---I'm working on at all times trying to get the message out that the 4th. is a self-initiation into whatever mysteries the guide in you might have...

interestingly enough,

knowledge itself is an esoteric concept
as it holds no set definition as the existence of knowledge
can never be completely true when we all are biased
perhaps it is better to call emotion or vibe
rather than knowledge
and to each of us what holds true is made of something concrete
and abstract
and that is what magic and music is all about
i can listen to someone from across the globe and feel there heart and soul right there on the track
the vibe is what lives in me rather than the knowledge
and those that define this world into repetition are the select few
by which knowledge is bred
yet those who are willing to make unlimited what is limited by device rather than structure
can complete something towards capturing the infinite state of existence
something which is at best loosely grasped or slowly gasped and exhaled

Truly esoteric is all I can be in the ways that are limited to initiates
perhaps into themselves, if they can gather the sand
yet.
the verse i write is all about the evidence of something
perhaps too beautifully complex in the background painting our reality to put one word to
but in essence each day I wake up, this is my world
the world where I dwell and inherit vibe from
to promote a sense of knowledge in my soul
too attain incarnation or manifestation into something clearer
which draws images from a bank where they hit the shore
I truly believe that connection to nature
yourselves
memory
emotion
and the ph around you is all you really need in life to find the doorways to much more than what is sold as concrete in this world
and perhaps then you can reflect on my music and think wow I need to tell someone, the vibe beneath this..

whatever it was to you

that's what's important esoteric or otherwise
dig

i'm all over this post crazy.

it look like a fkkn war zone in here.


i blame Wildout.


(niggas don't do smiley faces. but if we did smiley faces,
then i'd put a smiley face right here.)


(then a pause.)


pause.

...


ah, i just saw 'the best part'. that's what i'm talking abt.

i swear i'ma shake this muhfkka til Ae drop out. Pres, invisible ink, truth, zin (stop peeking nigga), etc.


and if yall leave me hanging...

well then God don't like ugly


remember that. (c) my mama


...

i was going to talk abt how i sent 'behind me' to the
kenyon review

and how a professor told me to stop speaking in slang...

but maybe later...


gone.

When a child is violently killed, a mother screams. Death is a natural occurrence in every life, but to die this way, for a mother to bury a child’s mangled, beaten and broken body…well that is the most unnatural thing imaginable. It is happening so often in our communities and it must stop. We cannot place blame on any one group or institution. It is collectively a failure of society at large, when the youth begin to kill one another.

The killers, who are they? Where are they from? Who are they being raised by? Who is loving them, not loving them, angering them, neglecting them, rejecting them? Why are they so angry? So violent? So careless? So lethal? What kind of sickness is in the mind of young men who can pick up wooden planks and beat the life out of a young man they don’t even know, who looks like them, lives in the same neighborhood as them, comes from the same circumstances as them? What is happening in our society that can propel a 16 year old boy to pull out a gun in broad daylight and start shooting into a crowded street? What darkness exists in the heart and mind of an 18 year old kid that possesses him to aim his vehicle at a boy that was known to be loving, generous and kind, and drive as fast as he could, strike him, and keep going, leaving him to die in the street?

I would like to know. What do they listen to? What music? What television shows? What conversations from men in their lives? Who are their fathers, their uncles, their grandfathers, their role models, their guides?

So many questions. Will learning the why lead to a cure for this sickness that is infesting the minds of our youth. Shouldn’t we just get right down to treating the sickness? Isn’t the cure the same no matter what the cause?

I think it all boils down to one rudimentary need. Love.

The mother’s are screaming. I am screaming. I am screaming for individuals in our communities to practice loving one another. I am screaming for us to have the unwavering desire to educate ourselves and our children. I am screaming for us all to show our neighbors love, because left unloved, they may become sick and kill you. I am screaming for the men in our community to become the enlightened so that they can enlighten others. I am screaming for the women in our community to become nurturers and teachers and rescuers of the lost. I am screaming for adults to look at EVERY child they come across as a child that deserves to be noticed. When you don’t notice a child, he may grow up to become the murderer of your own child. I am screaming for the blindness, the deafness, the ignorance to cease. NOW. Ending this sick and twisted way of life we have adapted as our own. I am screaming that this is not our nature. We are sick and only we can cure ourselves. I am screaming! from the small town in Texas that has seen more violent deaths of black men under the age of 25 since 2007 then in the previous 10 or 15 years combined. I am screaming for every child killed and every mother of every child. I am screaming for every child that kills and every mother of every one of them. I am screaming but, my voice is not so big.

If our community of black entertainers were to start screaming, lots of people will hear. If our government and community leaders were to start screaming, so many will hear. If our ministers, from every religious background, group, organization were to scream, they will be heard. If the screams come loud and from those in power, there will be solutions to these problems. Real screams fueled by real concern will bring about real change. Speaking of change, if the president of the united states was to scream, plan and implement. I don’t mean a plan to bring the Olympic games to Chicago. I mean a plan to save the youth, in turn, saving our society. Then, possible, there will be a change that matters. And we will stand up and say, yes we can. Until the issue of the violence is addressed, our society will continue to fail and crumble. It is much more than one boy killing another. It is one force of nature seeking to destroy the other.

http://asiaradiant.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!F6D2E68BC62E809C!120.entry?&_c02_vws=1

Your finger is on the pulse of so many problems with our troubled children ... (Lack of Love being one of them) ... and your personal experience makes this even more endearing.

Glad 2 C U writing about this.


*Painfully True*

It's been five years since my grandmother passed. Somber October. Every time October comes around now, there's a void that reappears and I have to try and conceal it; apply make-up and smile knowing full well my heart is bursting in two. The other night I swore I heard her calling me or a flicker on my tv. screen signaling her presence. She was sneaky like this, I'm sure she's still around somewhere. Sometimes, I wish I could still dial her number; 718-...-.... and hear that raspy voice of hers telling me, "I love you sweetheart. Here's a kiss" and kiss-blow into the phone as if I were right there next to her.

It's been five years...

five years and I still ain't over it.

I know "exactly" how you feel ... (At least ... pretty much) ... My grandma's been gone OVER 5 years, but I miss her words of wisdom and her gentle foot massages.

She's the one who got me interested in massages in the first place.

Mos' def' a "hands on" kinda Lady... her touch was healing ... both mentally & physically! -- *sigh*


*I Feel U*

i feel your october.

5:55am

the impact happend about 90 minutes ago. i mean, 2 years and 90 minutes ago.

i felt it. i feel it. i found it hard, i find it hard to breathe.

by this time, i know he's gone. i mean, by that time i knew it.

it's all really fucked up. i mean it was.

but i'm a down ass woman. meaning i aint no down ass woman.

which means it didnt break me. it wont break me.

i'm southern. im deeply rooted in strength and spirit.

i'm south like down like tuff like resilient like...

amazing.

cause i aint crazy and i aint dead and i aint killed nobody yet. cause i aint a drunk or a junky or wasting away on grief.

cause i laugh and i dance and i sing

cause i have peace and i have joy and i have beauty and i have grace and i have wonder and i have...

love.

put up a current picture of myself on the music site for the first time after nearly five years

woah

www.soundclick.com/wildout

I like it

1) make sure that every word you use has a meaning, dont just put them in there to rhyme



<~~~~~Stephanie (rolled outta bed) five eight hazel eyes curly hair--stop switching me with that other chick

'bout to get off.


'bout to go to the gym.


'bout to work out for an hour'


'bout to strip butt neckitt and get in the shower


'bout to eat something with carbs in it


'bout to go somewhere where liquor and ladies are not strangers


..........................


sent 'behind me' to the kenyon review, the virginia quarterly review, glimmertrain,
ploughshares, etc.


i've got a pretty good success rate with the lit. mags

january of this year i got fed up with the fullness of my TextEdit and sent 30 pieces out
randomly (for the first time ever)

five of them were published.

that's not that bad. (i don't have any reference tho, so i may be talking out of my ass.)

funny thing is...i still got all 25 rejection letters tho.

and i'm keepin' em

AND i swear if i ever 'make it', i'm emailing ALL them muhfukkas back.

on some...


yea bitch, what now?


........................



to editors, professors, half ass critics...


when i type like 'dis', i'm at ease. i'm talking like my father. i'm talking like my cousins. i'm talking like me...

minus the suit and tie.


i'm a black professional.

i got two voices.

you don't like it?

suck my dick and die, joe.



that's all.

>'bout to strip butt neckitt and get in the shower


*skeet~skeet* -- :P


>i've got a pretty good success rate with the lit. mags


Kudos on ^that^ tip ... *Smiling Proud*


~Daps & Hand Claps~

That's admirable of you to keep yours... Hmm, you may be on to something...

I just hope you don't fall victim like those artists who pretty much killed themselves for not "making it" or being considerably successful during their time...

I'd hate that. I'd really hate that. Breathe man, you'll create your time.

------------------------------
"men are the new women"

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>I just hope you don't fall victim like those artists who
>pretty much killed themselves for not "making it" or being
>considerably successful during their time...
>
>I'd hate that. I'd really hate that. Breathe man, you'll
>create your time.


did you just say that you hope i don't kill myself over writing?


w.o.w.


this board, man...


i swear.

and "making it" with your craft.

------------------------------
blog|books|browse|buy
http://absolutelyflawed.wordpress.com
http://www.lulu.com/content/132318
http://www.lulu.com/content/7598631

i cant say her age, but she was 27 when i was born. and I'm her baby. I'm a grown ass woman now.

nothing but soft sht for her t'nite. rice and chicken, extra tender. oj with a lil bit of gin. watered down. luther vandross, and marvin gaye.

four generations under the same roof.

me and mamma dont have much in common. except our hearts with one less beat, and our wombs aching from loss.

she chills in the cut and watches my moves.
i don't know what she does with the information she gathers.

i chill in the cut, watching her moves. i'm like a lioness, she's like wolf. she howls at the moon. i creep silently at sunrise.
i look at her face and i see my mouth, my gapped teeth, my high cheek bones.

she never forgets to tell me how i'm just like my daddy.

i run to the mirror and see her face.

we talk, we sing, we dance. we love, we understand....we

relate.

she holds me when i cry. but i know when she gets by herself, she cries too.

but tnite. there are no tears. just love and family and good times.

we are a blessed.

http://waterdropletts.blogspot.com/2009/10/happy-bornday-mamma.html

jesus christ.


sigh.


i came here to talk about nanowrimo. / make a joke or some shit

but meh

i'm not even in the mood anymore.

links:

www.writing.com (couple of nanowrimo posts/contests.)


www.nanowrimo.org



jesus.

The first line, must cut through all doubt.

I live by these words.

I'm doing NaNoWriMo in three separate places (3 separate books).

I really only expect to reach 50,000 words by the end of the month in one of them.

I'll see though.




I found this quote by Henry Miller:


"when a da Vinci or a Dante or a Michelangelo seems, to the ordinary observer, to the average artist even, to be quite sure of himself, only the private documents, the personal statements, the private admissions of these men later reveal to us how tremendously they were concerned about things."


yea, pretty much.

the people I look up to are those who constantly question themselves, who consistently strive to better themselves, no matter where they stand, so if you

are one of those people who never doubts themselves, or are 100 percent sure in your art, or you think my uncertainty / drive is a weakness


then we are just two different kinds of people...

and this is ok.

has it's bonus points, and it's down points
for example
when it's years later and you haven't spoken
and someone is sending you weird emails that really seem written to the wrong address

well i guess that's life
theirs at least

this sounds kinda harsh
but people really are strange these days

Stretched 3 stories into 7.


I'm just not sure of which direction I'd like to go in yet.


I had a good idea to pick up at the ending of 'Behind Me' and continue on.


But fifteen paragraphs in and it's like....eh, na.



I don't know.


I know that once I decide though, I'll pretty much put the other ones down until later.



Reading Right Now: F. Scott Fitzgerald's Before Gatsby, The First Twenty-Six Stories

Ed. by Matthew J. Bruccoli.

This guy was amazingly hard on himself.

I mean, man.

there are some interesting nuggets littered about...







peace.
~~~~~~~~~

my hard head makes me learn shit the hard way - t.i.

my greatest enemy is my inner me - lupe fiasco

i saw pras on the streets not giving a fuck about nothing but where he was gonna lay his head and what he was gonna eat.

i woke up from a dream of watching videos that made my heart leap out of my chest and try to fly somewhere up north.

my breath stopped. i was choking and nobody was here to save me.

i wrote dam near 5000 words and deleted most of them in a fit. now i gotta relive/rewrite/re-go thru those emotions again. but this time, i aint deleting shit even if i think its shit when i read it over and over again.

i got one more night, then i can rest for however long my body wants to rest. but i know after four hours, i'll have to move.

i went over to my mamma's house to cry. i'm glad she doesn't ask me what's wrong anymore. she just puts a cold towel on the back of my neck and rubs my back. when i come up from the tears with a smile on my face, she no longer thinks its a strange thing. after all these years, she finally gets it. gets me.

i must have sneezed 7 times in a row. i was driving. almost ran up on the curb. fkn allergies.

all in all, today was a good day.

MY DREAMS ARE ON LIFE SUPPORT! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? :(

busy sht.


started and finished an album last night


called: "One Take - No Write: The Freedom MixTape"


first single called "Let The Horns Go" right here:


http://www.megaupload.com/?d=VKYE11O4



as far as nanowrimo,

i settled on one story and set the other ones down

my word count is 6,345.

i'm behind like sht.

http://waterdropletts.blogspot.com/


my life aint been easy
i was born into this real sht
with a pen in my hand and the world settling on my shoulders
i've been surviving all this time
its been 36 years....yes, 35 years and 10 months to be exact
now i'm living
i still have secrets
but not from me
my pen bleeds those secrets
they were in me first
so i know
i know
i know

The following is an excerpt written by momma when she was 18 years-old and caring for her newborn baby boy:


"As I am the mother of my first child, I know how much I love my baby, and how much I want him to be successful in life. I would like him to be strong, independent, and responsible in life. Most of all, I want him to be a man of his word (and finish school). I hope raising him the best way I know how will make him be the man I want and dream of him to be. What more can a mother ask for?"

Momma, I don't know what kind of man I am, but I hope to someday become the man you wanted and dreamed me to be. And I hope I made you proud before you left us.

I love you, momma.



"To be a poet is a condition, not a profession."
- Robert Frost

http://www.farrunningfatman.com/author/barry-dawson/
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I don't which mod anchored this, but I think you can take it down now whenever you get the chance.

'preciate it.

is this reverse appreciation i mean you started this and from his view it always is a gift to revive what travels far down a page to come back with fervor that said....

so i woke up thinking write till the dawn of the last day
then ask God to grant me the favor of describing
it all over again
in the life i would have had if my decisions were aligned with purpose
constantly...imagine that ok hold it now
write some more till the dusk of the first night
of the new beginning promised cause eternity was given when i believed
imagine that yeah wait hold onto the reality not perception
bring peace to the moment lingering a while
as i see this will never end...will it?

nm

i mean i like to breeze through and catch up with people take down the rules or something else ..

new books are boring...and they just regurgitate what the old grands said anyway sooo why not just stick to the source of all things literarily (is that a word?) great?