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Forum nameFreestyle Board
Topic subjectPhoto, I really enjoyed this
Topic URLhttp://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=7&topic_id=82243&mesg_id=82404
82404, Photo, I really enjoyed this
Posted by mindful, Wed Oct-14-09 06:53 PM
I think what's most impressive is that you took an old biblical tale and flipped it; straight up made it yours. I loved this, partly for the rhyme, but mostly for the way the story played out.

My favorites:

"Wait!
Excuse me?
Cut him in half?
So she gets half / and I get half?
You think that's fair?
No! No! No!
Give him to her ... I don't care!

She can feed him from her breast
Mother's milk ... by far the best
She can coddle him at night
Lullaby him til' the morning light

Just don't cut him up, my lord
He came from my lifeblood's umbilical cord
She can have him ... "whole" and complete
I'll suffer the loss ... It's my defeat

Oh?
Word?
You're givin' him back to me?
My sacrifice has made you see?
He "IS" my baby ... and you are WISE
Good judgement call... thru Wisdom's eyes ..."

this is damn good, really... *nods*

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