Go back to previous topic | Forum name | Freestyle Board | Topic subject | Photo, I really enjoyed this | Topic URL | http://board.okayplayer.com/okp.php?az=show_topic&forum=7&topic_id=82243&mesg_id=82404 |
82404, Photo, I really enjoyed this Posted by mindful, Wed Oct-14-09 06:53 PM
I think what's most impressive is that you took an old biblical tale and flipped it; straight up made it yours. I loved this, partly for the rhyme, but mostly for the way the story played out.
My favorites:
"Wait! Excuse me? Cut him in half? So she gets half / and I get half? You think that's fair? No! No! No! Give him to her ... I don't care!
She can feed him from her breast Mother's milk ... by far the best She can coddle him at night Lullaby him til' the morning light
Just don't cut him up, my lord He came from my lifeblood's umbilical cord She can have him ... "whole" and complete I'll suffer the loss ... It's my defeat
Oh? Word? You're givin' him back to me? My sacrifice has made you see? He "IS" my baby ... and you are WISE Good judgement call... thru Wisdom's eyes ..."
this is damn good, really... *nods*
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