okp, i'm working on the lp, aptly titled "the underscore"...and this is one of the many dozens of verses that didn't make the cut...critique

got kids i was blessed to see
the rest deceased
past laid to rest with me
the message beeps
no developments
arrested speech
count sheep
nah, i don't even invest in sleep
not even a wink
death just caressed his feet
as i run blocks
gettin full on infested freaks
and these biters like mosquitoes
that injested deet
they blow trees
sip on this texas tea
hypes compile their greatest hits
like a best of me
hate mail
addressed to me
i see no less than three
a week
address the beef
so threats'll cease
never, on mute
or the deaf could speak
please
i'll move ya chest piece
ain't talkin bout a pawn
leave you gaspin for air
ain't talkin bout a yawn
run up on you with the weapons
ain't talkin bout a con
and ain't worried bout jail
so i ain't talkin bout a bond
that's double oh eight beyond
years to come
blocks is hot
like they nearest the sun
and they can't walk away
so the fear is the run
when it comes to an end
so they hope it's a marathon
and they sprint
from the starting blocks
straight to the ticker tape
of their own garden plot
see me
i'd rather starve and rot
and throw jabs
waitin for the people guard to drop
i know
they'd rather see me
barred and locked
or stretched out, sketched out
scarred and chalked
you'll die hard
waitin on ours to stop
lord gave me the thumbs up
we waitin on cars to stop

if rhyming was raps youd be dapped to the fullest glory
i think ull still be getting better in the next little while though
nice flow

Really?

Well ...

Maybe I'm already biased about your work -- but I thought ^this^ was hella nice!

The rhyme pattern / cadence was slammin' IMO ... And the verbage was lava hotness --- But then ... I'm just a girl ... so what do I know?!?! -- *shruggs* -- :P



I'd be cuttin' and pasting that shit back together and throwing it down with some hellacious sounds -- (((Forreal Tho)))

another throw away...

i'm doin well, but well ain't well enough
the game loves me not, drop like rose petal cups
tired of the block, callin the pot, callin the kettle stuff
gotta get my pedal up, sell enough, level up
i settle up, tired of breakin bricks the hassle
warp to pipe her down, princess in another castle
caught like the last cold, gotta wrestle these rascals
toss up diplomacy, but, neva caught a tassel
it's gradual, didn't graduate, much rather traffic weight
grade neva add up, no matter what math you take
neva cross me, no matter what path you take
quack, it's wrap, duct not maskin tape
gettin slapped by harassin jakes, nickas clash and bang
cars ride past slow, turn, flash and bang
skanks with crabs and thangs, pedallers with hash and caine
look you could trap and slang, or stash and bang
i like grass and grain, sort of a health nut
just playin the hand society dealt us

i got lost then found in the vocab of wordplay, OH YEAH(!!!!!)
nice flow ~

I am an oxymoron
-xxx