another installment for me...cause it is TABOO

i looked outside myself
seeking approval no doubt
i glanced in the mirror
but found only a reflection
the noise, distortion
conflicted emotion
all looked back at me
wondering wandering a maze
of make believe
puzzeled just for a moment
i digress
planted seeds still grow
no fertile ground
no water no affection no culture
barren soil deep within a mindfield
beneath the turmoil it seemed
no life would come from this
still like a thin blade of grass
through concrete here am i
i did it again
even after she touched me and made
me feel whole, i choked him
squeezed and strained till vains popped
there in a sullen slumber he lay
waiting anticipating me
seperated nothing between us but exhaustion
i watch fantasizing
waiting for him to get back up
touching the moist often dispised fluid
i sniff, the air pungent yet sweet
engulfed in my own madness
vulnerable yet gaurded
will i ever stop?
do i really want too?
i get immense gratification from pleasuring him
today i found noone outside to relate
but today i talked to me
and that feels good...