i almost squeezed the life out of him again
this vicious relationship
founded in resentment
sometimes rage and fear
caught in a maze of deciept
a self imposed prison
i choked him until he lay there
no more strength to fight
while i found an unnatural pleasure
from attempted murder but it was not me
it couldn't be me that liked it
one day he showed up I reached
out the first time cause he was there
and i felt comfort from him
yet since then, a struggle it has been
to keep myself from this feeling
i bury myself in fantasies
or when i am with a woman she sometimes makes me forget
all about the sordid affair i have with him
i don't like knowing this so i have never written a word till now
i wanna stop but it is something that burns
and i yearn for cause the pain of it feels so good.
how do i stop what has become so acceptable now days.
i hate this i wanna stop doing it but i always find my way back to him
so i write this to remember the moment this moment when i really
just want to be normal and stop this i gotta stop
i just want to love and be loved like everyone
without having to rely on what i get from holding him
we are so close and then there are times when i think him
to be my worst enemy
how do i admit it feels good to choke him to the end of his last breath and then let go just before death?
i guess i just said it...now what? does it stop?
here he is now i can't resist
wait i'll be back later...