73163, I liked this Posted by spades, Thu Apr-03-08 02:35 PM
especially the repetition - on that, I think you can omit the "They tried to" from the preceding stanzas after the 1st line. I think it will be just as powerful, and will make your language more precise.
On the positive side, I really LOVE the rhythm you develope here, and the metaphors and similies are clever and on point too.
Thanks for sharing.
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