Today I saw the gurl of my dreams …well maybe not my man dreams but my childhood dreams ….okay let’s back up to how it happened …so I’m lumbering in the grocery store today not really looking for anything in particular ..just you know trying to randomly run across shit that I might need in the house …I had already gotten strawberries, bananas a pizza and ½ gallon of ice cream and a bag of frozen fries … shopping like a bachelor cause wife’s not with me …I look at two (three way) light bulbs you know the jaunts that click to different light intensities in any lamp …(if you don’t know you might want to get up on them jaunts) but anyway I picked up the light bulbs and I was moving toward the front of the store to check out… I turn the corner and there she was on the front of her mothers cart … no I’m no pervert … I looked this lil gurl in her eyes and she took me back 25 years in a glance … I thought to myself damn who does she look like …then it hit me Lolita!!!!

Lemme tell you bout Lolita …but before I do I have to give you the history …. as a 8 year old a boy is not sure about a lot of things in life but he is sure about one thing what kind of woman he wants in his life … now we are talking about the late 70’s early 80’s two dirty kids growing up in the projects of a place that cloaked it’s racism like VA … meaning it was evident but not shown in the aggressive manner to which it was in the south … but don’t get me wrong a forty~five min. drive would get you lynched … but not a prevalent in the inner city where we lived …although it didn’t take me long to find out the meaning of those three K’s on the barn through the woods behind my house… and I don’t know too many eighties babies that can say they witness a cross burning .. these sights and sounds will all come into play as I tell you about Lolita.

Call me color struck …. My mother never favored fair skinned people over darker skin individuals and neither did my anyone in my family. My grandfather was a burly man of dark skin complexion and my grandmother is a honey brown skinned lady … who had a white mother which was the reason she has grey eyes like a wolf …okay they gave birth to my mother a tan lady who didn’t need makeup but blushed on occasions… My father wow …my grandfather Jamaican born bad boy who relocated to America seeking work and married my grandmother a pure blood Native American woman … who died with her hair to her booty at 90 …gave birth to my curly haired father… maybe this has something to do with why Lolita was my dream gurl at such a young age but any way.

Lolita her father was a husky black man with rough skin and crooked teeth …her mother lilly white with long flowing dark hair . Her brother Alex my best friend at the time was more on the brown side than his sister but not a full tan …wow Lolita wore dirt like gold ….it showed on her skin like a highlighter call me crazy but I love to look at her … with dirt on her face I dreamed of her older and imaged how she’d be how we’d interact as wife and protector … she fit into the picture so perfect this dirty lil gurl who almost looked white. I saw me as her father and her as my mother … and I promised myself I wouldn’t treat her like her father treated her mother slapping and beating would not be in my repertoire .
Some days me and Lolita would loose her brother and lay in the field at the elementary school and look into the sky and make pictures with the clouds …then steal kisses …her thin lips weren’t satisfying but I would live with them lol …. Tell the day it happened
Me and Lolita were walk and this dirty old man stopped us and told us than back and whites shouldn’t mix and we were going to hell for kissing … this was enough to scared the shit out of me at 8 so after that I didn’t hang too tough with Lolita …but I was still her brothers best friend …so I saw her everyday …. So we were still cool … one day walking home from the park by my self I see that dirty old man hugging … my future trying to get his hands in her pants …. A rush of emotions run thru me at 8 I was feeling feelings that I never knew …I did not panic …I yelled at the old man and begin to run towards the two …he was violating the purest thing I knew … Lolita was crying and kicking while ithis dude breeched her panties … I picked up a clump of tar from where the street ended with out curb and dumped into a ditch and threw the rock soooo hard I missed the old man …. But I kept run towards the two and jumped into a kick and the old guy pushed me like I was a rag doll …I never felt more useless …here I was having to watch this man violate my best friend’s sister and the love of my life …picked up this rock as scared as I was … hit this rusty man soo hard I split his wig to the white meat there was soo much blood i thougth I killed him …. And she dropped her into that dirty water of the storm run off …tha harbored tadpoles and diseased oils and who knows what ever I … grabbed her by the wrist and ran so fast I drug her all the way home … and the crazy thing is I felt like I relived the whole story again with a a split seconds glace into this lil bi racial gurl’s eyes in the store 25 years later … my hearts is racing and all …

ha. nice. imma do one too.

get over it

mush

blah blah blah

you making a real ass of yourself ...beat feet

I'm feeling that. Good read.

where you been ...