60905, In my quest for Love Posted by stellarstar81, Thu Oct-05-06 11:12 AM
Can’t sleep. Driven.
Instant gratification. What do I make of it? Beauty. I can see. I needed heartbreak to allow me to channel my soul.
Mmmm. It feels good. To open the dam and let it go free. How do I release me? Just like this. Why do I inconvenience another to exist?
It felt good to follow my gut. And I do not know where it will lead me, but I must.
Wow. Intensity à Reflection. I feel good. But in the morning I will awake and at that time I will remember the salt in my fears.
Free myself? I feel as if I can never be free. To those I love, they elude me. Intensity. A blessing and a curse. How can such sincerity and raw emotion be wrong?
Driven out of bed by my gut. Back on the steps if I must. Corny poetry I spew. But to find myself anew. And I knew. That he would ignore me. But why do I choose to play this game?
Emotions. Not cool? Just a fool to allow them to lead me. I search and I search for a man to complete me. When instead I should look into myself.
How did I end up in this situation? Instead I should ask how do I flee? I seek the affection of someone who never truly adored me.
No self respect. I used to have some. What happened to it? Totally out of my league. I want a man but I’m not a woman. Still a girl at the very heart of me.
And what do I do now? Sit numb for a while then regroup? Fall into a ditch never to recoup? I don’t know. But I do need the best of me to step up and allow me to breathe. Good night.
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